Love lost and gained

Listening to: Shakira - Illegal (on repeat)
Feeling: Doink


I'm supposed to be asleep but have the sudden urge to blog about nothing. I had something in mind as I was brushing my teeth but suddenly I forgot. The goldfish in me is acting up again.

OK, so the first thing that came into my mind after typing that sentence is how sad life is without someone to like. This Shakira song is bad...

I was just telling G about the time when Maxis changed their RM99 plan to the RM75 plan. I had a rollover credit of about RM200 and I spent about RM60-RM90 calling SD6 in Canada. I had to finish the money anyway because if not it'll be burnt off. But you know, the moment I realized that I had that much rollover that I had to finish off, the first thought was YAY! I can call him now... So sad... But true. Looking back, I think those were the days when I was stronger and optimistic.

Liking SD6 at that time was a sweet lie that blinded my days. Scolding from Boss? SMS SD6. Something exciting happening? SMS SD6. A fight with parents? SMS SD6. I had to stop myself from reaching for the phone for the first few months after deciding I should stay away from him *obviously after he got himself a girlfriend*. It was hard to stop this habit that I had for more than 5 years. To go cold turkey was an achievement by itself. Suddenly I find my phone bills going down and suddenly I had to call people more often to finish off that monthly RM75 that I can't rollover. It's weird... But I did it. Stopping ciggies should be easy now...

Then came Jay. Jay's episode was short and bittersweet. Maybe it was just me at the end of the day but I had always chose to run away from these things rather than to face it head on. It was hard with SD6 and so to safe myself from feeling shittier than I am already feeling, I decided to run.

I am getting really good at running away from problems...

Now that I seriously have no one in mind, it scares me because somehow it feels lonely. At the very least I had something to look forward to back then.

My mom asked me again if there were any guys going after me again that day. I told her yeah but he was younger than me and I didn't really like him. She actually told me to try it out. She is that scared that this daughter of hers can't get married. My sister had to quip in to say there are many guys going after her. It's sad but true...

So guess I am too choosy and being what I am now I shouldn't be as choosy? Is that what my mom is trying to tell me?

Dilemma...

Another boring piece of goldfish mind from me.