Friday, July 23, 2004

A Discovery!

Listening to: Pieces of Me - Ashley Simpson
*I know when Gem read today's entry, she will be laughing her ass off. T-T*
Yesterday, I discovered that.......
I have sweaty palms. T-T Ok.. fine I dunno.. It's just so weird, first time and all. I mean, who holds their own hands to see if they have sweaty palms or not? So yeah.. it is actually pretty embarrassing!!
I was like.. OK, is it me or you? and when I gave it a thought.. it's actually me T-T never really occured to me that this matters. *laughs out loud* But it's actually pretty umcomfy.. can you imagine? It's like holding a wet towel. Gosh... Are there remedies for this condition? hahahahah
Listening to: I Miss You - Blink 182
Watched Mean Girls yesterday with Moo, Gem and Sarah. OH~ Highlight of that whole event was that he didn't ask 'Can I hold your hand?' and just did. Hahahah If he does that again I would look at him and say 'Just freaking do it'. It was more comfy than that day when we went to watch 'Prince and Me' which was just supposed to be me and him but Arihito called up last minute unexpectedly and went with us. I mean, Gem and Sarah knows, so we were not so uncomfortable about this whole holding hands thing.
But there was something that they have said that made me like 'What the..' Gem was like, 'I don't understand why you two can hold hands in the cinema but not here.' And Sarah, that notty girl was like 'Cause it's bright here and they can't do it in the light' I was kinda mortified... Cause he was like there and all... I dunno bout other people, but for me, having a boyfriend doesn't mean I need to hang on to him for all times that I am out. I mean, not that I am ashamed of being out with him or anything. It's just that I don't feel like I need to have all this public shows of affection. Heheheh..
Listening to Precious Illusions - Alanis Morissette
Told Gem as well, that at the moment, I'd rather spend time as a group but occasionally go out just me and him, cuz somehow I feel like it. Maybe cause I have nothing much to talk to him about. Maybe... The feeling is growing. I feel like I need to see him and talk to him more than last time.
Listening to Stupid - Sarah McLachlan
Am going out for dinner with him later. Somehow feel very nervous. Even more nervous than going for my interview that day. Funny huh? Am afraid that I have nothing much to talk to him about. Or nowhere to go. Sigh... You know.. his classes is starting again week after next and he was like 'Are you going to support me? I am haunted by the past..' Honestly, I am not too perturbed by the fact that he is going off 5 days a week and we might only meet up only once a week.  I had been like that for many years.
Listening to Sweet Surrender - Sarah McLachlan
I guess I will miss him and sometimes might even drive to where he stays just for fun, it's not too far. But then again, distance makes the heart grow fonder (I hope) ahhaha I will not be the one who will play around while he is not around. Just hope that he wont. hahahha
Anyhowz, nothing much other than that... tomorrow I might have something to write about :p
****Is this a case of Sweet Surrender?*****

Thursday, July 22, 2004

A surprise!!

Oh well.. I actually have alot of things to write about but then due to the shortage in time... Only can record the most surprising plus amazing thing that happened today... This friend from long long ago actually found me on Friendster. I am so happy, cause she was one of my close friends back in primary school and after Form 2 she migrated over to Australia and is still there. *snifflies* I miss those days, jumping on the school field 'astaka' singing songs from Sound of Music. She was the one who introduced me to 'Grease' ahahahh
Loads of things happened these few days. Got an interview. Went for it, got called back for second interview. Went for it. They say that they will be replying me by Friday. I dunno, hope tha everything turns out fine. Leo Burnett didn't call me. Was hoping that they will. I'll be handling Malboro if they'll hire me. I am like their number 1 supporter. hahaha..
Only this much for today. As always, fuck ups after 5.30pm. How nice....
****watching Mean Girls tonite~****

Friday, July 16, 2004

Matters of the heart.

Feeling: Cold
Listening to: Sound of rain falling down

Hmm.. It's another rainy wet Thursday afternoon. Makes me feel like running through the rain and getting wet. Everyone is not back yet and I am just bumming round.

Went for SpiderMan 2 yesterday and it was not what I had expected. After the show, we went for a drink but Arihito and Gem had to go back cuz Gem was looking sick and Arihito had to go back early. So then there were 4. Sarah, Nini, Moo and me.

We were just having chats and food. After 1 hour of drinks food and gossip we had to go.

Yesterday, actually, I was really, really, really tempted to tell Moo that it should be over between me and him. I dunno why, but maybe it was that card game we played that day. It was some destiny, fate thing. Somehow, the readings goes along the line of 'he likes me but then I am confused as I like someone else too' It gave me a slap on the face and all night I was actually thinking how selfish I was. And ... I dunno.. I just feel that he is the one saying the 'I miss yous' and the 'I lub yous' but.. somehow at this moment in time, I do not feel the same.. Yeah, there are sometimes when I feel that I miss him but I never really felt the love.

And also, I kinda think that I can do much of everything myself and I do not need someone to depend on. It is pretty crap, this thinking.. because before I've got him, I feel that I needed someone to be there for me. I am contradicting myself.

Need more time I think.. Hope it'll get better in a bit.. I have more important matters to worry about... (like my job) T-T

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

What reminds me of

Hmm.. I think these few days, all thoughts I have are in song lyrics! So here, I am describing them in song titles!

On Love - Precious Illusions (Alanis)
On Friendship - Graduation (Vitamin C)
On Life - Everybody Hurts (R.E.M or The Corrs)
On Gem and Sarah - Always be my Baby (Mariah Carey)
On Moo - Love Takes Time (I think it was Boyzone o something like that)
On Kay - Take A Bow (Madonna), If I aint got you (Alicia Keys)
On Arihito - My Funny Friend and Me (dunno who sang this and dunno how the lyrics go but the title jst so reminds me of him)
On Nini - Don't Mess with my Love (M2M, on behalf of Gem of course!!)

Hmm.. I dunno how I am feeling but then, I am so afraid to hurt someone unintentionally. Would I? Cause I think I was being really selfish by saying Yes when I am not too sure. Up till now, I am not too sure... Love is somehow a Precious Illusion, what I think Love is might not be what really Love is... I am not really making much sense here am I? Maybe Love does takes time, yeah, I do hope so....

Friday, July 09, 2004

Oh NO~ I'm getting the Fuzz =_=; Dunt think other things

***With fuzzy feelings in tummy***

AHHH~ I am feeling fuzzy inside me!!! Seriously!!! Hmm ok here’s wht happened yesterday.

Had decided that I should tell Nicholas (Nic’s my best bud back in high school and up till now we remained as close friends) cuz I figured out if I don’t tell him now, he would bitch about it. So, rang him up and told him to come out for a drink. Just me and him. We agreed on a place and was actually anticipating on telling him. I used to tell him everything in my life and suddenly I feel like he is so out of touch with everything in my life. So I NEED to clue him in on this or not he'll disown me!!!

So later on, Tania called. She just got back from Australia and wanted to come out for a drink. I thought, why not since we are out anywayz.. It has been a long long time since we actually went out. So I told her to come abit later, so that I can finish dishing out the dirt to Nic. Not that I don’t wanna tell her but then I thought maybe later on when it’s more stable only I tell them.

So Nic and me went to Banana Leaf and I told him to guess. He was like ‘OHMYGOD, you’ve got a boyfriend!!! WHOO?’ Told him to guess, he was like ‘KAY!!’ I was like.. ‘I wish’ and he went on and on and on… he got it right on his third try, but I think maybe he wasn’t exactly thinking that it would be him. So he carried on, until he saw the grin on my face. He got annoyed and started bitching.. I was like ‘OkOK!!! I’ll tell you! *pause* I’m with my teddy bear’ and he was like ‘OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD!!!’ (it was just like how I imagined it *grins*) He was asking for details and all. Then he paused for a while.. and said ‘You know, I’m so happy for you. I’ve always thought that you two would make such a cute couple’ Well, if it was a brightly lit place, he would see me blush a BRIGHT red!!! T-T He insisted that I tell Joe and Tania as well. So, that fella sms ed both the girls to tell them NOT to bring their boyfriends.

To make a very long story short, I told the other two girls and they were like ‘OHMYGOD’ (yeah, like how I imagined them to as well) I told Yews as well, I know I know!! I shouldn’t have announced it but then the IDIOT NIC~ told him. Ok.. It’s not that I do not want to tell them but then it has only been 3 days… What happens if it doesn’t work out? That would be quite shitty. Joe said ‘He’s one of those few nice guys left in this world.’ I hope so..

When I got home, mum was helping me clean my room and we were talking about my brother and how he brings his girlfriend home. So we were joking and laughing about it (something rare I tell you) and somehow this topic landed on me. I din’t want to but then I can’t stop smiling!! So yeah, mum knows too. She was like WHICH ONE? Show me a picture!! Now Now NOWWW~ I was like T-T

So in the end, I told her that I’d bring him back for dinner one day. Hahahah This is so weird.

Hmm.. That was it I guess.. It happened so out of the blue. I was quite reluctant at first, but then after a while, I think I am falling in love with him. He is a sweet guy. *Crosses fingers* Hope that everything works out!!!

***Still feeling fuzzy***

Thursday, July 08, 2004

I'm Glad

***Feeling Cold, Listening to Savage Garden 'Truly, Madly, Deeply'***

Yawn... it's just 10.07am and I just finished my breakfast at work. Just another Wednesday when things don't happen till the very last minute..

Ok.. Firstly, me and Moo kinda got together.. **=_=** This is what happened..

Saturday: 7.00pm My Hse
Had a little steamboat party at my house. Had dinner, everything hunky dory. Watched 2 movies. (Shrek2 & The Guru) So after the movies, it was about 1am.. We brought out the liqour. Bought this cheap vodka from IKEA (which we vow to never buy anymore!!) And we started playing the card game, the one where you stick the card on your forehead and see who gets the smallest and that person has to drink the whole cup of whatever that is in the middle of the circle. So ugh, the first person to drink up was me. One beer mug filled with vodka and orange juice. Sht, it was horrible. Second one to kena was Arihito. He had like 2 in a row and the second one was pretty strong on vodka. Right away, he KO-ed. So basically, Arihito KO-ed first and then after that me. I went upstairs to my room to sleep. Meanwhile downstairs.....

Apparently, Moo was muttering gibberish about me because he was drunk. So halfway through things, I woke up and puked and went back downstairs, my trusty galpals, Gem and Sarah ran to me at the back and warned me about him. I was abit tipsy at that time and wasn't really giving too much of a damn when they told me about it. I was thinking more like 'Whoa, he must be damn drunk' So I was jst like calmly going back out to the hall and they continued playing truth 'Spin the bottle'. Ended up talking bout fantasies and stuff.. was quite funny cuz everyone spilled their guts out on things. A few days after, The Cigarette Man claimed that he was drunk and he did not remember a single thing. Ah, bullshit. Hehe

Sunday: 12 noon My Hse
And then there were 3, Sarah, TCM, Nini and Arihito left in the wee hours of the morning. So left me, Gem and Moo. Was watching Malaysian Idol and had a seriously good laugh!! One of my ex colleague was actually in and he did this seriously stupid and ridicules dance routine to Kylie’s Spinning Around. I felt sorry for him. He looked so damn dumb. Really. God, He’s a nice guy and all.. but what the hell was he thinking when he wore that yellow short short pants and short short shirt? T-T *pitypitypity*

Ok, after that we were watching another show and I kinda fell asleep on the long couch in my hall. So Gem and Moo was awake. In my sleep, I heard something so I woke up. But my eyes were still closed. I was conscious. Moo was taking a pic of me sleeping. Then I heard Gem asking him about me. He was like ‘I dunno!!! I’m so confused!!’ I kinda know what they were talking about but I just left it there… Then I pretended to wake up and they stopped talking.

Sunday: 4 something pm Al-Ehsan
Fetched Moo back, confronted Gem. She was like ‘I thought you were asleep!!’ muahahha Evil~ but I was not asleep. That woman eventually spilled the beans and told me about everything.. He is very confused la, he is thinking la.. things like that. The usual. So yeah, that was it.

Went to Al-Ehsan and it started to rain really heavily. Stayed there till bout 6 and we went back to her house. After dumping all her stuff and lepak for a while, we went off to fetch Sarah for dinner.

After dinner, as usual, went for yamcha. Everyone was there and it was normal. Just recapped our ‘wild’ weekend. After that, went home. Moo started smsing me. (Jst like how speed dial no.6 used to predict. He said that after he’s gone to Canada I can sms Moo -_-;) At first it was pretty normal. He was telling me that he was angry at Nini at dinner yesterday. Told him that it’s her bad point and we would have to live with it. Like it or not.

Out of the blue, he asked me ‘ Hwa, remember those sweet memories that you said you’ll keep? You can take them out again, if you want to. Cuz I think I wanna start a relationship with you.’ I was like ‘Woah.. and Aww’ He is such a weird funny sweet guy. Apparently Miss Gem was actually chatting with him online before. So, yeah, my two dear sweet friends helping out and all. LOVE U GUYS TO BITS~

I smsed Speed Dial no.6. He was like laughing his ass off. T-T *idiot* =_=; After that, he was like congratulating me and all. I told him, dun ask him till he tells you, so he was like OK~ Basically, my kengkawanz were all happy for me *smiles* Thanks guys…

Saturday, July 03, 2004

Something to be saved for that someone special..

***Listening to Maria Mena 'You re the only one'***

Woah.. it's Friday and.. another week. I am now counting days till I have to leave the company. Another 7 more weeks before I really need to leave. It is pretty hard, because people here are actually pretty nice and all.. *but then again.. maybe just on the surface*

This is one week I feel totally disorientated, blurred and totally crazy. I learnt that someone could just take something away from you just like that if they want to.. it only depends if they want to or not.. That is why I think The Art of Butt Kissing should be included in college. hah~

Also learnt that the 'first' in everything should be saved for that someone important. Maybe it's just me.. Maybe I'm just shy (or stupid) and I can't bring myself to do something like that.. I thought, maybe at that time, that situation, I would.. but, I proved myself wrong.. I'm not sure if I should be happy o sad. hahah...

Sigh.. who should I save these things for? For a fact, the person I consider my someone special would not BE my someone special.. It's ok, not that I wanna force it, but I'm just wondering, how long more till I can actually let go.. It is really hard.. to cling on to something that doesn't even actually exist. It's like I'm over the edge of a cliff and I am just hanging there, holding on to a piece of root jutting out from the side of the cliff.. I do not want to feel that way!!! I refuse to and I do not want to.. but why am I still holding on to this?

Am I saving myself for that one person who I thought existed?