Friday, July 29, 2005


Listening to: Canon (or 'Kanon') The Final Finale
Feeling: Much better


This word was first coined by one of the chicks in 'Sex and the City', read that somewhere. What is a "Frienemy"? In the article, they explained that a frienemy is a friend that you love to hate, hate to love. Huh? Yeah, in short, a contradiction. You love them, but you love to bitch about them even more. They went on by saying that everyone has at least 1 frienemy.

An example of a frienemy is when A tells me that she had bought this fabulous new Coach handbag that set her back about 5k. She goes on and on. I listen and thought to myself 'Oh man, what a waste of money for that small little tote. Cannot stand this A la.. Just because she got abit money, she have to show it off." We say bye and the moment I put down the phone, I call B, who is also a mutual good friend and start telling her about the bag. I then conclude with my thoughts and how I think A is being a showoff. B agrees and we talk about other things. We put down the phone and the next day, A brings her new bag for dinner with the rest. Everyone fawns over it, including B. What ever I had said yesterday was forgotten as we sip our cosmos.

It is, yes, hypocrisy and I'll have to admit I had done it before.

I have friends who I really love. I hold them dear to heart. But I realize that the closer to heart I put them, the more i expect of them and the easier I get annoyed at them. Is that also a frienemy? Should I then distance myself from these people? Or should I keep my opinions to myself to save from being in confrontations?

Thursday, July 28, 2005

'I... uh, dunno'

Listening to: Kelly Clarkson - Because of you
Feeling: Angry

I feel annoyed. And I do not really know why. Once upon a time, whenever a MSN message pops up, I eagerly check to see if it was SD6, but now whenever I see it's him I get angry. Don't ask why. Maybe because I did not want to feel sad. Maybe that is why.

I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling.I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling.I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling.I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling.I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling.I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling.I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling.I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling.

Please do not tell me about what you're doing now. Please do not tell me about how you want to go for movies with her. Please do not tell me how long you had talked to her over the phone. Please do not tell me about how funny she is. Please, please, please...

I hope I won't cry now.
I am not supposed to.
I am not supposed to be sad even.
I don't want to see you. I want to see you. I don't want to hear from you. I am waiting beside the phone to hear your voice. I don't want to go. I love to go. No No No No No. Yes Yes Yes Yes.

I hate you!!!
But I... still do love, no, care for you.
Go away before I really do hate you...


Listening to: Kelly Clarkson - Behind these hazel eyes
Feeling: Superbly sleepy, nodding off while typing
Hole in wallet: Big. Just paid off t 2 months worth of car loan and renewed my driving license plus karaoke and Italliani's for lunch yesterday. And it's only like the 28th of the month? boohOoo

So we went to the karaoke yesterday; me, Sarah N, Gem, Nini, Gigi and Sissy. Initially it was just me and Sarah N, *one of the reasons why because we figured out that we get to sing more songs if there was only 2 of us in the room* but we decided that the self proclaimed shower singing queen needs a dose of karaoke and she managed to persuade Gem and collectively we managed to get Nini in and Sissy was tricked into coming. *giggles*

The end result was, uhm... have you heard of cats yeow-ing? Something like that. hahah.. Honestly, but it was really fun. Out of the 6 only 3 of us who were really serious about going in to sing our hearts out. I guess at the end of the night, the rest finally got into the mood to start singing. Me and Sarah N stayed till 3am, *hence the sleepiness* and got major eyebags as punishment. I woke up with scratchy throat and an extreme need to drink loads and loads of fluid.

Before I forget, I need to congratulate one of my dear friends and pembaca blog setia saya, Gigi because she had just landed right smack in her new job. Ganbatte Kudasai and loads of good luck. As she is in the same company as Gem, I made them promise to try not to kill each other off before the end of the first week. :p All the best to you Gigi!!!

Back to the karaoke. If you had been to a karaoke joint, you would know that inside the privacy of the little dark rooms, you can pretty much do anything you want without anyone bothering. Well, they do have glass doors, so no hanky panky. What I mean is, you can dance, shout, sing really loudly, badly or mumble, no one really cares. Doesn't matter if you can't sing because the other people in the other rooms sing equally bad *if not, worst*. An immortal quote from Sarah N -

'Haiyah, if they can sing like a singer, they won't be here la. Already become singers!!'

Try walking into any Red Box, Songbird, KTV or Newway joints here in KL and you'd be rudely greeted with a mish-mash of canto-pop, english-pop, old hokkein faves or *gasp* chinese techno. (I had always wondered how these people can actually sing to songs like that. ) If you had always wanted to try out Mariah Carey's I'll be there but you're afraid, book a room all by yourself and sing your heart out! No one really cares how badly off key your rendition is. They just want you to order more drinks. * incidently, a jug of Coke would set you back by RM55, beer is RM44* Ekk.... I need to remember to keep a bottle of mineral water in my bag before we get inside.

Had so much fun. Sang Mandarin and Canto songs eventhough we did not know most of the words. Sang Mariah Carey's I'll be there but gave up in the middle *I know I am a wuss*, managed to sing my Utada Hikaru, twice!!! Sang M2M, Spice Girls, Westlife, Theresa Theng, Jacky Cheung, Fish Leong, everything. I hope they won't ban us from entering Red Box because we were singing so loudly. But, we'll be back next month.. Wait and See... The next time, I'd be singing The Sound of Music *If the rest would permit me* For now, I'll be swigging more O.J and be contented with only listening to Kelly Clarkson singing... sniff

Sick Humour

Listening to: Avril Lavigne - He wasn't
Feeling: Sleepy
Reading: The Joy Luck Club

OK guys, first of all I have share this fabulously entertaining website: -

Yeap, kill that bloody frog. I mean, the first time I saw it, it was cool but with the whole song and *who knows* endorsement deals, it is starting to get on my nerves. No offence guys who animated this thing, I am sure your intentions were good but UGH.. WHY.. WHY the bloody song? Shit, it's stuck in my head *dingdingding dum, dum dingdingding dum* WTF is that? NoOOOooO.. *opens extra browser to kill the bloody frog again*

*wipes sweat* Fuh.. That is much better...

The next link is something which I had found in I like it cause it is damn morbid!! Check it out...

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

'I wanna be...'

Listening to: Chattering of my colleagues
Feeling: OK

I remember those days when I was younger, in primary school to be exact, and my class teacher asked me,

Teach - So, what would you want to do when you grow up?

Me - I wanna be an astronaut

Teach - Second choice? *jotting down notes in that blue card that she holds*

Me - Ballerina?

Teach - *looks at me disapprovingly* Sure ah? *glances at my frame* You can ah?

Me - Teacher, I've been dancing since I was 5

Teach - *mumbles something about being a hippo in Disney's Fantasia* Hmmm *jots down into blue card*

Me - *still convinced that if I can't get to be an astronaut, I would definately get a role in 'Swan Lake' or 'The Nutcracker' as the Sugar Plum Fairy, no less*

Teach - *looks at card* Third choice? *looks at me*

Me - Policewomen! *with no hesitation*

Teach - *rolls eyes and jots down* OK done, NEXT!!! *feels relieve now that the nutter is done*

Well, as we all know, I am no astronaut, no ballerina nor a policewoman. Glasses ruined my chances of being the first Malaysian woman to be an astronaut, being oversized robbed me the chance of sasheing on pointe gracefully on the stage and reality stopped me from ever wanting to be any part of the government body.

I am now a writer. And if that teacher would come over with a blue card today and ask me those immortal questions again, I would have much more hesitation to answer her than I would have a 15 years ago. Maybe the cynical world have killed off my childish perception that at the age of eight, you can own the world once you turn 18. Hmph.. Astronaut? Who am I kidding? Of course the interest for astrology is still within me. Dancing has always been my passion. I had promised myself that once I reduce my weight to a certain extent, I would definately join adult ballet classes. Hmm... The police part... I will not say anything.

If I could choose what would I be? I would be, I would be, I would LOVE to be a....

*~+ ~*BLOG STAR*~+ ~*

With the likes of Tucker Max, XiaXue and The Waiter, I want to raise to the heights of being read by millions of unknown people. I want to be so popular people will die if I don't post for a day. I want to secure a deal to write about my life, doesn't matter if it's not true. I want to be on TV. I want to be interviewed by journalists, who are fascinated at my dramatical life. I want to be paid to blog!

Can? Can? Can?


Hmm... Guess I will just file 'Blog Star' along with 'Astronaut', 'Ballerina' and 'Policewoman'

Sigh.. Whoever who said 'Dreams DO come true' should be shot in the ass!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

On being drunk and not being in the right state of mind

Listening to: Sarah McLachlan - Angel
Feeling: Full

So the whole of last week was Gigi's mourning period, and we being the good friends that we are *hinthint* comforted, talked and drank with her. Hell, we were the ones who held her hands when she needed to get to the loo which was at the other end of the sea of human beings. Saying that, I am very sure that she will do exactly the same if we were in the same situation and maybe even more.

Now, when we are drunk, we tend to do things that we do not really mean to do; like how a friend of mine, King F, thought he was a little yellow birdy and wanted to fly off the balcony. Well, he HAS a birdy and I can say that he is yellow but fly? Nah.. maybe not. Thank goodness he decided that staying in the nest should be enough. But he went on to create more chaos within the nest, like putting vodka in his friend's contact lense case. We love listening to his crazy drinking stories. Imagine this, four girls and a guy sitting in their usual place in Central Perk, entranced by the wonderful stories that come forth from his mouth. It's almost like Arabian Nights or something.

Soon, I had experienced enough drunk stories to call my own to start sharing. My drinking buddies stayed the same throughout these years. Nini, Gem and Sarah N and a recent addition would be Gigi.

Once in my half drunk and depressed stage, I actually drunk messaged my so-called ex to ask him what inspired him to actually want to get together with me. Results were disasterous I have to say. Until today, I still think that he thinks that I still have the hots for him. *horrors*

Or that time when we were pissed drunk with Tequila and Vodka in Genting, we keep wanting to throw ice cubes down at passing buses while shouting 'It's snowing!!!'. It took us a while to realize that while ice cubes is not snow, the people in the bus will not hear us. Nevermind we were staying in the 20something floor. In the end, we just got bored and threw the whole bag of ice down, and none hit the passing bus.

Another gut-splitting incident was when we were in Genting again and me, Gem, SD6, Sarah N and Nini got so freaking drunk after playing the card game that Gem just plopped herself against the bed. Half of her body was on top of the bed and the other half was on the floor. In our druken state, me and SD6 decided that she is a beached whale and tried to get her back on the bed. We were unsuccessful but until today I had no recollection of how she managed to get back into the bed. I am giggling while trying to remember what happened that day.

(Defination of the card game - Everyone sits in a circle and in the middle of the circle is an empty cup and whatever liquor you have in your cabinets. Everyone is given and card faced down. On the word go, you stick the card on your forehead without looking at what you've got. This way, you can see everyone's cards except for yours. Now by looking at everyone elses card, decide how much liquor you want to pour into the cup because the one with the smallest card has to drink everything in the cup. Ace of Diamonds is the smallest and King of Spades is the biggest)

We drink to kill off our sorrows, we also drink because we are happy. Alcohol is good and bad. But always, ALWAYS after a bout of puking, I will send an SMS to all my drink buddies that will sound something like this : -

Ugh, I feel so bad. Drinking is BAD. Do not drink anymore. Drinking is so bad, so bad, so bad I swear to God I will swear off drinks for at least a month

And that itself is a lie because I will totally forget about it the next day and start plotting for the next drink outing. I'd just say that I was not in the right state of mind when I sent that SMS out. I was not. I was drunk. And the next drinking outing will be next week Friday night!

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"Getting drunk is one of the best things to do when you do not know of what else to do" Pearls of Wisdom from the humble, beautiful and smart Pinkity

Monday, July 25, 2005

Inspiration, or the lack of it

Listening to: Utada Hikaru - The Workout
Feeling: Uninspired

Maybe it's because it's a Monday, maybe because I am not the happiest person on earth today but I am uninspired. Yawn. Boredom Kills.

Thursday, July 21, 2005


It was just another boring ride home and I was driving past the Taman Bahagia station after dropping Jay off. Was stationary in front of the traffic light that takes at least a month to turn green and was spacing off as usual while waiting. (this happens alot)

Was about to launch off to the moon when a sudden gesture caught my eye and I turned my head over to my left and saw a cab driver, a Tuk Haji kind of guy who gestured to me to cover up my arms. I was wearing a sleeveless top. Fine, I've got to admit that I have big arms but where the hell is freedom in dressing? Sniff~ I feel like crap, but I would still be wearing my sleeveless tees. Cabbies like that can go bite their steering wheels.

Standing Alone...

Listening to: Fish songs
Feeling: Hang-overish

Have you ever been in a crowded, noisy place, filled to the brim with people and loud music and observe people around you? Was in Velvet yesterday for Nicky boy's post birthday dinner party.

I have to admit I was abit reluctant at first because I was actually feeling quite sleepy. But in the end, am really glad that I went. Met some of Nicky boy's colleagues and they are pretty nice people. Ohwell, side tracked, back to the main topic.

Gigi, Nini and Ndrew joined us later. Gigi told us that she needed alcohol. And when someone says that they need alcohol, the sisters will be all out to fulfill her wishes. So, we had drinks and we were boogeing, 80's style. After a while, I just sat back on one of the low couches, sipping Vodka Lime and enjoying a cigarette, looking around. Bright lights flashing, loud music thumping and it seemed that everyone is having fun. People on the dance floor was interesting to watch. Eyes closed, faces flushed, they were oblivious to everything that was happening around them. Then they were the drinkers... A smoke and drinks on the rocks, leaning over the bar, the drinkers talk amongst themselves. Wrapped in their own world. Couples are swaying to their own beat, nuzzling each other, having their own private little party and showing everyone else in the place how happy they are together. In their own little world that only both of them existed. I sat there, looking at all these happy people. Are they really happy?

For a moment I felt that I was alone in that crowded place. Everything else just faded into a whirl of thoughts. And then the music started again and faces came into focus.

And I wonder, if someone was to cry at that moment, would anyone notice?

PS: Someone DID cry. Not your tear in the eye cry but heaving sobs. And no, no one noticed. Everyone was still having fun.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Running away from nothing at all

Listening to: Wei Wo Hao - Fish Leong
Feeling: Down and Ups

Have you ever felt like you need to run away from a situation? As in, really run? Run, run, running away from the situation so you could just ignore the truth in the situation? Well, had always thought that this is like one of the things that could happen in 'Sex and the City' or 'Ally McBeal' but it happened to me yesterday.

Was sending him home and when we reached the front of his house, he was telling me about one of his problems. His friend likes this girl that he is also eyeing. Apparently, his friend gave him the go ahead as he had tried but was rejected. But, as the story goes, friend got very drunk that night and drunk messaged her asking for that the god-knows-how-many-times to be his girlfriend.

(definition of 'Drunk Messaging' = When you get really, really drunk and you get really, really pissed off at your life or your friends or your dog or your ex or the person you had been trying to go after but couldn't get. Usually when it comes to Drunk Messaging, the anger is usually directed to the person you couldn't get/ex and you tend to send messages like 'How come you choose him and not me?' or 'Why did we break up? 'Can't we give this another chance?'. Messages usually reach the receiver at ungodly hours like 3am - 7am. Another alternative to drunk messaging is drunk calling, which is even more disastrous)

So now he is supremely confused and he needed my counsel, hence the talk in my car. As he was telling me about how he was calling her and sms-ing her, I really felt like I wanted to run out from my car. Either he goes or me, I remember thinking at that time. I was seriously contemplating my dash for salvation when I finally reasoned that I AM his bestfriend. (or so I think). My hands were on the side of the door, just waiting for my left and right brain to finish arguing. In the end, the logical side of me won. Why would I need to run? It IS his right to speak of whoever his new target is. Part of me was afraid that if I do run, I might not even be his friend anymore. I love him to bits, both as friends and more than friends.

Went home after half an hour under the pretext of me needing the washroom badly. I was proud of myself. I thought that I might cry in front of him but I held the tears off. I am proud. I've even said this to him 'If you really like her, you've gotta go for her! That's a real man. If you let this go, you're just a douche-bag' OK fine, I didn't say douche-bag but I've said the rest. I really can't believe it. I even gave him the peace sign. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I wanted to cry. Gigi told me that crying would make me feel better. I know, but have you ever heard of dry tears? No? Me neither, but I've experienced it yesterday.

Am listening to Fish Leong's Wei Wo Hao again and the lyrics seems more and more true to my situation. 'Just got to know that the smile on your face doesn't represent happiness, it's just out of courtesy' More or less like that. I sometimes wonder if he ever did enjoy our company. I will miss him...

Monday, July 18, 2005

Memories of days gone by

Listening to: Mariah Carey - We belong together
Feeling: That we could have been perfect together, or not

It is an odd feeling, looking at all those sent and received emails, smses and printed out and neatly filed emails that I still find myself reading. What should I do with them? Throw them away? Or burn them into oblivion in a fiery ceremony that marks the end of this season? Maybe that would be a good option. Couple that with a bottle of vodka and a few boxes of cigarette and a few trusty friends, this could even be fun.

I wonder, why does it sound like I am breaking when I am just giving up. *sniggers. I am such a drama queen*

Sometimes, being forgetful is good.

'I think I need a shot of Vodka'

Listening to: Ashanti - Foolish
Feeling: Foolish

Monday blues at the darkest. Partly because of the fact that it IS Monday, lack of sleep and the reason why I couldn't sleep. It was pretty disturbing. Phone call was as such

Me: So are you in to her la?

Him: Hmm.. *moment of silence* Maybe..

Me: What do you mean by 'maybe'? No such thing. *laughs* If you like her, you have to appreciate. You have to go get it *cries and I wonder if he hears it*

Him: Well, I think most prolly

Me: *a second of silence, with a verse from Fish Leong's 'Ting Bu Dao' running through my head* Ganbatte Kudasai! I think she is a very nice girl

Him: Hmm... But I think she is not so into me...

Me: *kills myself with selflessness* You didn't even try. Don't be stupid. Ask her out more. Call her, SMS her, woo her...

After another agonizing hour that included a whole of PJ blackout (how appropriate) and half a box of cancer sticks, we ended the conversation.

Almost immediately, I thought of the only one person who should be awake at that time. Gigi.
Sms-ed her and she called and we had this conversation with another few more sticks of CSs as our companion

Me: Why????? I think I need a shot of Vodka

Gigi: It's because we are too beautiful. And clever. And career minded. And rich, Men are afraid of us!

Me: Plus the fact that I am fat?

Gigi: Darling, you know it's not about you being fat. *sniffs* It's just the guys being stupid

Me: *not entirely convinced* But, but but.. sigh.. why do we always go for the type that are stupid, arrogant and so NOT into us? *sniffles*

Gigi: You're right. They are so stupid because they are not into us. I think I need a shot of Tequila

Me: Ergh.. I'm too lazy to walk down for my vodka. I think it is a curse. It's karma! In our last life, we had been rejecting people, turning them down when they wooed us, that is why we are what we are now.

Gigi: I agree.. I think we are punished because we are too beautiful. Of course, I am always number 1 and you're number two... *laughs like the evil person she is*

Me: I think I know what sin we had commited that resulted us in such pain. We are always lying!!

Nevertheless, our little exchange ended an hour later, interrupted by Gigi who needed to shit really badly. We laughed. I didn't feel as bad. But I still couldn't sleep. Finished my book, The Little Princess at 5.30am. Is this what they call Lo Li Chin? I guess so..

*cries without tears*

It's all coming back to me at 2am on a Monday morning

A sharp inhale of breathe. And exhale.

It is funny how even when you know the whole truth, you still feel shocked when you hear it from the horse's mouth.

A sad realization. A stray tear.

It is even funnier that you had been shedding tears for this person for the past five years. All in vain. This thought had brought more tears.

A good friend. A glass of liquor and a stick too many cigarettes.

It feels wonderful when a friend responds to your distress call, even though it is 2.30 in the morning and it is a working day tomorrow.

You guys who had been picking up my calls in the ungodly hours of the morning, I just want to tell you guys that you guys are the best.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Another day, another boring day

Listening to: Mondo Grosso - Waiting for Tonight (I thinks..., Kst sent me this.. Nice, but who the hell is Mondo Grosso?)
Feeling: That sleep is calling to me

Yawn.. It's a rainy Friday. Nothing much happening. Thanks to Gigi who dragged me out yesterday for a smoke, I'm deprived of my beauty sleep. Everyone in the office has gone out for an event. Empty office + rainy day = Sleepiness. Bad

Well, wanted to write something intelligent actually. Can't remember what I wanted to write about anymore. T-T I think I am growing senile.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

'Are you mad?' (at me?)

Listening to: Random Japanese R&B
Feeling: Lost and confused

A few posts back I have declared that the 4years and 11months curse is lifted. It has indeed lifted but I think I am suffering from the withdrawal symptoms. I miss the feeling that warms my tummy. Sad but true. And I sorta feel sad whenever I hear him talking to some other girl. Wait a minute, am I not over him? Am I? Or am I not? I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Yesterday's conversation went like this

Him: Was on the phone with someone just now, sorry for the late reply. I can't make it anyway

Me: It's ok. But it's only on the weekend. Really?

Him: I've got plans for the weekend, plus don't really feel like going for a trip at the moment. Really sorry

Me: *sigh of resignation* It's ok. Nights and sweet dreams

Him: Really sorry. Are you mad?

Me: Not at all.. Stop saying sorry. It's not your fault. I'm not mad. Jst thinking bout some stuff

Him: Sorry. Really really sorry

Conversation went on with him saying lots of 'sorrys' and 'really really sorrys'. Honestly. It's not that I am pissed that you are not going. Am just very confused over the lost of feeling that I had for him. I think I have changed. Alot. Maybe. Not sure. Unsure. Yeah.

AHHHHHH.. gonna go for blood donation now.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!

Lagu yang Sedang Didengar: Mariah Carey - We Belong Together
Perasaan: Patriotik

Untuk menghormati Hari Kebangsaan kita yang akan menjelang tidak lama
To honor our National Day that is coming up pretty soon,

lagi, saya telah mengambil keputusan untuk ber-blog dalam Bahasa
I've decided that I shall blog in Bahasa Melayu,

Melayu, bahasa kebangsaan kita. Walaupun terdapat sedikit kesusahan
our National Language. Eventhough there will be some difficulties

bila berblog dalam BM, saya akan berusaha kerana kita mestilah berasa
blogging in BM, I shall try my very best because we should be proud of

bangga dengan bahasa kebangsaan kita. Menjelang Ogos haribulan 31,

our national language. Come this August 31st , we will be celebrating

Malaysia akan menraikan Hari Merdeka ke 48. Tetapi oleh kerana saya

Malaysia's 48th Independance Day. Because I do not have much time,

kesuntukan masa,saya akan menamatkan post saya disini.

I shall leave this post this post to end here. Counting down

Menanti-nantikan detik-detik Merdeka!!
to Merdeka!

Monday, July 11, 2005

The Princess Weekend and a splitting headache

Listening to: Random Songs
Feeling: Sleepy, Caffeine and Nicotine deprived, with a side order of a splitting headache

Just another Monday after an eventful weekend. Sarah N and me went to Port Dickson for the Mercedes Benz A-Class event. We were placed in the Avillion. God knew where that place was, but a colleague told us that it is a very beautiful place. Water chalets come complete with a 4 poster bed, an open bathing area with a long bath where you can actually look out to the sea. Oh, did I mention that there was also a queen sized day bed with a window that overlooks the sea. A beautiful patio, with two deck chairs. Shit, I miss that place. I felt like a princess there. Especially the shower. It was raining that night, so while I was taking a shower, I felt the rain. So pretty. God damnit.. if I would ever be rich, I would build a bathroom like that.

Forgot to bring the cable for my camera, dying to load the pictures up to show Nini and friends the beauty of that place.

Drove the A-class in turns, me and Sarah N. Had so much fun, we decided to drive it two days in a row. On the second day, we actually got stopped by the cops. Here's the exciting twist, Sarah N didn't bring her license. She was driving, meanwhile, my license expired a month ago. Freaked out abit, managed to weasel our way out of the roadblock with bambi eyes and smiles. Thank god. So yeah, that was our 'Drama Minggu Ini'.

Having a horrible splitting headache I can only blame on the lack of sleep and excessive driving hours. Popped 3 Panadols but it's not helping at all. Made plans for drinks tonight again, not sure if I should skip it in favour of my comfy bed.

On a lighter note, Kst got to S'pore and proceeded on to getting drunk. All fingers crossed for his interview! Gonna go nurse my headache now.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Friday Purples

Listening to: Fish Songs again.. It's only appropriate to have Fish Songs in the morning
Feeling: The Purples

Feeling oddly full and sleepy after a heavy lunch. Had nothing much to do. Looking at the Hitler walking here and there spewing things no one wants to hear. Feeling lonely cause my partner in crime, Jay has gone home.

Had taken some interesting pictures a few days back when me and Sarah N went to the pet shop

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Angoria Rabbit
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Super cute chipmunks!!! Check out the tail
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Little Brave Hamster, climbing up and down the cage like Spiderman
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So supremely cutes!!
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Two love bird rabbits. They were huggling together the whole time. hehe
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The pug which is quite ugly, but cute in a weird way
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OMFG, this is like so cute!! With half shaved bulu
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This little one is super hyperactive!!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Why do I blog?

Listening to: Amerie - One thing
Feeling: Full

Was browsing through Joe's blog and her recent post was about 'Why do you blog?' Hmm, that really made me go like 'Eh, ya hor... why do I blog?' Erk.. Maybe not in such a Chink way la.

Why do I blog?

  • To bitch to the world
  • To express views I might not be able to express vocally
  • To express feelings I might not be able to express vocally
  • To record a special feeling that I might have at that time but cannot express openly
  • To express injustice
  • To express thoughts that might be too private for the delicate ears of certain friends
  • To keep friends who I might not see often updated on happenings of life
  • To keep sanity in reality by expressing insanity in cyberspace
Along with loads of other things that I cannot really remember at this point of time. I had been blogging for past a year and though there were times when I was lazy to update my blog often, I am glad I kept up because it is pretty fun to see what other people think about my views.

Oh.. blogging, makes me seem like I am hard at work too. Heheheh


Listening to: Night and Day - DeLovely OST
Feeling: Speechless

Watched Samara yesterday in Starlight Cinema. It was pretty crappy. Oh well, it was free so guess was there for the fun and laughter. Tried out the Nokia color photo printing that they had there and it was pretty good. Me and Sarah N took a picture that was printed out for us in 4R size, still clear. No complains about that phone except for the size. Think that was the only highlight of the night.

Another one of those perks that we get for being freebie-hos.

Was thinking aloud then about how we have to beg friends to come for the freebie events that we have and sometimes it is pretty annoying. Sarah N agrees as she gets the same problem. Oh well... friends, can't live with them, can't live without them... =_=;

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Syok Sendiri

Listening to: More Fish Songs
Feeling: The Morning Breath

'Apakah itu syok sendiri? Ia adalah suatu keadaan dimana anda berasa gembira kerana teringat sesuatu perkara akan berlaku atau sudah berlaku tetapi sebenarnya tidak pernah terjadi.

Syok sendiri juga boleh di terangkan dengan keadaan dimana seseorang tersalah anggap sendiri tersangat cantik. Sebagai contoh, Gigi selalu bermimpi dia seorang perempuan yang tercantik. Oleh itu, dia syok sendiri. Contoh-contoh yang lain juga termasuk keadaan dimana saya teringat ada seorang yang ingin memikat saya, dimana Sarah N teringat nak memanggil sayangnya yang tersayang melancong dan dimana Gem nak mengajak sayangnya menonton wayang. Kanak-kanak, itulah syok sendiri.

Di dalam keadaan syok sendiri, adalah normal jikalau anda terasa tidak tenteram ataupun gembira. Tetapi apabila perasaan syok sendiri itu beredar, seseorang akan berasa kecewa ataupun sedih. Itulah biasa.

Oleh itu, janganlah mempunyai perasaan syok sendiri kanak-kanak. Syok sendiri membawa maut. Moral cerita ini adalah janganlah perasan sangat, adohai kanak-kanak...

Tuesday, July 05, 2005


Listening to: Voices in my head interlaced with Fish Songs
Feeling: More and more frustrated. Am I too annoying?

"No, you can't go out"

"No, I don't think so we'll hire you"

"No, I don't think you're what we're looking for"

"No, I don't think that I'm coming"

"No, I don't want to have anything to do with you"

"No, I don't think I can accept you for what you are"

"No, it's not you.. it's me"

"No, you go ahead"

"No, I won't listen"

"No, you're wrong"

"NO! How many times do I need to tell you that?"

"NO! Stop bothering me, which part of NO don't you understand?"

"no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no"

When is someone going to say yes?

'We need to talk'

Listening to: Fish Songs
Feeling: Like the world is about to end

'We need to talk'


'Something is wrong. I can sense it'

"Nothing's wrong.. Everything's fine!"

'We don't talk like we used to anymore'

"That's because I need more time to adjust to the change"

'..... We kept in touch even when I was away. '

"It's different.."

'How different?'

"You’re different”

‘I think there is something that I need to say but might hurt you’


'I want you to know that we are just friends'

“.... OK”



"*laughs* I know that we were just friends all along. Why are you telling me something that I already know?"

‘I hope you understand’

“I’ve always understood. Hey I need to go, my mum’s calling me to pick my sister up. Talk to you later!!”

‘OK… take care. Nights and sweet dreams’

“You too.. Hugz! Nights and sweet dreams”

Monday, July 04, 2005

Serious Matters

Listening to: The same Winter Sonata song
Feeling: More and more like a blog.. I mean, block T-T

Was browsing through Thro192's blog *didn't mean to stalk but I was bored* and I just realized that this guy had been a soldier *me thinks.. Didn't have time to go tru all his posts*. O.o hmm.. I feel worst now.. My posts are usually bitchings about work, life and love life *or the lack of it*. So much more to this life than just that. I try to tell myself that everyday, but most of the time, by the time the clock hits 12pm, it is all about me all over again. hmm... More to life.. What's in it for me?

I should be writing fluffy chic lits.

Writer's Blog.. UH, I mean writer's block!

Listening to: One of the songs from Winter Sonata
Feeling: Like a block

Having a huge writer's block right now. Can't really think of anything to write for the past few days. Can't really understand why because I could come up with articles within a day usually but for the past month, feel as though God is playing a joke on me. Rather blog now than to finish off my work.

Maybe one day when someone asks me something I would just answer them, 'duhhhh'. I am getting very paranoid now.. Very very... Running out of brain juices


Listening to: Fish Leong, AGAIN~
Feeling: A little bit more crazier than yesterday

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I've lost my previous post. Stupid blogger! I'm going fer a smoke. And buy some oil laden fried bananas.. And die of boredom.

Crying is good, crying is good, crying is good. Monday makes me go crazy

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Beautiful Disaster

Listening to: Fish Leong - Fly Away
Feeling: Tired, sad and fat

Had a girl's night at my place because we were bored and me, Sarah N and Gigi all wanted to have a good cry. So, drove out, sent Sarah N back home to get her clothes, pick GG up and of course, load up on the carbo, fat laden and salt infested food. Bought RM30 over bucks worth of junkfood and ciggies... T.T NoOooooOOO

Agenda of the Night

The 4years and 11months curse
2 nights ago after meeting up, these immortal words suddenly popped up into my mind, 'Yi Hwa, the 4years and 11months curse is over. You are now starting anew.' and I sms-ed Sarah N. She said 'it is great that you are now starting to unload your burden' Great words from a wise sage. Little did I know that I can't really lie to myself. Eventhough, yes I do think that it is now time to move on, but why do I still cry whenever I hear 'Wei Wo Hao'?

The Great PK and GG divide
I absolutely have no idea on what the hell is going on between both of them.. We all need to let go one in one point of our lives.. Guess I should tell myself that first.

The Fish Songs
Wonderful songs from Fish Leong was the first to make me cry. *Sniff*

Men who are assholes
GG said,' I've read this from 'He's just not that into you', the conclusion was that 'You've already got one asshole, why do you need another one?' The 3 musketeers laughed. Hysterically. Some men are assholes. Sarah N's target happens to be a huge one. He had hurt her so badly, she is just suffering in silence. Sometimes I wish I could just beat the shit out of him..

Men who you have confessed to but is still treating you so nicely you just want to jump off KLCC Twin Towers and die
SD6 treats me like a princess... Gigi said that it is most prolly because he feels guilty and wants to treat me nicer because he don't want to hurt me. Sarah N says she envies me and said 'Wouldn't it be good if he would pretend to be mine for a day eventhough I know it is not. I just want to feel his hands in mine and I want to know how it feels like to hold the hand of the person you love. Is it sweet? Is it warm?' I envied her because I thought it would be much easier if me and SD6 have no connections whatsoever. I could just forget him... Didn't work.

What is the feeling of...?

- holding hands with someone you love?
Me: *shrugs*
Sarah N: *shrugs*
Gigi: You'd feel like as though you do not want to let go, that you're protected and warm. It's a good feeling...
Me and Sarah N: *Stars in eyes*

- hugging someone you love?
Me: bitter.. tinged with sweetness..
Sarah N: *hmmmmi*
Gigi: do not want to let go, you want to stay there forever...*spaces out*

- making love with someone you love?
Me: *silence*
Sarah N: *toodedaaa*
Gigi: It is very sensual, different from just having a fuck. It is not about the physical feeling. It is about the emotional fulfillment. It feels damn good.
Me and Sarah N: *sweatdrops*

Came to a conclusion finally that we actually enjoy the pain that it brings. I have to agree that I do have an urge to keep the feeling. Gigi agrees... Maybe pain is good... I wish I have more yung chi..

Friday, July 01, 2005


Listening to: AK - Say you love me
Feeling: Full

Came back from a long meeting that involves planning to shoot more sexy pictures to find this

Image hosted by on my desk.. turned out that Mabs had a shoot and she was using these as props. Was feeling hungry then so I ate it. Didn't care if it was icki-fied or what.. just makan only. But it was so pretty and it came with a sweet note :p

Hi Pinkity!
Have a cupcake it's super sweet like you! Missing ya!

From the other side of the office - Mable

Mabs made my after noon, along with these few other people, ThrO and Chin Yew... because they're readers of this blog... OMFG. I have an audience. =_=; *sudden revelation*

LOL moment

Listening to: White noise
Feeling: LOL-ing

Was surfing the net aimlessly again during lunchtime and found this gem. The trailer for this show named The 40 year old Virgin. Ok.. fine, have to admit that the title got the best of me but the trailer looks good. Hehe


Hie Readers

Yesterday I've recieved an email from Blogger that says I've got a new comment on one of my posts. I thought, 'Wahey!!! Gigi's replied..' But.. it's this person by the name of Chin Yew. (I thinks). Hmm... He says

Just to let you know
that I am reading you

Does that sound like a stalker thing? Hehe.. Well Chin Yew if by this point you still have not realized what you've gotten yourself into, you're my first real reader.. Welcome the bitch side..

Weird.. dreams?

Listening to: Fish Leong - Wei Wo Hao
Feeling: Blank and confused, with husky voice

So this is the aftermath of a loud and pretty long karaoke session. Husky voice. Don't mind it, but just wish that the freaky dream I had yesterday would go away. Well.... Here goes nothing

Freaky Dream
*OK, G don't laugh cause it's about Jay. *

Dreamt that a bunch of us went to yamcha in this place we have not been to before.. and we saw him there yamcha-ing with a bunch of friends of his as well.. He saw us and approached us, and asked me to come with him to say hie to his friends. *at this point I was like 'what the fuck for?'* And so, I went. He held my waist *alot of that to hold on to..* and I said 'Don't do that! People might misunderstand!' and I felt *freaking hell* that I was blushing =_=;
As we reached the table, I could hear

Friends: *Desas Desus* Er.. so 'tai kau' (big piece T.T, I have a crappy ability to degrade myself even in my dreams.. shit)

Me: *thinks* Fuck they look like the Mafia. Don't sell me to Thailand!!!

Him: Hey guys, this is the girl I've been talking about

Me: Hie *pops a cheery smile*

Friends: *in unison* Hie.

Me: *felt like I've died and went to heaven* he talks about me in front of his friends?

Alarm Clock: Ringgggg *OK, my alarm ringtone is Mariah Carey's It's like that.. So Mariah woke me up. Damn you Mariah!!!*

Sigh... crap. I think I am falling into the shit pits of hell. *Cries like a drama queen that I am*