The first bomb has not sinked in yet and another one dropped.. Whoa.. this is like Pearl Harbour or something..
Less than 2 hours ago, my boss told me that I should look for another job. Hah.. how ironic.. I was just contemplating of changing jobs to being a writer. It's like my boss read my blog or something.. Scary.. this ESP sense of mine...
She gave me two months to look for another. Do not see it as her fault cuz I do not know what made her do this to me. From what I see, it is hard for her to say this to me also.. I din't wanna cry in front of her but in the end I did, cuz the tears just rolled out.. Not that I want to but can't squeeze them back. Really do NOT know what I did wrong this time cuz I did everything right and in time. Her reason was that the Client complained about me to her. Which was I find silly. Don't think she would fire me over 2 o 3 copy spelling mistakes. Somehow I feel that the ultimate bitch, the Creative Director, in the office has something to do with this. And my boss too, might not want me to work with her anymore, because she would have stood up for me if she would have wanted to.. I dunno.. Jst feel abit sad about the whole thing. Very disappointed at myself and I really do NOT want my parents to know that I got sacked. (or something.. Sigh, they wunt sack me cuz they would have to pay for me)
What a week I would say... There's just too many things that happened and I don't think I can cope with this anymore. I have done everything that I can.. My boss told me that it was hard for her to tell me this but it's easier to tell me straight.. maybe so.
Thank god for friends... I am so gonna get myself piss drunk tonight.. we are going to Barflam.. Thank God for speed dail number 6. Full support for me all the way. He didn't even ask what I did or anything.. love him to death for it. Told me that he would come back and whack that bitch for me *THANK YOU!!!* and sent me a 'Frame that bitch' card. Ahh... made my day a little better..
***where's my happy ending again?*****
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Accidently in Love *NoT!* Where's my happy ending?
~Where is my happy ending? Princess Hwa laments.. When is Prince Charming coming over to pick me up in his shiny white Audi TT? she continues. The princess drops onto her bed, and cried out in despair, I am doomed to eternal loneliness, forever locked up in this doorless tower. *cue for lightning* ~
T-T I am so bored...Yeah.. back in office. Have a report to write but I rather do this. I think I should just quit my job and get funding to study the effects of blogging on office workers.. Isn't that fun? And when I do get money to do that research I would write a book on it. And during my book signing ceremony, this handsome, dashing rich man would ask me to print my lipmark on his page. He would then say he would want to return the favour by asking me out for dinner in this expensive french restaurant, where he would tell me that I have the most beautiful eyes and confess that..... he is gay and would need my advice on how to please his.... man. Ugh!
I think I have my career mapped out for me.. I should be a Jackie Collins type writer. Or maybe Virginia Andrews type, with incest and all.. Or maybe Sarah Jessica Parker Sex & the City style. Heh.. Gosh.. I can write up a nice one.. I already have all the materials I need in my head. I am such a bloody drama.
Anyhowz, it's a Tuesday morning. Very soon it'll be Wednesday. How time flies when you have nothing to do. =_=; I am talking crap again..
Oh.. Will be having my first outstation trip with my Client next month. Feeling quite nervous and at the same time, bored... cuz, dun think it would be fun at all.. hanging out with someone who is like 5 years o more older than me. T-T ah.. Time hurry up!!! Hurry up and let 2005 come~
~Suddenly the princess hears the mighty roar of engine, she runs from her bed to the only window of the lonely doorless tower. Down below, is a gleaming white Audi TT. Ah, she gasped, my prince is here to save me. Oh noble knight, this tower is enchanted and you have to bring the following items to break the curse!!! The princess was estatic... Oh prince, please do break the curse.. To repay your kindness, my father, the King would reward you handsomely!! You can have ANYTHING that you would want!!! Out of the gleaming white car, a man far more handsome and tall than any of the princess has seen stepped out. Ah, the princess swooned, this man has looks that rivals to Sir Bloom's. I want to be his wife and he can be the King of my father's kingdom!! The noble man looked towards the window where the princess was standing. The princess blushed, red as a beautiful rose. Fair princess, he said, if I am not too bold to ask.. Which way to the Mardi Gras? I am part of the Gay Pride parade. And the handsome sir can only hear a loud crash as the princess fell onto the floor. And she now lives happily ever after alone in the lonely tower with only one window in the middle of the woods~
Moral of the story is, no cute & rich men are straight in this world. If there is, come over and prove it to me!!! *sniggers*
T-T I am so bored...Yeah.. back in office. Have a report to write but I rather do this. I think I should just quit my job and get funding to study the effects of blogging on office workers.. Isn't that fun? And when I do get money to do that research I would write a book on it. And during my book signing ceremony, this handsome, dashing rich man would ask me to print my lipmark on his page. He would then say he would want to return the favour by asking me out for dinner in this expensive french restaurant, where he would tell me that I have the most beautiful eyes and confess that..... he is gay and would need my advice on how to please his.... man. Ugh!
I think I have my career mapped out for me.. I should be a Jackie Collins type writer. Or maybe Virginia Andrews type, with incest and all.. Or maybe Sarah Jessica Parker Sex & the City style. Heh.. Gosh.. I can write up a nice one.. I already have all the materials I need in my head. I am such a bloody drama.
Anyhowz, it's a Tuesday morning. Very soon it'll be Wednesday. How time flies when you have nothing to do. =_=; I am talking crap again..
Oh.. Will be having my first outstation trip with my Client next month. Feeling quite nervous and at the same time, bored... cuz, dun think it would be fun at all.. hanging out with someone who is like 5 years o more older than me. T-T ah.. Time hurry up!!! Hurry up and let 2005 come~
~Suddenly the princess hears the mighty roar of engine, she runs from her bed to the only window of the lonely doorless tower. Down below, is a gleaming white Audi TT. Ah, she gasped, my prince is here to save me. Oh noble knight, this tower is enchanted and you have to bring the following items to break the curse!!! The princess was estatic... Oh prince, please do break the curse.. To repay your kindness, my father, the King would reward you handsomely!! You can have ANYTHING that you would want!!! Out of the gleaming white car, a man far more handsome and tall than any of the princess has seen stepped out. Ah, the princess swooned, this man has looks that rivals to Sir Bloom's. I want to be his wife and he can be the King of my father's kingdom!! The noble man looked towards the window where the princess was standing. The princess blushed, red as a beautiful rose. Fair princess, he said, if I am not too bold to ask.. Which way to the Mardi Gras? I am part of the Gay Pride parade. And the handsome sir can only hear a loud crash as the princess fell onto the floor. And she now lives happily ever after alone in the lonely tower with only one window in the middle of the woods~
Moral of the story is, no cute & rich men are straight in this world. If there is, come over and prove it to me!!! *sniggers*
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
What's this feeling within me?
It has been a hell of a week. Maybe an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. Somehow I am not sure what I am feeling anymore. It's been a blank piece of paper with alot of graffiti and words that are interlaced and I do not understand a single thing written on it.
Within a day, it has been a high and then a sharp jerk down. Hah.. That's what love and life is. Always offering me things and then jerking the string when it is within my reach. I thought I was giving myself a chance at love (maybe...) when someone said 'let's bring this one step further' I thought about it for a day, or maybe less, and thought, 'Why wait? I had been waiting for 4 years.. Give yourself and him a chance' And it all happenened within 3 hours.
I told Gem, 'I'm not sure. If I should wait somemore. My mind says 'Go ahead.. It's an opportunity to forget Kay. It is also giving yourself a chance.' but my heart says 'Wait.. Matte!!!' Gem replies 'You are stupid' Wooo, direct but true. That's just our style though.. And I love her for doing that.. It cleared my brains abit. And so I decided, Give ME a chance.
And just within that ONE hour of saying that to myself.. He says, 'I still like you but I am afraid of falling in love just yet.' Or something to that effect. Do you know how it feels like to fall from a 20 storey tall building? Neither do I, but I kinda figured out that it was something akin to what I was feeling at that moment in time.
Don't get me wrong. I do like him.. but not LOVE. If it was the person I love, I would have prolly locked myself in my room, blast Celine Dion's 'All by myself', smoke a pack of 20s within one hour and cry my eyeballs out.
But this person, I have made a pact with him. And I have told him that, I was afraid that this lust might turn into love. He said it wouldn't happen. But within 5 days he told me 'I think this lust is turning into love for me' and I was like 'WHAT?' He assured me if 'it is going too fast, tell me, I'd slow down' I thought... 'You must be bloody joking..' and asked him if he was serious because it is not something to be joking about. He said 'am not joking, and please dont think that I am looking for a replacement.'
Right away, I sms ed Gem, SOS SOS SOS!!! Gem was like 'I saw it coming..' On my part, I did not see it until it hit me on the face.. and that also, I hit it a few times jst to be sure... So, in all her wise ness, she said 'Sleep on it, think about it..' Slept on it, thought of it.. conclusion was (read the above) =_=;
Oh well, but honestly.. It was sweet, this feeling of being wanted by someone. After he told me 'I still like you but I am not ready to fall in love' (that was a classic I tell you) I asked if all the things he had said previously was true. He said, at that moment of time, it was true.
I'd hold on to this feeling, though it was jst for one day... Not that I liked him THAT much.. It was because of the thought that I gave myself a choice and chance...
Within a day, it has been a high and then a sharp jerk down. Hah.. That's what love and life is. Always offering me things and then jerking the string when it is within my reach. I thought I was giving myself a chance at love (maybe...) when someone said 'let's bring this one step further' I thought about it for a day, or maybe less, and thought, 'Why wait? I had been waiting for 4 years.. Give yourself and him a chance' And it all happenened within 3 hours.
I told Gem, 'I'm not sure. If I should wait somemore. My mind says 'Go ahead.. It's an opportunity to forget Kay. It is also giving yourself a chance.' but my heart says 'Wait.. Matte!!!' Gem replies 'You are stupid' Wooo, direct but true. That's just our style though.. And I love her for doing that.. It cleared my brains abit. And so I decided, Give ME a chance.
And just within that ONE hour of saying that to myself.. He says, 'I still like you but I am afraid of falling in love just yet.' Or something to that effect. Do you know how it feels like to fall from a 20 storey tall building? Neither do I, but I kinda figured out that it was something akin to what I was feeling at that moment in time.
Don't get me wrong. I do like him.. but not LOVE. If it was the person I love, I would have prolly locked myself in my room, blast Celine Dion's 'All by myself', smoke a pack of 20s within one hour and cry my eyeballs out.
But this person, I have made a pact with him. And I have told him that, I was afraid that this lust might turn into love. He said it wouldn't happen. But within 5 days he told me 'I think this lust is turning into love for me' and I was like 'WHAT?' He assured me if 'it is going too fast, tell me, I'd slow down' I thought... 'You must be bloody joking..' and asked him if he was serious because it is not something to be joking about. He said 'am not joking, and please dont think that I am looking for a replacement.'
Right away, I sms ed Gem, SOS SOS SOS!!! Gem was like 'I saw it coming..' On my part, I did not see it until it hit me on the face.. and that also, I hit it a few times jst to be sure... So, in all her wise ness, she said 'Sleep on it, think about it..' Slept on it, thought of it.. conclusion was (read the above) =_=;
Oh well, but honestly.. It was sweet, this feeling of being wanted by someone. After he told me 'I still like you but I am not ready to fall in love' (that was a classic I tell you) I asked if all the things he had said previously was true. He said, at that moment of time, it was true.
I'd hold on to this feeling, though it was jst for one day... Not that I liked him THAT much.. It was because of the thought that I gave myself a choice and chance...
Friday, June 25, 2004
Love vs Lust
Love versus lust.. makes sense? Not really... or love = lust? or oh.. maybe the other way... lust = love. Gah I suck at maths anyway..
Gets one thinking.. when one falls in love, do they also fall in lust? Because I am so in love but I feel no lust for this person and this person that I do not necessary love, I lust after.. So what is this feeling? Is it because the person I lust after is there at the right time and place?
Kinda crazy, this feeling that I have. I am not sure what I should do.. my mind has already made it's decision, but it's my heart. My heart says 'NUuUUuUuUuuUUuUU~' I feel like 'NuUuUuUuU' also...
I am changing my mind a few times an hour. This is so frustrating...
~*~*Undecided*~*~
Gets one thinking.. when one falls in love, do they also fall in lust? Because I am so in love but I feel no lust for this person and this person that I do not necessary love, I lust after.. So what is this feeling? Is it because the person I lust after is there at the right time and place?
Kinda crazy, this feeling that I have. I am not sure what I should do.. my mind has already made it's decision, but it's my heart. My heart says 'NUuUUuUuUuuUUuUU~' I feel like 'NuUuUuUuU' also...
I am changing my mind a few times an hour. This is so frustrating...
~*~*Undecided*~*~
Thursday, June 24, 2004
I am a manipulative bitch
The three girls had tea yesterday and oh my, did we bitch. Scheming and planning is what we do best it seems. Me and Sarah seems to be keen on the idea of finding out the truth and we were planning of ways to get the truth out, at all cost. But somehow, Gem was quite reluctant. Till the end, she is still pondering, if we are wrongly accusing Nini and it's None and Sissy who are the ones creating trouble. Somehow I see her logic. So, I guess we're just gonna stay put and keep our ears peeled for more information.
After our drink session at the 'Central Perk' (heh) yesterday, I seriously thought '/omg, wtf are we thinking about? and why the hell I can be so cruel towards her?' Recalling the words that I have said, it seems that she is my enemy and I'm not even giving her a second chance. I do not know how to explain this feeling but somehow I do not feel like I want anything to do with her at the moment. The phone calls that we have were cold. If I were someone else not me, I would have hated me. Is this what the world does to you? (not to blame the world tho..)
Sigh.. on a gayer, uh .. i mean, happier note, am gonna go watch Harry Potter today. Me, Sarah, Gem, Moo and Arihito only. Dun't wonder why Nini's not around. Called her out, she said she dint wanna go.. I was like ok~ fine by me. Am pretty excited actually, cuz I love Harry Potter. (no, I am NOT a fan girl) So let's just hope that the movie is as good as the book. *crosses finger*
Last week Friday, we went to Cyberjaya at night and it was TOTALLY beautiful!!!!! It looks like some fairyland/sci-fi/tropical forest type of place. I didn't know such place actually existed. In Malaysia that is... We got lost but had fun driving round, windows down and all. But it was quite scary in the sense that it was all dark and sometimes without warning, the road is suddenly blocked off because it is after all still under construction. But overall, it's so pretty. The whole road trip thingy was an impromptu thingy, Arihito wanted to go Genting at first but considering the car that we are driving and the time was already 1 am, we opted to go somewhere nearer instead. It was out adventure~ :)
Oh Lunch Time.. Am going off with my colleague for lunch.. write more another day~
***The World is a Vampire***
After our drink session at the 'Central Perk' (heh) yesterday, I seriously thought '/omg, wtf are we thinking about? and why the hell I can be so cruel towards her?' Recalling the words that I have said, it seems that she is my enemy and I'm not even giving her a second chance. I do not know how to explain this feeling but somehow I do not feel like I want anything to do with her at the moment. The phone calls that we have were cold. If I were someone else not me, I would have hated me. Is this what the world does to you? (not to blame the world tho..)
Sigh.. on a gayer, uh .. i mean, happier note, am gonna go watch Harry Potter today. Me, Sarah, Gem, Moo and Arihito only. Dun't wonder why Nini's not around. Called her out, she said she dint wanna go.. I was like ok~ fine by me. Am pretty excited actually, cuz I love Harry Potter. (no, I am NOT a fan girl) So let's just hope that the movie is as good as the book. *crosses finger*
Last week Friday, we went to Cyberjaya at night and it was TOTALLY beautiful!!!!! It looks like some fairyland/sci-fi/tropical forest type of place. I didn't know such place actually existed. In Malaysia that is... We got lost but had fun driving round, windows down and all. But it was quite scary in the sense that it was all dark and sometimes without warning, the road is suddenly blocked off because it is after all still under construction. But overall, it's so pretty. The whole road trip thingy was an impromptu thingy, Arihito wanted to go Genting at first but considering the car that we are driving and the time was already 1 am, we opted to go somewhere nearer instead. It was out adventure~ :)
Oh Lunch Time.. Am going off with my colleague for lunch.. write more another day~
***The World is a Vampire***
Saturday, June 19, 2004
A week's worth of news
Another Friday~ And it's been a week since I wrote.. Been pretty buzy, wish was granted.. now have loads of work to do.. mostly rushed, so it's pretty stressful..
Got some news ystrday from Kst, told me tht he is together with Moo's ex girlfriend, Ryl. Well, I'm not too sure how Moo would take it. Cuz tho he had told us tht he is very over Ryl, I dunt think that he would take the news calmly. Kst was like 'I dunno how I'm going to tell Moo..' Hmm.. I was like 'Well, tell him only when u are ready.. meanwhile, my lips are sealed.' After all, I think he should hear it from the horse's mouth... They just got together a few days ago. Honestly, I don't like Ryl too much. Think she is quite a player and I was actually kinda upset of what she did to Moo. But really, I can't be biased cuz I am only listening in on one side of the story.. So it's nothing to do with me.. Think my role is to lend a shoulder when Moo needs one. So, shall just watch the events unfold in front of me.. Maybe this news about Kst and Ryl should not even be known by Moo. Oh well.. we'll see.
On a happier note, one of my school mates is getting married O_o Which is quite scary cuz, after all, we are only 22 -_-; And what the.. I am not even attached yet! But her boyfriend proposed twice and she accepted the second time.. Really wish her the very very best.. Seems that getting married at such an early age doesn't bother her at all..
Think my mum is afraid that I won't get a boyfriend cuz I am fat. Which is pretty shitty cuz, why is physical outlook be so important in this society? Don't tell me all fat and ugly people should just dig a hole and hide themself inside it till they grow thinner or hopefully grow more beautiful?
I am not bitching about this because I am fat or anything.. it's just sometimes the looks that i get when I walk out on the streets. Issit by being fat, I should hide myself at home? I think fat people and thin people deserves to get the same kind of treatment. Even if you do not think that I am attractive or anything, you can just give me a little bit of respect. What happened to the good old days of virtues and personality comes first? Sigh..
Got some news ystrday from Kst, told me tht he is together with Moo's ex girlfriend, Ryl. Well, I'm not too sure how Moo would take it. Cuz tho he had told us tht he is very over Ryl, I dunt think that he would take the news calmly. Kst was like 'I dunno how I'm going to tell Moo..' Hmm.. I was like 'Well, tell him only when u are ready.. meanwhile, my lips are sealed.' After all, I think he should hear it from the horse's mouth... They just got together a few days ago. Honestly, I don't like Ryl too much. Think she is quite a player and I was actually kinda upset of what she did to Moo. But really, I can't be biased cuz I am only listening in on one side of the story.. So it's nothing to do with me.. Think my role is to lend a shoulder when Moo needs one. So, shall just watch the events unfold in front of me.. Maybe this news about Kst and Ryl should not even be known by Moo. Oh well.. we'll see.
On a happier note, one of my school mates is getting married O_o Which is quite scary cuz, after all, we are only 22 -_-; And what the.. I am not even attached yet! But her boyfriend proposed twice and she accepted the second time.. Really wish her the very very best.. Seems that getting married at such an early age doesn't bother her at all..
Think my mum is afraid that I won't get a boyfriend cuz I am fat. Which is pretty shitty cuz, why is physical outlook be so important in this society? Don't tell me all fat and ugly people should just dig a hole and hide themself inside it till they grow thinner or hopefully grow more beautiful?
I am not bitching about this because I am fat or anything.. it's just sometimes the looks that i get when I walk out on the streets. Issit by being fat, I should hide myself at home? I think fat people and thin people deserves to get the same kind of treatment. Even if you do not think that I am attractive or anything, you can just give me a little bit of respect. What happened to the good old days of virtues and personality comes first? Sigh..
Saturday, June 12, 2004
No more karaoke for another few more months for me!!
I am swearing off the mike for a few more months. Had a 5 hour karaoke session yesterday and am now having a trobbing headache with a increasingly sore throat. Was bottoming ups like a fish with the guys from the production house. (showing off actually *trobtrobtrob* will have to remind myself never ever do that again) HmPh~ dun think that a girl can't hold her drinks~ hahah Got the guys piss drunk tho. That was fun!! hHahah..
I am so looking forward for tonight really, firstly, it's Friday and secondly, it's our mamak reunion!! Well, even if I would say sometimes I dun feel like hanging out with Nini, I am still actually, eager to meet up as a group again. Maybe it's just me imagining and maybe even pretending that nothing much had happened between Nini, Sarah, Gem, Moo and me. I just hope that our little tea party will go on without me, Gem or Sarah feeling pissed with her anymore because on my side, it's starting to cool down. And I guess, as long as a stay away enough from her, maybe not STAY AWAY stay away... Just till I am cool off nuff. =_=; UGH
Was at a RO site just now nd sniff***** I really really miss ro ing. I MISS RO ing!!! I MISS MY CHARACTER!! I miss yiHwa T-T And I miss all my cute headgears. Shucks.. I think I'd be getting the monthly access card. Not sure.. but even if I did I might not be able to use the computer to play anywayz.. UGh... *rantrantrant*
Sheesh.. I think I am bitching too much~ I musst.. have... more.. work... to ... do... if... not.. will be ...bitching.. even more......
I am such a bitcher... =_=;
*******Ashita no ima goro ni wa, anata wa doko ni irun daro, dare no omotterun daro..******
I am so looking forward for tonight really, firstly, it's Friday and secondly, it's our mamak reunion!! Well, even if I would say sometimes I dun feel like hanging out with Nini, I am still actually, eager to meet up as a group again. Maybe it's just me imagining and maybe even pretending that nothing much had happened between Nini, Sarah, Gem, Moo and me. I just hope that our little tea party will go on without me, Gem or Sarah feeling pissed with her anymore because on my side, it's starting to cool down. And I guess, as long as a stay away enough from her, maybe not STAY AWAY stay away... Just till I am cool off nuff. =_=; UGH
Was at a RO site just now nd sniff***** I really really miss ro ing. I MISS RO ing!!! I MISS MY CHARACTER!! I miss yiHwa T-T And I miss all my cute headgears. Shucks.. I think I'd be getting the monthly access card. Not sure.. but even if I did I might not be able to use the computer to play anywayz.. UGh... *rantrantrant*
Sheesh.. I think I am bitching too much~ I musst.. have... more.. work... to ... do... if... not.. will be ...bitching.. even more......
I am such a bitcher... =_=;
*******Ashita no ima goro ni wa, anata wa doko ni irun daro, dare no omotterun daro..******
Friday, June 11, 2004
It's a THURSDAY~
It's a Thursday *Duh* and WOOPPEEE~ It's Friday tomorrow. I am so sleepy at the moment... And cold =_=; Just heard news that there will be interns coming in from Lim Kok Weng. Hahaha, Yeah.. now we can torture them.. Okok.. I'm jst joking.. Woo and they are.. GUyz? HmMm.. not that there are loads of guys in my office, so jst hope they are fun~ and plus points are they are leng chaiz O_o and one of them have to be long haired. hahah AND lengchai..
Gah.. Sounds like I'm high on something or something..
Over and out...
Gah.. Sounds like I'm high on something or something..
Over and out...
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Me Myself and I
All the ladies if you feel me,
help me sing it now...
I can't believe i believed
Everything we had would last
So young and naive for me to think
She was from your past
Silly of me to dream of
One day having your kids
Love is so blind
It feels right when it's wrong
I can't believe i fell for four years
And i'm smarter than that
So young and naive to believe that with me
You're a changed man
Foolish of me to compete
When you cheat with loose women
It took me some time but now i moved on
Cuz i realized i got
Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend
So controlling , you said that you love me
But you don't
Your family told me one day
I would see it on my own
Next thing i know i'm dealing
With your three kids and my home
I've been so blind
It feels right when it's wrong
Now that it's over
Stop calling me
Come pick up your clothes
No need to front like you're still with me
All your homies know
Even your very best friend
Tried to warn me on the low
It took me some time
But now i am strong
Because i realized i got
Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Me myself and i
I know that i will never disappoint myself
All the ladies if you feel me
Help me sing it now
Ya, you hurt me
But i learned a lot along the way
After all the rain
You'll see the sun come out again
I know that i will never disappoint myself
help me sing it now...
I can't believe i believed
Everything we had would last
So young and naive for me to think
She was from your past
Silly of me to dream of
One day having your kids
Love is so blind
It feels right when it's wrong
I can't believe i fell for four years
And i'm smarter than that
So young and naive to believe that with me
You're a changed man
Foolish of me to compete
When you cheat with loose women
It took me some time but now i moved on
Cuz i realized i got
Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend
So controlling , you said that you love me
But you don't
Your family told me one day
I would see it on my own
Next thing i know i'm dealing
With your three kids and my home
I've been so blind
It feels right when it's wrong
Now that it's over
Stop calling me
Come pick up your clothes
No need to front like you're still with me
All your homies know
Even your very best friend
Tried to warn me on the low
It took me some time
But now i am strong
Because i realized i got
Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Me myself and i
I know that i will never disappoint myself
All the ladies if you feel me
Help me sing it now
Ya, you hurt me
But i learned a lot along the way
After all the rain
You'll see the sun come out again
I know that i will never disappoint myself
I don't wanna know
Feeling sleepy, lethargic and missing something (my bed) After our long and heated discussion ystrday nite, Sarah, Gem and I agreed that we should be as cordial as possible to Nini as we possibly could. (i.e. fake)
No one should know what we talk about, and when we bitch, no one should be there to hear us bitch. It should be only just three of us.. Why be cordial to Nini even when we feel so angry towards her? Cuz I think maybe she should get another chance? Also because that she has actually done no wrong to us. (on the surface, emotionally... that's another story)
Maybe that's why everyone thinks that we are in the wrong, because, basically she has done nothing and all we did was bitch. That is pretty bad. So, it is agreed amongst us that we drop the bitch habit and see what happens.
It is pretty heartbreaking when one day when we were having a coffee in one of the more popular coffee joints 'Central Perk' (heh) when Nini's fave boy (jst a friend boy)Moo 'Have you ever thought that it might be your problem that we do not wanna hang out with you guys?' I was like.... total silence. In my heart, it was breaking, cause it is saddening to hear something from someone like Moo. Cuz he had been a friend of mine since high school. And he used to be such a sweet guy. I am starting to think that Nini might be poisoning her mind.
As Sarah puts it, Nini has conquered all of our chess pieces. Our rooks and knights has been taken. And Sarah is pretty adamant that her cousin, TCM will not fall into her trap. I am not worried bout TCM, but more on Moo, cuz he has a soft heart and is kind of naive. Am afraid that he might just believe whatever she says (assuming that she IS saying something)
Right now, I do not know what we are doing is right or wrong, but they always say 'All's fair in love and war' So, should we just back off or what? I don't wanna know what she is saying about us.. and I don't wanna know what other people think of me, but why am I feeling this way?
No one should know what we talk about, and when we bitch, no one should be there to hear us bitch. It should be only just three of us.. Why be cordial to Nini even when we feel so angry towards her? Cuz I think maybe she should get another chance? Also because that she has actually done no wrong to us. (on the surface, emotionally... that's another story)
Maybe that's why everyone thinks that we are in the wrong, because, basically she has done nothing and all we did was bitch. That is pretty bad. So, it is agreed amongst us that we drop the bitch habit and see what happens.
It is pretty heartbreaking when one day when we were having a coffee in one of the more popular coffee joints 'Central Perk' (heh) when Nini's fave boy (jst a friend boy)Moo 'Have you ever thought that it might be your problem that we do not wanna hang out with you guys?' I was like.... total silence. In my heart, it was breaking, cause it is saddening to hear something from someone like Moo. Cuz he had been a friend of mine since high school. And he used to be such a sweet guy. I am starting to think that Nini might be poisoning her mind.
As Sarah puts it, Nini has conquered all of our chess pieces. Our rooks and knights has been taken. And Sarah is pretty adamant that her cousin, TCM will not fall into her trap. I am not worried bout TCM, but more on Moo, cuz he has a soft heart and is kind of naive. Am afraid that he might just believe whatever she says (assuming that she IS saying something)
Right now, I do not know what we are doing is right or wrong, but they always say 'All's fair in love and war' So, should we just back off or what? I don't wanna know what she is saying about us.. and I don't wanna know what other people think of me, but why am I feeling this way?
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Contradictions of Life
Once in a while, I get into pensive mode, thinking about things like 'Why do we have go to war to get peace?' and 'Is there really more to life than just this?'
It's a rainy Monday morning and I am in a pensive mood. Gah.. Minus the pain in my butt, I am pretty much lost. Lost in this feeling of sadness, guilt and confusion. I am not too sure of what is happening right now in this so-called life of mine.
Problems of friendship take centre stage. After putting some thought to it, I feel like I am over-reacting over this issue, and the damage is done. Like an article I've read yesterday night (as tho it was a sign, the article was on friendship).
Story goes that two best friends got into a little argument and one of them said something offending to her friend. She got home and thought about it and was ashamed and wanted to make up. She got really worried and went to the wise woman of her village to get her advice. The wise lady, after listening to the lady’s story, asked her what would she do to mend her friendship, the lady replied with ‘Anything, just as long as it I can make up for what I’ve said.’
The wise lady told her that she has to complete two tasks. Task one was to go home and take all her feather pillows, make a hold and remove all the feathers. After that, go around the village and place one of the feathers on each and every house’s doorstep before dawn. After that, go back to the wise lady and she will reveal task number two to her. The woman hurried home and quickly set to do her task, taking out all the feathers from her pillows. After that, she went around, fighting cold wind and darkness, putting one feather on each doorstep. It was near dawn when she finally set the last feather on the last doorstep.
She hurried back to the wise women’s house and asked her for task number two, very eager to finish it so that she can mend her friendship back. Task number two, according to wise lady, was to collect back each and every feather that she had put on the doorsteps. The lady said, ‘That’s impossible!! All the feathers should be blown away by the wind. How could I collect all of them back?’ The wise lady nodded and said, ‘Like the feathers, your words cannot be taken back for they are blown away by the wind. The damage is done and there is nothing you can do about it. Therefore think and choose your words carefully before you say it for they could cause deep hurt and pain to the people you love and once you do that there is no way that you can take them back again.’
I reread the story twice before I flipped the page, for I realized that it is very very true. That set me thinking about the things that we have done for the past 2 months.
I’m not too sure what went wrong but maybe, just maybe one little event set everything else into motion. I think, jealousy is the main contributor. It was hard to admit but on my side, that was what I saw. We were jealous that Nini had the sympathy of the guys. The guys were supporting her all the way, bringing her out for lunch and stuff, and most recently spent her for dinner in a hotel for her birthday. Though we knew the guys much longer than she did, they never really did do anything like that for us. I got pretty angry when the guys asked me to go but when I asked them about two of my other buds, Gem and Sarah, they told me ‘Just you’ What got me really angry was the fact that Nini didn’t even thought of them, cuz when I asked her ‘What bout Gem & Sarah’ she had to actually turn and ask the two guys. Hello!!! It is kinda understood that whenever we go out, we would go out together, what more your birthday? Right away I dint know what to do, only thought that came to my head was ‘I am so tired of this bull shit….’ And I really needed someone to talk to. If this happened a few months ago, I would have just dialed speed dial number 6 to call my best bud to bitch to him. Just my luck that he went off to a place far, far away for studies.
Other options was Sarah, cause I was contemplating if I should tell Gem o not, as Gem feels for one of the guys, None. I was afraid that this might break her heart. After picking Sarah, she was like,’ If I was in Gem’s position, I would wanna know.’ So, went off to find Gem.
Had a few drinks at the mamak, told Gem the story, told Sarah’s cousin, the cigarette man, the story. Told Arihito the story. Really want to get their feedback. The cigarette man (T.C.M) said that was Nini’s problem, cuz she does not respect us and flirts around like mad. Sarah was like ‘Is she taking advantage of the situation (for she too feels something for the other guy, Sissy, and had confessed recently) and she feels like Nini is trying to be the middle person between both of them so that she can get close to None. (BTW, None and Sissy are like best friends or something…). So in the end, there was no solid answer/feedback given. Jst felt even more pissed. Prolly its cause we were all worked up over the incident at the moment.
Oh well, I guess, I am now out of steam. I jst feel like I am gonna stand back and see what happens, maybe she does have a motive that is good. Like trying to mend the broken friendship between us and the two boys, but whatever it is it is looking pretty bad on her side. It does look as though she is using this opportunity to trust herself to the side of None. She is not gonna admit it but even the blind can see that she has the hots for None.
So, will be just observing and if it is gonna go for the worst, I might just let go of this friendship. I am tired.
It's a rainy Monday morning and I am in a pensive mood. Gah.. Minus the pain in my butt, I am pretty much lost. Lost in this feeling of sadness, guilt and confusion. I am not too sure of what is happening right now in this so-called life of mine.
Problems of friendship take centre stage. After putting some thought to it, I feel like I am over-reacting over this issue, and the damage is done. Like an article I've read yesterday night (as tho it was a sign, the article was on friendship).
Story goes that two best friends got into a little argument and one of them said something offending to her friend. She got home and thought about it and was ashamed and wanted to make up. She got really worried and went to the wise woman of her village to get her advice. The wise lady, after listening to the lady’s story, asked her what would she do to mend her friendship, the lady replied with ‘Anything, just as long as it I can make up for what I’ve said.’
The wise lady told her that she has to complete two tasks. Task one was to go home and take all her feather pillows, make a hold and remove all the feathers. After that, go around the village and place one of the feathers on each and every house’s doorstep before dawn. After that, go back to the wise lady and she will reveal task number two to her. The woman hurried home and quickly set to do her task, taking out all the feathers from her pillows. After that, she went around, fighting cold wind and darkness, putting one feather on each doorstep. It was near dawn when she finally set the last feather on the last doorstep.
She hurried back to the wise women’s house and asked her for task number two, very eager to finish it so that she can mend her friendship back. Task number two, according to wise lady, was to collect back each and every feather that she had put on the doorsteps. The lady said, ‘That’s impossible!! All the feathers should be blown away by the wind. How could I collect all of them back?’ The wise lady nodded and said, ‘Like the feathers, your words cannot be taken back for they are blown away by the wind. The damage is done and there is nothing you can do about it. Therefore think and choose your words carefully before you say it for they could cause deep hurt and pain to the people you love and once you do that there is no way that you can take them back again.’
I reread the story twice before I flipped the page, for I realized that it is very very true. That set me thinking about the things that we have done for the past 2 months.
I’m not too sure what went wrong but maybe, just maybe one little event set everything else into motion. I think, jealousy is the main contributor. It was hard to admit but on my side, that was what I saw. We were jealous that Nini had the sympathy of the guys. The guys were supporting her all the way, bringing her out for lunch and stuff, and most recently spent her for dinner in a hotel for her birthday. Though we knew the guys much longer than she did, they never really did do anything like that for us. I got pretty angry when the guys asked me to go but when I asked them about two of my other buds, Gem and Sarah, they told me ‘Just you’ What got me really angry was the fact that Nini didn’t even thought of them, cuz when I asked her ‘What bout Gem & Sarah’ she had to actually turn and ask the two guys. Hello!!! It is kinda understood that whenever we go out, we would go out together, what more your birthday? Right away I dint know what to do, only thought that came to my head was ‘I am so tired of this bull shit….’ And I really needed someone to talk to. If this happened a few months ago, I would have just dialed speed dial number 6 to call my best bud to bitch to him. Just my luck that he went off to a place far, far away for studies.
Other options was Sarah, cause I was contemplating if I should tell Gem o not, as Gem feels for one of the guys, None. I was afraid that this might break her heart. After picking Sarah, she was like,’ If I was in Gem’s position, I would wanna know.’ So, went off to find Gem.
Had a few drinks at the mamak, told Gem the story, told Sarah’s cousin, the cigarette man, the story. Told Arihito the story. Really want to get their feedback. The cigarette man (T.C.M) said that was Nini’s problem, cuz she does not respect us and flirts around like mad. Sarah was like ‘Is she taking advantage of the situation (for she too feels something for the other guy, Sissy, and had confessed recently) and she feels like Nini is trying to be the middle person between both of them so that she can get close to None. (BTW, None and Sissy are like best friends or something…). So in the end, there was no solid answer/feedback given. Jst felt even more pissed. Prolly its cause we were all worked up over the incident at the moment.
Oh well, I guess, I am now out of steam. I jst feel like I am gonna stand back and see what happens, maybe she does have a motive that is good. Like trying to mend the broken friendship between us and the two boys, but whatever it is it is looking pretty bad on her side. It does look as though she is using this opportunity to trust herself to the side of None. She is not gonna admit it but even the blind can see that she has the hots for None.
So, will be just observing and if it is gonna go for the worst, I might just let go of this friendship. I am tired.
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Of all weird things
I have a pretty weird life I think.. While all the kids were forced to read, my dad refuses to buy me books. I have to resort to loaning, begging, stealing (ok, maybe not that) books to feed my reading obsession. Damn... That is so weird.. Maybe it was a reverse psychology thingy.. Hmm..
Even now, I have weird friends.. One who is a 'Ma-mi', a bad girl who turned KindyGarten Teacher (GASP~), a girl that looks pretty 'man', a guy who is pretty confused whether he is a guy o girl ('Not to sound gay..') haha
Now at this very moment, I have a weird colleague, who 'hMPhS & hhhhMmMMs' in the weirdest way. It's like he's having sex o something. T-T gosh and I am sitting right beside him somemore.. separated by a cubicle. -_-; not that I dont like him.. he's a nice guy.. It's just that.... WEIRDNESS~
AHH! It's Friday~ God bless Fridays.. :p This weekend, we are going to CYCLE~ in Bukit Celaka.. I mean.. Bukit Cahaya o something.. at last~ Yay!
Friday Friday Fryday~ Woot~
Even now, I have weird friends.. One who is a 'Ma-mi', a bad girl who turned KindyGarten Teacher (GASP~), a girl that looks pretty 'man', a guy who is pretty confused whether he is a guy o girl ('Not to sound gay..') haha
Now at this very moment, I have a weird colleague, who 'hMPhS & hhhhMmMMs' in the weirdest way. It's like he's having sex o something. T-T gosh and I am sitting right beside him somemore.. separated by a cubicle. -_-; not that I dont like him.. he's a nice guy.. It's just that.... WEIRDNESS~
AHH! It's Friday~ God bless Fridays.. :p This weekend, we are going to CYCLE~ in Bukit Celaka.. I mean.. Bukit Cahaya o something.. at last~ Yay!
Friday Friday Fryday~ Woot~
Friday, June 04, 2004
Cry me a River
Once, not too long ago, in PJ, :) a little birdy smsed me and told me to stop crying because it's not that the person you are crying for knows that you are crying for him...
Which was true..
So, I dried my tears, chins up and faced the world again. Thanks lil birdy, you know who you are.. because I realised that was the truth. The sad truth but true.. I guess, now this bunch of Beautiful, Intelligent, Talented, Charming and Honourable ladies are back on track (I hope...)
Cheers~ Here's to friendship and sticking up for each others~
*A million tears I've cried for you, but you'll only see my smile.. That's how much I love you*
Which was true..
So, I dried my tears, chins up and faced the world again. Thanks lil birdy, you know who you are.. because I realised that was the truth. The sad truth but true.. I guess, now this bunch of Beautiful, Intelligent, Talented, Charming and Honourable ladies are back on track (I hope...)
Cheers~ Here's to friendship and sticking up for each others~
*A million tears I've cried for you, but you'll only see my smile.. That's how much I love you*
On what Friendship means to me...
Friends... Everyone needs one. But how do YOU appreciate your friends?
I guess, this few days had been 'Turbulent Friendship Day'. I feel angry when friends don't appreciate me and thats exactly how I feel at the moment. No.. not that I am angry at ALL my friends but just one or two of them. I hope they know who they are.. Come on.. look at it this way.. If I don't care for them, I wont be angry. (Ladies do you feel me? heheh)
I guess, maybe I should just don't care bout it and say 'Screw it, forget about this friend' But part of me says, 'This person HAD been a good friend of me. I should let this go.' But time and time again, this person had failed me, failed our group... Suddenly I wondered, 'How was he a good friend to me?' Suddenly I don't remember.
Guys would say 'Girls are just too sensitive' Girls would say 'Prolly he/she have other plans, it's not such a big problem anyway' But, if that thing was happening to you, I guess that would change. Guys would say 'Mo Yi Hei' Girls would say 'Are you or are you not my friend. Are other people more important than me? After making plans with me you can just tell me that you cant make it, an hour after the time we were supposed to meet.'
I would like my friends to treat me as how I treat them. Thank god nearly all my friends treats me great, except for one or two. *FYI, I treat all of them great :p* (=_=) but that is enough to make me feel down already.. Maybe I care too much. Maybe I am just too sensitive.. (am I?) Kinda piss me off I see things like this happening to people around me.. What more happening to myself. Gosh.. Someone help me.. Give me a heartless heart. Make me someone who doesn't care about shit..
Friendship.. is something that I value more than money.. what about you?
I guess, this few days had been 'Turbulent Friendship Day'. I feel angry when friends don't appreciate me and thats exactly how I feel at the moment. No.. not that I am angry at ALL my friends but just one or two of them. I hope they know who they are.. Come on.. look at it this way.. If I don't care for them, I wont be angry. (Ladies do you feel me? heheh)
I guess, maybe I should just don't care bout it and say 'Screw it, forget about this friend' But part of me says, 'This person HAD been a good friend of me. I should let this go.' But time and time again, this person had failed me, failed our group... Suddenly I wondered, 'How was he a good friend to me?' Suddenly I don't remember.
Guys would say 'Girls are just too sensitive' Girls would say 'Prolly he/she have other plans, it's not such a big problem anyway' But, if that thing was happening to you, I guess that would change. Guys would say 'Mo Yi Hei' Girls would say 'Are you or are you not my friend. Are other people more important than me? After making plans with me you can just tell me that you cant make it, an hour after the time we were supposed to meet.'
I would like my friends to treat me as how I treat them. Thank god nearly all my friends treats me great, except for one or two. *FYI, I treat all of them great :p* (=_=) but that is enough to make me feel down already.. Maybe I care too much. Maybe I am just too sensitive.. (am I?) Kinda piss me off I see things like this happening to people around me.. What more happening to myself. Gosh.. Someone help me.. Give me a heartless heart. Make me someone who doesn't care about shit..
Friendship.. is something that I value more than money.. what about you?
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Chasing a Dream
It's Tuesday and it's 1st of June.. How time flies... -_-; another year older but non wiser (unfortunately) Still the same old me who loves to read manga and watch anime. I guess nothing wrong with that (I guess...=_=)
Finished watching Shaman King yesterday!! SUGOI... I love that show!! After that.. watched this anime called 'Millenium Actress' It's a love story, with a twist.. A show for those die hard romantics :)
It's about this actress, who bumped into an artist who was running away from the police when she was about 15-16. This was during the war period in Japan. She hid this man in her family store and because he was injured, took care of him for a few days. During that time, he told her about his wish to finish the drawing that he was holding on to in his hometown Hokkaido, under the stars and in the middle of a snowfield. This girl, Chiyoko, was entranced and the man promised her that he will bring her there when the war is over. At that time, Chiyoko saw a key that the man had around his neck and asked him what it was and he replied that the key opens to something of great importance. Chiyoko made him promise to tell her tomorrow. But when tomorrow came, she saw the key on the ground as she was walking back from school and she ran home. Seems like someone snitched on her telling the police that the fugitive was hiding in the store.
Turned out that the man has escaped to Man Chou (Think it's in China or something). She is very determined to look for him. She then vowed to look for him, to return the key. (aikz... liar!! wanna see him again only I think :p) As luck has it, she was requested by a director who wanted to shoot a movie in Man Chou.. She took the chance and took the part, so that she can go to Man Chau to look for him (and also hope that the artist recognise her in the movies she's in and look for her again.). It then chronicles the hardship she has to go tru to find the man (she does not even know his name and at one point, does not even remember how he looked like)
Until the end, she did not even get to find the man. She died in the end anyway.. of old age. T-T SOOOOO SAD~ In the ending, a fan told her that this man had actually died 30 years ago, after being tortured by the army during the war, and that she can now meet him in heaven. With her dying breathe, she confessed that it doesn't matter if she meets him or not, because 'Maybe I'm more interested in just chasing the dream, rather than seeing him'
That was a twist.. All the while, I thought that she wants to see him and had waited for him for more than 60 years. (woo Nic, what's 6 years compared to 60?) In the end, she's just more interested in the idea of this unrequited love.. =_= is this what they call 'Lo Li Chin'? hmmm....
I guess, maybe....
Guess I am more interested in Chasing the Dream too... rather than really loving that someone. Guess it's time to move on...
Finished watching Shaman King yesterday!! SUGOI... I love that show!! After that.. watched this anime called 'Millenium Actress' It's a love story, with a twist.. A show for those die hard romantics :)
It's about this actress, who bumped into an artist who was running away from the police when she was about 15-16. This was during the war period in Japan. She hid this man in her family store and because he was injured, took care of him for a few days. During that time, he told her about his wish to finish the drawing that he was holding on to in his hometown Hokkaido, under the stars and in the middle of a snowfield. This girl, Chiyoko, was entranced and the man promised her that he will bring her there when the war is over. At that time, Chiyoko saw a key that the man had around his neck and asked him what it was and he replied that the key opens to something of great importance. Chiyoko made him promise to tell her tomorrow. But when tomorrow came, she saw the key on the ground as she was walking back from school and she ran home. Seems like someone snitched on her telling the police that the fugitive was hiding in the store.
Turned out that the man has escaped to Man Chou (Think it's in China or something). She is very determined to look for him. She then vowed to look for him, to return the key. (aikz... liar!! wanna see him again only I think :p) As luck has it, she was requested by a director who wanted to shoot a movie in Man Chou.. She took the chance and took the part, so that she can go to Man Chau to look for him (and also hope that the artist recognise her in the movies she's in and look for her again.). It then chronicles the hardship she has to go tru to find the man (she does not even know his name and at one point, does not even remember how he looked like)
Until the end, she did not even get to find the man. She died in the end anyway.. of old age. T-T SOOOOO SAD~ In the ending, a fan told her that this man had actually died 30 years ago, after being tortured by the army during the war, and that she can now meet him in heaven. With her dying breathe, she confessed that it doesn't matter if she meets him or not, because 'Maybe I'm more interested in just chasing the dream, rather than seeing him'
That was a twist.. All the while, I thought that she wants to see him and had waited for him for more than 60 years. (woo Nic, what's 6 years compared to 60?) In the end, she's just more interested in the idea of this unrequited love.. =_= is this what they call 'Lo Li Chin'? hmmm....
I guess, maybe....
Guess I am more interested in Chasing the Dream too... rather than really loving that someone. Guess it's time to move on...
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