Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Running away from nothing at all

Listening to: Wei Wo Hao - Fish Leong
Feeling: Down and Ups

Have you ever felt like you need to run away from a situation? As in, really run? Run, run, running away from the situation so you could just ignore the truth in the situation? Well, had always thought that this is like one of the things that could happen in 'Sex and the City' or 'Ally McBeal' but it happened to me yesterday.

Was sending him home and when we reached the front of his house, he was telling me about one of his problems. His friend likes this girl that he is also eyeing. Apparently, his friend gave him the go ahead as he had tried but was rejected. But, as the story goes, friend got very drunk that night and drunk messaged her asking for that the god-knows-how-many-times to be his girlfriend.

(definition of 'Drunk Messaging' = When you get really, really drunk and you get really, really pissed off at your life or your friends or your dog or your ex or the person you had been trying to go after but couldn't get. Usually when it comes to Drunk Messaging, the anger is usually directed to the person you couldn't get/ex and you tend to send messages like 'How come you choose him and not me?' or 'Why did we break up? 'Can't we give this another chance?'. Messages usually reach the receiver at ungodly hours like 3am - 7am. Another alternative to drunk messaging is drunk calling, which is even more disastrous)

So now he is supremely confused and he needed my counsel, hence the talk in my car. As he was telling me about how he was calling her and sms-ing her, I really felt like I wanted to run out from my car. Either he goes or me, I remember thinking at that time. I was seriously contemplating my dash for salvation when I finally reasoned that I AM his bestfriend. (or so I think). My hands were on the side of the door, just waiting for my left and right brain to finish arguing. In the end, the logical side of me won. Why would I need to run? It IS his right to speak of whoever his new target is. Part of me was afraid that if I do run, I might not even be his friend anymore. I love him to bits, both as friends and more than friends.

Went home after half an hour under the pretext of me needing the washroom badly. I was proud of myself. I thought that I might cry in front of him but I held the tears off. I am proud. I've even said this to him 'If you really like her, you've gotta go for her! That's a real man. If you let this go, you're just a douche-bag' OK fine, I didn't say douche-bag but I've said the rest. I really can't believe it. I even gave him the peace sign. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I wanted to cry. Gigi told me that crying would make me feel better. I know, but have you ever heard of dry tears? No? Me neither, but I've experienced it yesterday.

Am listening to Fish Leong's Wei Wo Hao again and the lyrics seems more and more true to my situation. 'Just got to know that the smile on your face doesn't represent happiness, it's just out of courtesy' More or less like that. I sometimes wonder if he ever did enjoy our company. I will miss him...


LadyGem said...

Babe, this ain't the first time he has come to you for advice on his love life and I can promise you that this ain't gonna be the last either. Just be brave, put on a smile and wave... Oops... No wave, I mean... Well, you know what I mean.
Remember, you have friends and better still, you have friends who wouldn't mind your ungodly hour calls or sms. I think that is more important than any guy.

chinyew said...

i remember drunk calling once
to her not long after finding
out she found somebody else.
i even stupidly play Hins-Moo Neng Wei Leek as the background hoping that the song would touch her. told her how much i loved her. and all i wish was the best for her. but all she could reply was, "can we do this tomorrow?" yes, it was late. next morning she called back and ask me what was it about and she couldn't even remember what i said.

everytime i hear that song again, i could recall that feeling so well.

i and her was also very-very best friend. but i realized seeing her in love with somebody else is too difficult for me. tried for couple of months. and i was always in pain. call it quits. even merely as friend now.

still miss the old her. not the current her. just have to fully understand that they all both completely different person.

my point is, save the dry tears.
and if it still hurts, cut the current him away of your life.

and only miss the old him.


* Dream Weaver * said...

Crying cleanses the soul and when the crying is done, in time you become whole

Pinkity said...

Thanks guys, really appreciate all your comments and all advices.
Jess, I know that friends are more important than guys =^-^= I'd be an idiot to not know that. *hugz*
Chin Yew, 'miss the old him' I will take that to heart.
Joe, I am OK.. Thanks for asking. Though it was pretty much the wrong place. *tinkletinkle* YiHwa, are you ok? Your blog and all You're the greatest~ :p

kinkybluefairy said...

This is actually my second comment. You're pretty amusing! I laughed inside imagining a distraught you giving a peace sign.

Pinkity said...

Wow, thanks.. that is the first time someone told me, well, posted a comment to say that I am amusing. xoxox.. I will blog on. :) Anywayz kinkybluefairy, you look kinda familiar.. weird....