Wednesday, August 25, 2004

In a HIPHOP Mode

Posted by Hello

I am jst in a crappy mode.. Playing around with my webcam.. *godblesswebcams*

Had my interview... kinda screwed it up. Ugh.. What would YOU answer if someone asked u 'Sell yourself.. Gimme one reason for me to hire you'. Gem's like 'You're not a hooker'. Damn you're right Gem... Ugh

So, this is the story of my sad existance and my inability to sell myself. I was half tempted to tell the guy that if he would have bought me then he woulda have hell of a bargain, weight for weight. hahhaha

Oh well.. I am about to embark on a damn long holiday.. I will be blogging till my brains fall out and I really what I am going to do next dude.. think I will be working for Vivian in the bar meanwhile. Woo.. that would be damn cool~

Sigh.. Till then, pinkity the bartender signing out..

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Episode 12 - Sitting on an Empty Desk

Listening to: Rain - Madonna

Here I am, on a Saturday evening, 6.49pm to be exact. I am sitting on an empty desk, smoking a ciggie and staring at this computer screen. Gonna be the last time I'm doing this here, for 30th of August will be the last day I will be here. Sad to leave, and also happy. Dunno what I am feeling here.

I hate to leave some of my colleagues, but am happy to leave my boss. And also, on the upside, I would be exploring new territories. Hope the second interview I have on Tuesday will work out and I will be working on the events side as a Client Servicing person.

Pretty depressing actually, this turn of events. Everything turned out to be quite shitty as I thought that I could do anything that I put my mind to. Sigh.. looks like not.

So, this would be my last entry, I think from Novacomm. Goodbye friends that I have made here... goodbye desk, goodbye compy that had served me faithfully and also goodbye to the red seat that I love to sit cross legged on.


Friday, August 20, 2004

Who are you thinking of?

I think I find some truth in this.. That is why I am posting this up...

When you are together with that special someone,
you pretend to ignore that person.
But when that special someone is not around,
you might look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,
your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone.
Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back,
to let you know of their safe arrival,
your phone is quiet.
You are desperately waiting for the call!
At that moment, you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone
than other many long e-mails, you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the messages
in your answering machine because of one message from that special someone,
you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets,
you would not hesitate to think of that special someone.
Then, you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend",
but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction.
At that moment, you are in love.

While you are reading this page,
if someone appears in your mind,
then u are in love with that person.

Who are you thinking of? :p

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Something meaningful that I will forever hold in my heart!

On Friends and Such~

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.


Monday, August 16, 2004

Episode 11 - The one where I got Drunk

It's a lazy lazy Sunday afternoon and I am just feeling bored... Can't go out cruising cuz my car has got no petrol.. T-T gotta loan money from my mum again.. damn... and it's only the 15th.

I am trying to make time turn back.. WOOOO! Which reminds me of something I did that was stupid when I was drunk...

Here we go -

My friend Mei Wei got married, and me and Tania were invited to her wedding party. (more on that on a later post) So they were asking everyone to drink, to cut a long story short, held my drinks till I got back home.

So, after a long bathe and everything, I can actually feel the alco running round in my brains. T_T and this is when I did something so stupid it is not funny. I actually smsed Moo and told him that I missed him and I wanted to turn back time. I was seriously pissed.

His reply was the standard, we are just friends, blah and blah. Ok, point taken.. NEXT!

Morning after effects were horrible... Ughz....

Moral of the story is - Never get drunk after a break-up, it usually leaves a horrible aftertaste. *UwEK*

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Episode 10 - The Wrong Recipent

Listening to: I will spend my whole life Loving you - Tina Arena & Marc Anthony

Don't call me cynical, but what the hell does 'Forever' mean to you? Newsflash buddies.... Nothing is forever~ (though the song says 'Diamonds are forever', maybe that...)

It is 4am on a Sunday morning and I am just plain crappy and can't really sleep. Just finished an audio conversation with G and she was asking for the 411 on everything that has been happening here back in Malaysia. She told me that she would be applying for PR in Aust and will stay there. Sigh.... another one goes over to the other side. As in, to be part of the world. (As Gem always say, Malaysia is NOT part of the world... US always thinks that the world ends at Singapore~ T-T)

Listening to: Eyes On Me - Faye Wong

This song sure brings back memories of the bygone years. It was the song that really 'hot' back in high school days. Hehe.. thanks to Lay Geng, one of my classmates. 'I kind of liked it your way, how you shyly placed your peaceful eyes on me' That was my fave line from the song... It is romantic. That was my idea of romance back in high school. I guess now, life has gotten just a notch more cynical than it was before. Hell, I guess like how my former boss used to put it, this thing people call love should just be called 'companionship'. Somehow I agree with her... How would you know that your other half really 'loves' you? A question that baffles even the smartest of sages.

Listening to: Take a Bow- Madonna

'All the world is a stage, and everyone has their part, but how was I to know which way the story goes and how I was to know you'd break my heart?'

I guess that verse is true, everyone in life does have their parts. Everyone wears a mask, (though some doesn't admit it) Think everyone has their own sets of masks which they wear. The Smiley Mask, the Layan Mask, the Happy Mask, the 'I-am-listening-to-you' Mask but one thing that they do not show you is their true face. And more often than not, this face is sad, dissatisfied and angry. Sigh, maybe this is just a 'speaking-from-experience' thing from me again. It's just that we meet so many insincere people in this world. Somehow, after a while, you just rather not trust/know these people...

Listening to: My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne
Next Song : Take My Breathe Away - Jessica Simpson

Okok.. back to what happened today. Went for this Church function with Gem and Sarah. It's called Saint Francis Xavier (I think) Faith Educator's Gala Night. Faith Educators are basically teachers who had dedicated their time to teach Sunday School. Actually, come to think of it... it is a sacrifice to wake up really early to go to Church, and then later to teach at Sunday School. Kudos to Gem! I suddenly feel proud of her. :)

Listening to: She will be Loved - Maroon 5

It was an eye opening experience for me I guess.. have not been to something like that in the first place. They had singing and all. Worship, they call it. I think it's something akin to the Buddhist's chanting prayers. -_-; speaking of which, I think I should try to be more religious. Teens/young adults nowadays seems to be faithless. Really... If not so, why are they so many murders and rape cases? Sheeshh... I am beginning to lose faith in the human race. I wonder when can we redeem ourselves? (I am beginning to speak like a Jehovah's Witness T-T NoOoOoOOoooOOooO)

Listening to: Adia - Sarah McLachlan

Ugh.. I did a big boo boo on Thursday.. Happened like this : -

Was feeling bored in office on a lovely Thursday afternoon... so, was surfing around in Friendster.. and saw Jason's picture, so went in to check it out.. So happened that, one of Shyu's pictures were there too, and man, did she look like a man... so you know, as usual, feeling bitchy and all, decided to send Gem and Sarah a sms to proclaim my new discovery... and after finished typing that sms and was in the process of typing in Gem's number, my boss walked in and insisted that she wanted to talk to me ASAP. So me, always the everyready slave, quickly finished off my evil quest of sending that bitchy sms to the two main partner in crime.

So after having a little chat with my master; the boss, I walked back to my little cosy cubicle. Took my phone to delete the two reports that I am supposed to recieve and guess what? I sent the sms to Moo instead of Sarah (I remember Gem, Sarah, Moo and SDN 6's numbers, so when I send smses, I usually just type them out instead of looking for their names in the phonebook) ... I was like OMFG~ Quickly I sent out an apology to him, saying that I have sent it to the wrong person and he is to delete off the offending sms right there and then. I called Sarah (as I know Gem should be teaching in class) and told her. She was like 'You're dead...' I was like 'I know..' He replied a sms asking me what that sms was all about...

Listening to: I Miss You - Blink 182

'We could live like Jack & Sally, if we want to, where you can always find me, we'll have Halloween on Xmas and we'll wish this never end, we'll wish this never end'

Actually, I did not mean to diss her.. I mean, even if she was not Moo's ex. Seriously... I mean, it's not like I'm pining over him.. Maybe initially, but now.. not really... The look like a man thing, it could be someone else I was bitching about... heh.. Hope he doesn't think that I am still not over him ler... Cause I think I am over him (in the first place, I was never UNDER him.. -_-)

'Don't waste your time on me, You're already the voice inside my head'

True that, true that... I guess now he is jst a memory (just a few kb of memory, I would say, if I were a harddisk.. hahehaeh) that I would store and maybe in my golden years, reminiese about. He is after all my first love... heheh

So that was Drama Panggung Khamis for you ladies and gentlemen.. Actually I really panicked. I have not felt so 'fuck' in my whole life ok... But thank goodness, he was pretty cool with it. (If he's not, he did a damn good job hiding it) He in fact replied me to say that he doesn't give a damn if I would say she looks like a dog. Hmmm... Not sure if that is the truth. But oh well, doesn't concern me anymore... :p

Anyhowz... It is almost 5am and I should get some sleep.. if not.. I would prolly die on Monday. Sigh.. still no news on my job. T-T

Till then.. wait for the next episode of this dramatic drama... hehe

Friday, August 13, 2004

And she will be Loved


Was feeling like crap for the whole of today. I actually fell asleep in the toilet in office. T-T I know I shouldn't feel proud about it but seriously... had my head against the wall and was sitting on the toilet. damn....

This week is technically one of the worst weeks ever in my life.

Felt sick throughout. Running nose and sore throat and coughing fits. T-T

Nothing much to yell and scream about.

Monday, had drinks at Mani's, went home about 1 am.

Went to BarFlam's on Tuesday. Not exactly too fun.. but yeah, will do.

Wednesday, was at One Utama to visit Rose. Bought her ice cream and roses, cause we thought it was her birthday, but her birthday actually on the 28th August 2004.

Thursday - today, felt cranky. Got home really early.. bout 7pm. Ate and straight away went to to bed. Mum was weird today, I was sitting in my dining room eating,alone. I was looking rather down, she was like ' What's wrong?' I replied her that I was sick. She was like 'Heartsick ar?' and asked me about Moo and all. I was like 'No more liao ler'

She was like 'Ah? No more still can hang out together wan er?' (Cause on Saturday the whole gang was at my place) I was like 'Yeah'


Anyway... I think I should sleep now. Am pretty tired and washed out. Last day at work is next week Thursday I think. Still no luck in interviews... Sigh.

"Peace Out" -_-;

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

A short piece for the depressed

Listening to: Everytime - Britney Spears
Waiting for: The sky to fall and my Boss to finish up her stuff so I can go off

Here I am again, still in the office, waiting for stuff to be done so I can send them tomorrow to my Client's place. Not really keen to go home, for some unknown reason.

Ohhum... Yesterday was online till 4am, chatting with Speed Dial Number 6. Can't really sleep after that. Was tossing and turning till bout 5am, so basically slept only for bout 3 hours.

Sighhhh~ I am feeling empty again. Not that I am hungry, just feel empty and there is this sudden urge for me to restart my life. Restart as in not to start over again, but to just totally finish my life off and to be reborn. (Don't panic, just a thought)

Thought about it, but then, maybe not.. it is just too troublesome. heh... Am just feeling really dark and sulky now.

Still waiting for my boss... T.T

Sigh.. looks like there is much more things to life than what I am feeling at the moment. So many bigger things happening. What that is happening to me is prolly just peanuts compared to what that had happened to other people... sigh.. I guess, life is just a journey, and sadness, grief and crappy feelings are just like bumps on this really long road to heaven.

Dang~ I feel so melodramatic... But I guess, as selfish as this would sound like, thinking that I am much better off than other people is just the thing that keeps me afloat at the moment. I could get a job anywhere, but it's just me who keeps choosing.

Love? I've got friends and family who loves me. Some might not even have a family to fall back on... I am super lucky, yeah I am... I have both my hands AND legs. Eyes and nose and mouth. I can talk and hear perfectly... Yeah I am lucky....

***Peace... Damn.. this IS good shit.. hahahha***

Monday, August 09, 2004

The Good, Bad and The Ugly

The Good - I am Single AGAIN
The Bad - I sorta got Dumped and Cheated
The Ugly - We are Still Friends

The Explaination -

For the god damned 3rd time, I am typing this out. Everytime I wanna post this up, something happens. Ugh...

okok.. Short and sweet this is gonna be. Me and Moo no more. Yes we are still friends. Why? Oh well, maybe cuz I am jst stupid.

It happened that I felt that 3 weeks down into the relationship, he doesn't exactly treat me as like he did when we first went out together... So one day I just asked him 'Why you like me, why me and why now, after all those years that you have known me.'

I told him to answer me honestly and I have already sorta knew wht his answer will be. When he replied me that 'The love for you got less' I was like 'Ohhkay..' So I guess, I told him that if that is how he feels then we should just end it here, before this feeling gets deeper for me.

Maybe it was a sigh of relief on his side, I do not know. But I guess it should be something like that for him, because there was no signs of regret or any signs that he was feeling sorry or anything.

He kept asking me if I was angry at him, or if I hate him. My stupid pride, got in the way, I answered him that I was not angry nor do I hate him. I was thinking, if I was not feeling so sad, I would have felt the anger. I would have told him that too... If I wanted him to pity me. But, I do not want anyone to pity me. Funny that I pity myself.

In a way, I got cheated. Of my feelings. If he, in the first place, was unsure of his feelings, he should have kept his feelings to himself. Now that I have allowed myself to feel for him, my feelings grew.

I do like him. When we went out, I do like the feeling of walking with him. Maybe like wht Gem told me, I just liked the feeling of having someone with me, as someone who was more than a friend. I am not sure... Think after one week, I would not feel so bad. But I think this rejection thing has gotten much worse and I am feeling depressed. First, rejection in workplace. As though that was not bad enough, this totally unneccesary rejection have to happen.

Oh well, at least I have friends who love me. So, moral of the story is,
Do Not Love Your Friend. Do Not Say That Yi Hwa Have Not Warned You....

P/S: Where IS my happy Ending?

First Pix

On my 22nd Birthday~ Posted by Hello

Found out a way to upload pix into my blog, but can only do this at home.. Sigh.. had been trying to write this bloody thing for a whole one week already and everytime I want to post it, something will happen. Is this a sign? T-T