Sunday, October 30, 2005

Bumming Blissfully

Listening to: The Corrs - My Lagan Love
Feeling: Like, wide awake!

I am such a lazy bum today, woke up at 5.15 pm and got a scolding from my mum. *have not gotten that for a long time* And me being that horrible and mean bitch of a daughter, ignored her and proceeded to heat up my lunch.

Finished up 'lunch' and bummed in my room watching 'War and Beauty' for a while before messaging Gem to ask her out for dinner. Got a reply from her that it is Cindy's hen's night and can't make it. Remembered that I was invited too and asked her what time is the party and got a call from Gigi telling me that they are already making a move. I was like 'Oh NO!'. I was still in my ratty house clothes. They offered to pick me up and I ran to wash my hair and bathe and got ready in a record time of fifteen minutes. (with glam makeup and all). Got there just in time and there was a warm welcome from people I do not really know. (after all, I knew Cindy through Gem and Gigi, they're colleagues) Had food and drinks(uniquely named 'Is the stripper here yet?' lol), and some cam ho moments, well, it was not exactly fun but then I was flattered of the fact that Cindy invited me even though I've only knew her for a short period of time. Left after a while because we (well, nearly all of us) wanted coffee.

Nini and her new boo, Be, joined us for coffee and we left after I had my fix of coffee and chocolate. (blissblissbliss) Ham and Kat were tired from staying out will 6 am after watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose the night before. That's what happens when you're a scaredy cat!!! On the way back, Jay called for a drink *weeeeee!!!!!* and I happily obliged, even though I had to go back and drive out again.

What a wonderful life...

Just got home not too long ago and I feel wide awake. Am supposed to meet up with Ndrew at Starfucks at Uptown at 1 tomorrow. Yawn.. Also supposed to get my aircond fixed + brake lights fixed. Not done yet!! T-T lazyness kills!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Joke of the week

Listening to: Nothing
Feeling: Amused

I was having a chat with Yews and he asked me about my job...

Y.S.Chan says: (7:44:32 PM)
Someone said "her world is pretty good"

Y.S.Chan says: (7:44:41 PM)
hahahaha... i thought... "my world was better."


My Dream Guy *Version2.0*

Listening to: The roaring noise from the traffic
Feeling: Contented with coffee and ciggies

Aights, since I am feeling much better today *Cheers to that* and slightly bored waiting for Jay, I've decided to write this. An updated version of My Dream Guy.

Please bear with me guys, every girl has the rights to keep her list right? I mean, if I'm a guy I wouldn't be bothered because it would read something like this:

1. Firm Boobs
2. Big Tits
3. Firm Boobs
4. Big Tits
5. Firm Boobs
6. Big Tits

You get my flow...

Well, girls are different. Girls are sensitive and we care about everything. Down to the way the guy chews his food. Things like that... So here's my two cents to the perfect guy

The Purr-fect Guy

1. He who minds his P's and Q's
So sue me. I hate guys who rude. Especially those who think that they have money to spend and would refuse to say thank you and please to waiters, waitresses, sales person and people like that. I mean, even if they are serving you they are still human right? I've seen guys scolding waitresses/waiters because their food arrived late. Sometimes, just a simple 'Excuse me but my food is late' would be sufficient. Unless the other party is rude too, I think rudeness is unnecessary and manners are supposed to be kept.

2. He who eats with his mouth closed
I've seen guys who chew with their mouth open, hence 'see food' and that is like a major turn off.

Imagine this, cute guy in a restaurant. He's soooo cute and you think he kinda look like Orlando Bloom and best of all, he's alone. So you change place with your friend who is sitting in front of that table facing him so you can see him better and you try to make eye contact. He orders... hmm... chicken rice and iced coffee. You sigh dreamily. His drinks and food arrives and he starts eating. You imagine having a candlelit chicken rice dinner with him and suddenly you noticed that took a sip of that iced coffee while he is chewing his chicken rice. Oh well, you thought, you can live with that. Then he starts chewing again, this time with his mouth open. You can see the whole mass of rice and chicken and coffee going down his throat. You change place again with your friend and you console yourself by thinking that he is most probably gay anyway.
*and you know that is a lie because gay men are so much more better mannered* EKKKKK, nightmare

3. He who is intelligent and humble

I hate people who are shallow and can't take criticism for anything in the world. I cannot imagine spending time with someone who wonders all the time about what people would think about him. Like WHAT..EVERRR~ Or those who rates girls according to the size of their boobs. I mean, we girls would not rate guys by the size of their penises. Like so why guys do that?

Oh, and those who hang their degree on their neck. Those who spill philosophies of life based on the amount of years they have been alive. Sighs.. Get a grip. Being older doesn't mean that you're wiser than me! And so if you're really smart, do be humble.

4. He who is a romantic

Notice that the word 'Romantic' has the word 'man' in it. Yes, it is so. If you're romantic, you're a man. *tee hee* So bring out the flowers and champagne, the dancing under the moonlight and cozy cuddles.

Can only think of 4 at the moment. More to come.. Brains working slow and coffee would be good.

What comes around, goes around

Listening to: Sandy Lam - Zhi Shao Hai You Ni
Feeling: YAY!

It was just another 'lalala' day when I was checking my Tarot of the day. This card came up...

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"The Judgment: A swift and conclusive decision. The resolution of a matter long unanswered. A change in point of view, most frequently towards greater enlightenment. Final balancing of karma"

And I thought, well, that's a pretty strong card to get on a boring day like this and brushed it aside.

An hour or so later, the GM called me into his room and broke the news to me that I am hired for the other mag. My god, I was of course elated but then after a while I freaked out a bit when I remembered the Tarot.

"The resolution of a matter long unanswered", "Swift and conclusive decision" and "Final balancing of karma"

"The resolution of a matter long unanswered"
Hell yeah it has been long... I had been waiting for a job change since June!

"Swift and conclusive decision"
I was in GM's room for about 3 minutes?

"Final balancing of karma"
Would really love to see that happening to Hitler. Hell yeah!!!!!! His time has come...

That was really scary... I mean, what are the chances?

Well, guess if I really go jobless in the future, I can consider opening up a stall and start charging people for Tarot readings!!


Have Blog, Will Travel II

Listening to: Howie Day - Collide
Feeling: Extremely bored

Traveling... I'm not actually a big fan of traveling but there are a few places I really wanna go before I die. No, it's not Japan or Korea. Places like these are easily reachable and would only require me to acquire that certain amount of money to buy the air ticket and accommodation and food. Boring...

My plan is this, I'll go these places and I will cover each and every place listed below in my blog. It will be a travelblog that I'll update daily. Sigh... if I get enough funding, I will definitely make the trip. I'll give up my career (If it's still one) even for this... I need to run away.

Manchu Picchu, Peru

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It's a hell of a trek up but it is sure worth it... I WANNNNNNNN!

Kathmandu, Nepal

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Alaska, North Pole. To watch the auroras

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Great Wall of China, China

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Arihito had once told me that I was born in the wrong century. Maybe I was truly once a concubine or *gasp* empress?!?!

The Pyramids

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Arabian nights, watching the stars in the desert is like being in heaven! Imagine a piece of black velvet with silver glitters on it... Sighs

I can imagine the amount of pictures that I can take.. Imagine the people I get to meet. It will be bliss. Any sponsors for this?

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Have Blog, Will Travel

Listening to: Fort Minor - Believe Me
Feeling: Down fucked yet again

For the longest time I thought I could hold on to this while looking for another job but unfortunately, things are getting worst. Last straw came when Hitler brought in another guy to replace me and he is now sitting at my place doing work while I am on my baby doing my own work i.e chatting and blogging.

On the upside, I can download songs directly into my baby and I do not need to worry about deleting my web files. It's like I am doing something illegal and that feels shitty.

And I was thinking, maybe I should really just have a travel blog. I write and travel and I eat and I will be merry...

What life!

More on this in my next post!

Sunday, October 23, 2005

It's finally over...

Listening to: Third Eye Blind - Deep inside of you
Feeling: Nearly Contented

It is windy and the trees were swaying, leaning whichever way the wind blows. And I sat down on the sandy ground of the park, resting my tired back on the cold metal bar on the strange exercise thingy housing developers built out of scrap metal bluffing health conscious residents into thinking that it actually really works.

I started talking. About everything. Summarized 4 months worth of problems into a simple, easy to understand 20 minutes worth of frustrated ranting. He listened, occasionally giving that nod and grunt to show he understands what I was trying to say. I bitched on, giving him the lowdown on Arihito and the rest of the group and finally, about my own.

Then I remembered why I chose him to be my confidante. Because he was always willing to listen to whatever that I have to say. He never questions why I did certain things, always understanding and offering support unconditionally. That's why I loved him. I finished my tirade when the rain finally came. A fine drizzled settled over the grass and he asked if I would like to continue in his house.

I thought and remembered that he is now with someone else and that someone else might not be as unforgiving and shook my head. "Maybe another time," I said, knowing that it would be a full month at least before I could see him and turned towards my car. The wind was cold and I could feel it. At least I felt it.

That 30 steps towards my car felt as though it took 30 minutes.

"It's raining, so drive carefully."


"Good night then."

Good night...

"....Hey... Take it easy."

"Yea... thanks."

And I drove off. I realized that I was over him. I realized throughout the half an hour, I did not once look at his face.

There is no more tears, no more love, no more feelings.

And I am grasping at the shreds that was once our friendship, hoping it could be mended.

The wiper went to and fro swiping rain off the windscreen, why can't we just erase certain things off as easily?

Outside, the wind started chasing leaves off the road and sending them into a dance. Things will be better soon. The healing has started.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

I should be so lucky

Listening to: My aunty snoring
Feeling: Fucking High

Just got back from G and Gems' colleague's house party. Still reeling from the high-ness of that party. Had loads of fun and laughter with good food, good wine and good company. Feel honored that Mike (the host) would actually invite me to this party even thought I've only met him once.

That thought actually inspired me to write this post actually. I am so blessed with people who love me in this life. People who I've only met once wants to meet me again. Don't mean to sound snotty when I say this but I think I have wonderful luck with people.

Nic once told me that I have so many friends and that I'm really lucky. I know I am lucky. Super lucky to have friend who had been through ups and downs. The highs and the lows. Everything. To those who I had good times with, thank you. You know who you are...

But to those who I had gone through crying sessions with, had been angry at and made up after that, whom I had pooled money with to eat or to buy ciggies and to those whom I had the craziest times together... I love you all so much I do not know how to express it.. You know who are you... xoxox

My god, I'm so in the love love mood now.. Ekk

Thursday, October 20, 2005

My Condolences

Listening to: Kelly Clarkson - Because of you on (Actually watching it)
Feeling: Boredness

It was a gloomy day today and the moment I stepped out of my house, it started raining. Thinking that it seemed kinda odd because it rarely rains in the morning.

Drove to work and heard from the radio that the Prime Minister's wife had passed away.

Sometimes it scares me because the weather could somehow match our moods.

Think about it

My dream guy *no more*

Listening to: Kris Dayanti feat Ajai - Hati ini telah dilukai
Feeling: Cold!! Fingers freezing

So I was rifling through my collection of old and dusty books when I found me, Joe, IeeLan, and Tania's treasure. This old journal we used to keep when we were in high school. Was flipping through when this caught my eye. An entry titled 'My Dream Guy'. An excerpt:

My Dream Guy

1. Has to be taller than me

2. Must have a good sense of humor

3. Must be caring and protective but not overly protective

4. Must be willing to belanja me. *ahh, dun laugh!*

5. Have to be romantic like hell. i.e: Send me flowers and candy on Valentine's Day. On my birthday he has to give me a kiss and a HUGE teddy bear (though I prefer perfume) and also not to forget one dozen of roses to say 'I love you'.

6. Has to be independent like knowing how to cook and washing his own shoes. (eh, I was still in high school then and washing my bloody shoes were the biggest nightmare next to finishing my math homework)

OK, first of all let me explain. I was 15, filled with hormones and have not given in to the joys of cigarettes, coffee and shopping yet. Gimme a frigging break. 8 years down the road. Here's what's left on the list.

My Dream Guy

1. Has to be taller than me.
Same height also can la!!! I'll just do a Nicole Kidman-Tom Cruise thing. I won't wear my heels.

2. Must have a good sense of humor.
Good sense of humor not required anymore. I've discovered that I can be pretty funny at times. I'll just laugh at my own jokes.

3. Must be caring and protective but not overly protective.
Whatever la. Even if not protective I can defend myself. I was the one who whopped a snatch thief's ass. Heck, I might just prolly end up protecting HIM

4. Must be willing to belanja me.
I need to up this. When I get together with whoever, I will need to drill this into the unlucky bastard's head 'Your money is my money, my money is my money'

5. Have to be romantic like hell. i.e: Send me flowers and candy on Valentine's Day. On my birthday he has to give me a kiss and a HUGE teddy bear (though I prefer perfume) and also not to forget one dozen of roses to say 'I love you'. Well, that is like fecking corny. On Valentine's we'll have to do the most expensive Japanese joint and I'll get so drunk on sake and I'll puke on his nicely pressed shirt. On my birthday, I'd be happy to see a platinum card in an envelope. Roses? Too passe, lilies!! Big white lilies! Delivered to my office so all my colleagues will ohh and ahhh when the bouquet arrives. Bonus point = Helium balloons in pink and white

6. Has to be independent like knowing how to cook and washing his own shoes.
Yes, this remains. And he has to buy his own undies and roll his own socks and do his own laundry too.

And tell me why I am still single please?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Listening to: Phones ringing
Feeling: Bored

Another long day at the office with nothing much to do but to surf the internet at slow speed. It's gonna be 5.30 so I am pretty excited with the option of either going home or getting my already flat (plus fat) ass to Starfucks to finish the remaining bit of Narnia that Drama had so kindly loaned me.
Thinking of whether should I or should I not call Penguin (a friend of a friend that I kinda became friends with) for a drink. Maybe not. Rainy days are always not the best time to meet someone you've never met before... You know, wet hair and smeared mascaras doesn't always make the best first impression.

So tomorrow's the big day. I need to sit for a test. A written test to see if I could make it to the other magazine. A bit scared because of everything that had happened, all the demoralizing and shits like that, I feel small, insignificant and useless. Which is bad. Sighs... Hope that things will work out fine. Other than that... it's just another boring rainy day.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Why can something so simple turn into something so complicated?

Sometimes, I wonder if people understand the feeling of being rejected, pushed away or declined. I am sure that they were many songs written on this subject but for the time being, Mariah Carey's Breakdown is the best of them all.

This song had always been my all time favorite, ever since her Butterfly album was launched? So much emotion and passion in this song... Can you feel it?

by Mariah Carey feat Bone, Thugs & Harmony

You called yesterday to basically say
That you care for me but that you're just not in love
Immediately I pretended to be feeling similarly
And led you to believe I was OK to just walk away from the one thing that's unyielding and sacred to me

I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of smile gradually I'm dying inside

Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise till I go home at night
Turn out all the lights and then I breakdown and cry

So what you do when somebody you're so devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you
And it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through

Do you cling to your pride
And sing 'I will survive'
Do you lash out and say
"How dare you leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away

I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of smile gradually I'm dying inside

Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise till I go home at night
Turn out all the lights and then I breakdown and cry

And I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of smile gradually I'm dying inside

Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise till I go home at night
Turn out all the lights and then I breakdown and cry

Is the the latest trend?

Listening to: Sounds of a passing airplane
Feeling: The Mondays

"So is it like, the latest trend to come round for drinks and leave 20 minutes later? I mean... just a thought...."

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Going to the other side

Listening to: Random songs at Starfucks Uptown
Feeling: Slightly amused

*(Names have been changed to protect privacy)

It was just another rainy Saturday evening and I was out with *MetrosexualMan having dinner when he said this:

"If I would find a guy who would love me, and I have feelings for him, I might just consider."

OK, there was no drop jaw reaction from me, I had always wondered since high school. But somewhere through college he had managed to convince me that he is not. I had been defending him from everyone who asked. It just amuses me to hear him say that.

Not that I will treat me him any different if he declare that he has gone over to the dark side. I will still love him. But I'll just wonder what do guys have that we girls do not?

Aights... makes me as a girl feel bad for our species. What say you?

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Being Contented...

Listening to: Low Millions - Eleanor
Feeling: Slightly more contented than before

Everyone has their own problems, but of late, troubles had been coming in one by one, one after another. I guess it is a turbulent time for everyone.

It's a trying time, but what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. Remember that!

So I was sitting here, wondering which problem's the biggest, how it interlinks with us and things like that when I suddenly thought of a story I've read in my collection of fairy tales. It's about how everyone thinks their problem is the biggest and how they enjoyed dwelling in their own problems. I have spent about an hour typing this out! =_=; Enjoy it ok? I thought that it's pretty meaningful.

The Discontented Village
By Rose Dobbs

There was once a village that had every reason to be the happiest in the world but was in fact the saddest. It was situated in a pleasant valley with protecting mountains all around. It had fertile fields, industrious workers, and a prosperous market-place. But it was not happy because there lived in it not one contented inhabitant. Each person believed himself weighed down with troubles like an old nag with bones. And what is more, each believed his, problems were heavier than any of his neighbor's. If you saw a little group of people standing together and sidled over to hear what they were talking about, you would find yourself listening not to good talk about the weather, or crops, of the price of cheese, or the arrival of a new baby. No - you would hear nothing but talk about trouble.

"Ah, me" like as not one would be saying, "was there ever a more unfortunate man than I? Things are so bad with me that trouble has moved right into my house and is now a steady boarder."

"What do you know about trouble?" his neighbor answers. "Trouble is so familiar with me, he calls me by name."

"Have you heard?" a third chimes in. "Trouble is calling me brother."

It is said where there is smoke, there must be fire. Perhaps there is a good reason for such talk? Let us see.

Here is the miller - a fine man, sole owner of a busy mill, completely free and master of himself. He earns more than a pretty penny and no one to tell him what to do wit it. But is he happy? No. Why not? Because he has no wife.

"The baker, now," sighs the miller. "The baker is a happy man. When he comes home at the end of the day his place is neat and his supper upon the table. What does he know of having to shift for himself? What does he know of trouble?"

And the baker - is he happy? No. And why not? Because he has no child.

"What is the use of putting up with the restrictions of married life," mumbles the baker, "if there is no child to look after a man in his old age? It is unfair an unfair world. Here I have none and the carpenter has six."

And the carpenter - is he happy? No. And why not? Because he has too many children. All day long the carpenter complains: "By my hammer and nails, is there a curse on me? Other men's children grow like weeds and are soon farm hands and wage earners. But mine, now, they stay on all fours forever and the cradle never empty. Ah me, does any man have such troubles as I?"

And what about the people whose children are grown - are they happy? No. And why not? Listen, and you shall hear.

Here is the tailor with a good steady son, a dreamer and a scholar. "Of what use are dreamers and scholars?" moans the tailor. "The world is too busy for dreaming and too much learning leads but to destruction. Now why, if only one child was given me, could it not have been a strong, ambitious lad like the tinker's or a pretty girl like the widow's - a girl who will marry well and keep her mother in comfort?"

But the tinker is unhappy because his strong, ambitious lad is ever off adventuring, and the widow us unhappy because her pretty daughter will have none of the rich farmer's son but is casting soft glances in the direction of the scholar. And so the tinker and the widow complain too.

"Children seldom grow up good and steady and obedient," they both wail. "Children are best when they're in the cradle. Yes, the carpenter with his little ones and the baker and the miller with no children at all - there are happy men."

And the carpenter and the baker and the miller? We have already heard them.

And so it went. The people who worked envied those who loafed and those who loafed envied those who worked and made money. And the young longed for the irresponsibilities of old age and the old wept for their lost youth. And if they didn't have any immediate reason for being unhappy, they looked hard enough until they found one.

So day by day this discontent grew, and the moans and groans and mumbles and grumbles rose like a great thick fog. And one day the fog hide the sun. So busy were the people at first with their troubles that they paid no attention but when many sunless hours went by, it occurred to them that here was trouble indeed, touching all of them.

"Truly we are an unhappy folk," they now cried, all together. "Even the sun won't shine on us."

Out of the gloom one day came a traveller. It had been murky for long that no one expected any visitors, and the first the villagers knew of his approach was the sound of a merry voice singing gaily:

Heigh ho,
Life is jolly,
Content is wisdom,
Complaint is folly

The people gathered in the main street to see who it was that subscribed to such an outlandish theory. And presently there emerged out of the gloom a tall figure. It was a man, not old, not young; not well dressed, not shabby; not loaded with provisions, yet not entirely bereft, for the small bundle slung over his shoulder seem comfortably full. He stopped in front of the people and put down his bundle.

"Greetings," he said. "Forgive me, my friends, for not giving you the good of the morning or the evening, for by my life, how is a man to tell in this gloom if it be day or night here?"

"The sun has deserted the world," said one of the villagers. "And," he added severely, "small cause for singing, I should say."

The stranger smiled. "The sun is shining warm and bright somewhere, I warrant. When this fog lifts, you will see."

The villagers regarded him suspiciously. This cheerful comment was not to his liking. " Who are you?" he asked bluntly.

"I?" The stranger shrugged his shoulders. "I am no one and every one. I am a homeless wanderer and I own the earth."

"Poor man," said another villager. "Trouble has addled your brain."

"Trouble?" said the stranger. "Now that is one word I do not know."

The people crowded round him and examined him closely.

"Are you ill?" they asked in amazement. "How can you say you know not trouble with no hearth or fire or chick or child to call your own? Wandering over the face of the earth, and walking without rest. That does not make for any foolish philosophy of contentment. Trouble in the form of weary legs."

"Ah well," said the stranger, "there is no ill but somewhere a cure exists for it. And as for weary legs, the best cure is to take the weight off them."

And down he sat, under a tree.

The villagers gathered around him open-mouthed. And the stranger calmly sat there. Finally the miller said, "Well, now, since you are so much-travelled, perhaps in your wanderings you have heard of a cure for fog?"

"Perhaps," said the stranger. He rose, turned his long nose up, then down, then this way, then that. He sniffed like a dog. Then he stuck out his tongue, tasted the fog and made a wry face. "This is no ordinary fog," he said, "for, unpleasant as it is, fog is still nothing but vapor, and vapor is nothing but water which neither smell nor tastes bad. Still this looks like fog, and it feels like fog. It must be some special kind, caused by something most disagreeable. If I know the cause, I might know the cure."

"We do not know the cause," said the baker. "The sun suddenly left us. I remember it was some time ago. I was thinking of how unhappy I was then-"

"Yes," interrupted the carpenter. "I was thinking of how little reason others have for unhappiness, compared to me, when -"

The tailor interrupted the carpenter and the tinker interrupted the tailor and soon everyone was shouting.

And as they shouted, they fog grew thicker and thicker.

"Stop!" said the stranger, "It needs no Solomon to see what is wrong here. Well. Well. There is no ill but somewhere a cure exists for this. Yes, even for this ill."

"And what might the cure be?" asked the widow, eagerly.

"Simple," said the stranger, 'if you will listen carefully and follow instructions."

All the people solemnly and silently nodded their heads.

The stranger sat down again.

"Now then," he said, "let's see: you must string up one stout line from one end of the market-place to the other. Then you must each go home and put your troubles into a sack - "

"No sack in the world is large enough to contain mine," cried the carpenter.

"Nor mine," sighed the widow.

"Nor mine," wailed the tailor.

"Nor mine," cried they all.

The stranger frowned. "Well, then, if you will not listen and will not obey - " He began to rise once more.

And the fog grew thicker and thicker

"Stay!" cried the people. "We will manage somehow. Let us hear the cure."

The stranger sat down once more.

"Then you must each go home and put your problems into a sack," he said once again, "and bring the sacks down to the market-place and hang them up on the line. Then you must step back, a good way back - and wait until I give you the signal. At the signal each of you may rush forward to take any sack he wishes off the line. For the fog will not lift until you stop complaining."

The people were entranced. Their eyes gleamed and thoughts rush through their heads like scurrying mice. No doubt you might have already guessed what those thoughts were.Each person saw himself quickly getting rid of his troubles by grabbing his neighbor's sack. And each hugged the wicked thought close, for fear his neighbor might catch it.

The stranger leaned back against tree and peering through the gloom watched the villagers string up the line. The they made for their homes and presently he saw them again - a long line of people - each lugging a sack. They reached the market-place and with much panting hung the sacks up on the line.

Then they drew back - a good way back - and stood or sat in little groups.

The stranger did not move. Every eye was fastened on him, but he gave no sign.

And so they waited. Still no sign,

And still they waited. And still no sign.

Finally, the people took their eyes off the stranger and fixed them upon the line of sacks. Each person heaved a mighty sigh as he looked at his own sack and compared it to his neighbor's, for of course to each one his own sack loomed largest and heaviest. They looked again at the stranger. Still no sign. So they turned back to the sacks. And they gazed and gazed, and as they gazed they began to think, and as they thought their musing took an unusual turn.

The carpenter's eyes had been darting from the sack of the tailor to the sack of the tinker; from the sack of the tinker to the sack of the widow. Presently he fixed his gaze to the widow's sack. The carpenter sits up with a start. Is it possible? Can that be the widow's sack dragging on the ground, while his, the carpenter's , swings gaily and lightly above? The carpenter recalls it is many weeks since the village has seen ribbon or flounce of the widow's pretty daughter. The girl went off to her aunt vowing she would not return until the scholar was made welcome in the widow's home. Poor widow. Poor lonely woman. Into the carpenter's ears comes the joyous sounds of his little children's jolly voices, and into the carpenter's heart comes the proud knowledge that disobedience is unknown in his home. But for how long?

"Ah me," thinks the carpenter, "how short a while are children little; how short a time do they obey us; how quickly are they grown up and become willful and independent; how apt to go off and leave the home empty and sorrowful." For the first time, the carpenter remembers gratefully the extreme youth of his own children. He turns in pity to the widow, but the widow's eyes are glued on the carpenter's sack... A terror grips the carpenter.

The tailor's gaze is fixed on the tinker's sack. Suddenly he sits up with a start. Is it possible? Can the tinker's sack be bigger than his? Into the tailor's mind flashes the rumors he has been hearing of war. He sees the tinker's strong, ambitious son march off. His own son, the frail scholar and dreamer, stays behind, Will the tinker ever see his son again? The tailor's heart almost stopped beating. Into his mind comes a thought: When the world is weary of hate and destruction and sick over the loss of the young and strong, it will turn to the comfort which the dreamers will bring and the healing the scholars will send. For dreams are ever made of hope, and from learning comes understanding, and in understanding lies man's salvation. The tailor's eyes grew moist. He looks in compassion at the tinker. But the tinker's gaze is fixed upon the tailor's sack... A sudden terror grips the tailor.

The miller had been keeping one eye on the stranger and one on the baker's sack. But when he turned both eyes in the baker's sack, he sat up with a start. Was it possible? Could it be that the baker's sack be bigger than his? The miller stares and thinks. It occurs to him that he never sees the baker in the tavern of an evening. "That wife of his," the men say, "she won't let him enjoy a glass of ale with us. Poor man, he cannot call his soul his own." The miller thinks and stares. "Everyone knows," he recalls his cronies saying, "that the tongue of the baker's wife is tied in the middle and wags from both ends. Poor man, he knows not one peaceful moment." The miller looks with sympathy at the baker. But the baker had decided that little children mean small troubles, and big children mean large troubles, and a wife mean trouble all the time. So he does not meet miller's sympathetic look. His eyes are riveted on the miller's sack... A sudden terror grips the miller.

And so it happened that as each one of the villagers turned greedy eyes on some one else's sack, it was only to see that the sack he coveted was always bigger and heavier than his own. And gradually each pair of eyes came to rest on its own sack and each heart beat impatiently for the signal. And as the people's heart filled with thoughts of pity and compassion and sympathy and gratitude - and content - the fog began to lift. The air became sweet and cool and clear. A full moon sailed the sky, lighting up the whole market-place. Like a silver ship, the moon followed her starry course and eventually disappeared in the west. In the east a faint glow appeared behind the mountains, the stranger rose and stretched himself.

The people were overjoyed to see the sun. And now they noticed too that the fog had gone. They breathed deeply of the sweet, cool air. Oh never again would they pollute it with complaints.

But the sign. Would it never be given? They turned anxiously to the stranger. He picked up his bundle, slung it slowly over his shoulder, and called out: "Go!"

Off like a shot went each of the villagers. And straight as an arrow did each one head for his very own sack.

How light each felt to its owner as he took it off the line. And how happy was each man to have his own sack once more.

They turned to thank the stranger - but there were no one under the tree. The soft morning breeze brought them back the echo of a song:

Heigh ho,
Life is jolly,
Content is wisdom,
Complaint is folly


Gem, G, HamHam, KatKat and Nini, everything will be alright in the end... Ganbatte ne!

Edit: Hurrah!! This is post no.200 :p

Friday, October 14, 2005

The Art of Driving home Jam free during the Fasting Month

Listening to: - Piped music over at Friendster Cafe
Feeling: Like a bum

After work today, me and Seems went for a drink at, where else but Starfucks, (oh comeon Starbucks!! Gimme an endorsement deal already!!!) to avoid the 'people-rushing-home-to-break-fast-jam'. So we were sitting there, watching the cars jam by. Inch by inch they move and I was wondering if they know The Art of Avoiding Jams on the Fasting Month. Take it from me, I took 8 minutes to get home from Seksyen 13 to Bandar Utama (normally would take me about 15 minutes to 20 minutes) so take these smart tips from moi :p

1. Are you familiar with your area? Avoid those places with them food bazaars like a plague. That will prolly shave 15 mins or so off your driving time.

2. Leave the starting point before 4pm or after 7pm. Before 4pm meaning before the muslims start leaving the office for home (or the mentioned food bazaars) and after 7pm, when the muslims are back home waiting to makan whatever they had bought at the food bazaars/waiting at the stalls to break fast.

3. Drive full speed at about 130kmph. Enjoy it while you can. How often can you cruise at that speed down the streets of KL at 7pm? (Confessions of a Closet Blog Addict does not condone illegal activities such as breaking the speed limit)

4. Avoid food courts or halal eateries at from 6.30pm onwards. There is bound to be a crowd. Think of it this way, let the muslim eat first, you had your lunch maaaa (this is assuming you're not a muslim ok?)!! Plus, it's rude to rub elbows with hungry people.

So there. My guide to frazzle-free driving through the Rahmadan month!

Selamat Berpuasa!!

Post Script: Muslim readers please do not feel offended in any other way. These are just my thoughts on the fasting month! Thank you...

Depressed over nothing

Listening to: Evil Hitler's voice
Feeling: Depressingly bored

OMG, I've never thought that these words would cross my mind, but I am so fecking bored. Can you imagine having nothing to do from the moment you step into the office until you leave the office? No, I can't sleep and definitely cannot loiter around for the the fear of having politics to deal with...

The Cold War continues...

Pink - 1 Hitler - 1

Still at a draw. Haiyah, so boring.

Still waiting for other mags to reply. And that itself is mental torture. *think the Nazis and POWs* It's painful to sit and wait while people around me runs around in a flurry of activities. Seems and Sarah S told me to sit back and enjoy. It ws pretty enjoyable for the first few HOURS... after sitting pretty till the day ends, I feel useless. Man.. I think this is Hitler's guerilla tactic to get me to go.

So after 2 weeks of bumming, I am officially depressed. The moment I walk into the office, I feel like I want to run out, yes, RUN out. No shit. If not for the people (minus a few), I would have died. Of boredom. And lack of self esteem.

All I'm doing now is just blogging and chatting everyday. Don't envy me, I'm not being a bitch, try it for a week, you'll prolly last about 3 days. Sighs...




The birth of PinkPink

Please Feed Me~ I so Fwuffy

adopt your own virtual pet!

Men We Love

Listening to: Sandy Lam - Zhi Shao Hai You Ni
Feeling: Excited

Just a quick one before I sleep. Got back from Nuyou's 2005 Men We Love party at The Loft and it was spectacular. Had loads of fun by ourselves. Heheh.. It's one of those parties where you just go there for drinks and that's it, you don't care about anything else.

So drink, drink, drink. Everyone was merry. After they announced the winner for the event, we dashed for food. I was so fecking hungry because food was only reserved for VIPS. (gawd damnit, they could have just spared us some old soggy sandwiches) Was raining but we managed to get to one of those high class mamaks that charged me RM4.50 for nasi pattaya which totally tasted like crap. But still, food is still food. Oh well... telan only la!!!

Next we went next door to Tokyo Te. Had some really nice maki rolls there. Remind me to go there again when I have the cash. It's bout RM13 per dish. Pretty reasonable if you're a small eater. I would need to have about 2 plates before I feel satisfied. We had the place with the best view though.. It was abit embarrassing, but I just HAD to take some pictures... Check out the view of KLCC~

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Clear view of KLCC, fresh and clean after the earlier heavy downpour

Anywayz, pictures from G's birthday extravaganza is up, thanks Kst. Here's the link .

And oh, do try spotting the lovebirds, those who can find all 3 pairs wins nothing!!! *giggles*

Edit: Whoopz, did I say 3 pairs of lovebirds? My bad *giggles* I meant 2. *giggles*

Thursday, October 13, 2005


I've got this like a thousand times over the email but I still laugh everytime I read it. So, I'm gonna post this up here and read this whenever I need a fix.

Though I am not too sure if it really appeared on the labels but it is funny enough so here you go:

1. On a blanket from Taiwan -

2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -

3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -

4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -

5. On a New Zealand insect spray -

6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -

7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -

8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -

9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -

10. On a Sears hairdryer -

11. On a bag of Fritos -
shoplifter special!)

12. On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)

13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)

14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

15. On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)

17. On a Japanese food processor -

18. On Sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)

19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)

20. On a Swedish chainsaw -
of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

21. On a child's superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

22. On some frozen dinners -

23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box -

24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron -

25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine -

26. On Nightly sleep aid -

Tarot Reading

What's in for you today?

What's bugging you? Just ask!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

It's out of the bag

Listening to: Coco Lee - Secretly Loving You
Feeling: Sleepy

And so he found out about this blog and read everything I had thought about him.

First reaction was shock, then I laughed, and then panic again and everything mellowed down to relief. Maybe it was a good thing that he knows. Maybe, who knows that things will turn out to be just peachy, given some time. Who knows by knowing that he now knows how I feel, I'll feel better too?

Ah, who the hell knows...

So he tells me that he feels like a jerk after reading previous posts. I have to first clarify that I did not intend for him to sound like one. Most of the time I thought that he deserves it but then again, I am always angry when I blog about him.

Everything that I had written about him was from the point of view of an angsty girl who had too much time in her hands, thus thinking about everything in different angles. Thus the anger. So unnecessary.

The very moment that I realized what I had done, I immediately freak out and spent that whole evening just freaking out. Sought counsel from Gem, G and Nini immediately at Central Perk. (well, at least it was not Coffee Bean, where people sit discussing problems that could never be solved, watch Bewitched to understand)

Gem: It's a no-win situation.
Translation: You're dead meat

Nini: You should have a talk to him and work things out.
Translation: It's up to you to settle this. I have nothing to advice

G: *gape*
Translation: What the hell is wrong with you woman?

And that was it.

I think they're sick of me telling them things like that. Every time I bring this subject up, they look at me apprehensively. I mean, well, I would feel sick of myself too if I put myself in their shoes. 5 years of listening to someone pining over something that won't happen isn't exactly fun.

For that I totally love them. Supplying tissues and shoulders ain't fun. I know because I had been there. I love them to bits.

OK then, am moving on from this. Nic, there will be no more depressive posts. It'll all be sunshine and rainbows. I hope... *fingers crossed!!!*

I've really decided

That I should avoid, ignore and evade him till the time is right

Which means, whenever I think I can actually face him for real

The feeling is gone only to be replaced by a certain amount of self pity

Which is shitty

I hate self pity, it feels pathetic

OK, meaning I am not feeling self-pity. I'm just feeling pathetic.


In a moment of boredom...

Listening to: Utada Hikaru - About me
Feeling: Sleepy

I've decided.

Decided to flee from everything

Fly away free into the sky

With no suffering and no happiness

Just emptiness

But in the emptiness, I will soar

Not so clever after all

Eyer... Right after I patted myself on the back, the Tarot reading on the sidebar fucked on me. I've viewed it on the mac the night before and the alignment was OK. Sheesh.

Viewed it today and the whole profile, archive and links went down to the bottom of the page. So after much fixing and trying, I've decided to pull it out.

BUT, due to my stubborn nature I will tinker with it somemore and will try my very best to up it again. T-T

Penjual Ikan

Listening to: The Bee Gees - Lonely Days
Feeling: Melanchonic (did I spell that right?)

I feel like such a selfish whining bitch right now. Had a chat with Joe just now. She was surfing around and found this guy's blog. Apparently this guy passed away and people were leaving eulogies on his site. So me being the ke-poh asked Joe for the website so I can see what's the big hoo hah.

It looks like one of those normal looking blogs. A few pictures of him in clubs, with friends, things like that. The only thing that was different was the last two posts were eulogies from his friends to him, posted by a guest blogger.

Heck, my God. I can feel tears.

I don't even know this fella. The last post was by him, pretty optimistic and with pictures of his condition. (He had cancer BTW) Next thing you know, he's gone.

I don't know who he is, I don't know how he's nice to his friends. I don't know what happened but I feel a sudden connection to this guy

Rest in Peace, David Thong

My worries are just miniscule compared to what he had. And he had been so brave. To be able to blog about his illness, I think he is just amazing. Now every time something goes wrong, I should just say to myself,

'BOO-FREAKING-HOO. Too bad if your boss is a biatch. At least you're still alive. BOO-FREAKING-HOO if Homeboy decides get someone new. At least you're still alive.'

So much more time to experience and explore this long journey called life.


New addition to the blog

Listening to: The Bee Gees - Don't forget to remember
Feeling: Cold and rather clever

*pats self on back*

Feeling rather clever because I had just added a Tarot section in my sidebar. Got daily updates OK, don't play play...

Tarots, one of my obsessions. I still have my Raider Waite pack with me. It had been pretty accurate for whatever that I had asked, (until I got tired of interpreting it) and I think this site is pretty accurate as well.. Try it out and tell me what you think!

P/S: Scroll down to see the section. It's on the right side of the page.

Monday, October 10, 2005

The Waiting Game

Listening to: Random Chinese music from the computer
Feeling: Had been worst

Wait wait wait... I hate waiting

Like waiting for the water to boil when you're super hungry

Waiting for the bus when you know you're late for work

Waiting for your results at the end of the semester

Waiting for a friend to come out of the house when you're outside in the car

Waiting for a phone call from someone whom you want to hear from

Waiting in line in the traffic jam

Waiting for payday to come

Waiting for people to reply when you want to loan stuff from them

Now I can add to the list...

Waiting for a reply on your job

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Queen G's Big Day

Listening to: The Killers - All the things that I had done
Feeling: Like I need more than one coffee

Hail Queen G, for it is her birthday today. But sadly, she had to work today so no celebrations today. We were supposed to head towards PD for a night of boozing and sex. (JOKING!) Instead Gem planned a dinner for her yesterday.

We went to Fondue House in Hartamas and ordered everything that was on the menu. My god, it was an orgasmic experience. Took a ton of pictures but it is in Kst's camera. (Can't find the memory card for mine) Will load it up once Kst loads them into Multiply. Made loads of noise, as usual and proceeded to Friendster for beer and fun.

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Pwoarrrrrr.. We had 6 jugs of beer between 9 of us.

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Gem and HamHam going strong

The results were disastrous.

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Gem surrendering to the alcohol

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Me surrendering to the alcohol as well

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Sissy died from alcohol OD

Well, because of Sissy, me and G decided to...

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Draw a mole on him

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Sexually molest him

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All together now

But then we had to stop because he woke up.

But when the clock struck 12, we got the staff at Friendster to bring the cake out and we made hellloadofnoise, as usual, singing the birthday song for G...

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Kisses for the birthday girl

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Squished into an oblong shaped picture

It was a mega tiring day but all in all fun. Nearly went to Genting, I really wanted to but HamHam, KatKat, G and Gem had to work the next day. Maybe another time!

Happy Birthday again G!!!!

New! Yeah!

Postdated entry

Listening to: Norah Jones - Those sweet words
Feeling: Bored as hell

It was exactly a week ago when I decided a change was in order. So I tagged along with G to her Uncle's for a haircut, whatever. I just want to look different. The initial plan was just to get a trim...

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This is me with old hair

Throughout the drive there, I mulled over the option of getting a perm. I had thought of getting a perm before I chopped off my hair and now, this is my chance. I felt adventurous and pissed off at the world at that time. Perm it was. Here's the result...

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Curly as hell. But I like it loads!

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I thinks *giggles* I kinda look like a doll with this hair

It was such a big change and everyone was like super shocked. Usual reactions are OMGs, OMFGs, you know, things along that line..

I wanted to take a picture of everybody's reaction and post it here. More of that later!

Saturday, October 08, 2005


Listening to: Fish Leong - Rainbow
Feeling: Sleepy and it is raining now

First, let me introduce you to Nicholas. He had been my closest buddy (he used to sit next to me) all through the trying years of high school and had been listening to me rant and rave throughout those hormone raged years

And so he reads my blog, and had been commenting that I am getting too depressed for my own good. So one fine day last week, he had decided that it was enough.

We had a long talk over dinner and he was kind enough to pay for dinner AND listen to me bitch about everything. *hearts*

Guess some things never change.

Thank you Nic. You're forever my next door/seat savior!

Friday, October 07, 2005

I don't wanna know

Listening to: James Blunt - You're Beautiful
Feeling: The Blues (I know I shouldn't!! I Know, but I can't help it)

Flashback mode

A sudden sound interrupted my peaceful (not) search for images on Corbis. Flipped open my phone to see a message from SD6.

"What now?" it was involuntary but it escaped from my mouth.

'Bodo, just got back. Still at work? Hehe'

"What the fuck? What the fuck you want from me now? I don't want to fucking talk to you anymore. Because I know everytime you call me or message me, it would only mean something bad is about to happen to me" that was also involuntary. So much anger. So much bitterness.

"Yeah. Still at work, why you back?" was sent with a slight smirk.

So ladida-ladida.. mindless conversation that didn't mean anything but progressed because it was necessary ensued. 'Necessary' meaning 'layan'. And 'layan' I did.

I knew something was coming. After a while I just said that I needed to go because I had to leave the office already. And so...

'Ok then, drive safe. And... erm, I've got together with The other girl. Don't laugh.'

For a moment, it was a blank. And then there was a ringing sound in my ears and I dropped my phone on the desk. I mean, thanks alot mother fucker but that I really do NOT need on a bright sunshiny Tuesday. Fuck, fuck, fuck. That was all I could think of because I was in a state of shock, sadness and whatever that feels bad.

At that point... I thought, man.. I really don't want to know. Because what I know makes me feel crap. And so I hastily sent G a message on MSN (I was actually chatting with her at that point of time) saying that I need to go and he had sent me a message like that.

TOG. The Other Girl.

Man, what did I do in my past life to deserve this. I ran to my car, ran thinking that I should just crash into something and die. That would be less painful.

The drive home reminded me of the time he had to leave for Elsewhere. Tears blurring my sight. And it was raining. And on the radio it was playing Fish Leong's Ke She Bu Shi Ni. 'It's a pity that it wasn't you who will be with me till the end'. Great. I really needed that to remind myself of my miseries.

I know that I shouldn't have but I did cry. I hate admitting that I have yet again cried for him but then it just happened. I can't control it. Nicholas, you were right. I know you were right, but then again, things like feelings couldn't be controlled like that. I just want to take things in my own pace.

Just let me be.

I don't want to know too...

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

A fishy affair

Post dated entry...

Listening to: Fish Leong - Ke She Bu Shi Ni
Feeling: Blah-Blah-Blah

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So Saturday came and went... The Fish concert was... SPECTACULAR!!!

Well.. Maybe I was just being biased cause I like her loads and stuff but then she was really good. The costumes, songs (though I felt a bit disappointed that they didn't play a few songs I heart but then it was still good), the dance routines..

I teared throughout because it feels damn overwhelming wei..There is this 'Gosh, damn amazing right? feeling. Fish's from Malaysia so she told the audience how hard it was to break into the Malaysian market, how she misses her family and stuff like that. And then in the end, for encore, she sang her late father's favorite song and they showed her mom and she was crying and I was crying and Sarah N was crying and Kst was crying.. SOOO CHAMMM

The concert was fab but getting there, parking and security was not. Me and G left at about 6 o'clock so that we could get a good parking. The drive from my place to Bukit Jalil stadium would usually take about say.. 45 minutes tops? But unknown to us, there was a football match going on in the next stadium. It was Selangor VS Perlis and ohmygoditwassofreakingjammeditwasnotfunnyatall.

Me and G got stuck till 8pm. (On the upside, we saw some cute policemen!! Skanky we are!!!). Sarah N, Kst, Arihito and Gem got there about 6ish and waited for us until then. I kinda freaked out because 4 of the tickets were with me and if I'm late that would mean that all of them will have to get in late as well. So in the end, after driving slower than a tortoise, we reached the carpark entrance. Can you imagine the horror when I saw the entrance closed? In the end, I drove on and left my car beside the highway and made a dash for the stadium. (Fish commented, at the end of the concert that it someone told her that there were a lot of cars outside because there was no more parking in the carparks. Then she said that it was touching that we had just dumped our cars beside the road just to watch her concert. She's so sweet!!!)

The security. My god, they were good. In fact, they were too good. I know it was partly my fault for ignoring the warning of no pictures but then I just HAD to take a picture of Fish to post it here so I took a quick snap of her performing. And the next second, I got caught by one of the guards. Fine I was willing to send my phone to the safe but then the guard did not need to be so mean to me. Bloody.. What the hell man... He was talking to me rather rudely.

Oh well.. I missed one of favorite songs, Ting Bu Dao, so I was fairly pissed. Apart from that unfortunate event, everything went well.. it was an emotional affair but it was good. Bought her new CD at the venue and it rocks like mad. God, it's so good. Will rant on later.

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Picture of the stage before the concert started

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Anticipation sucks

Listening to: Random music from colleague's computer
Feeling: Frustration and sleepiness and restlessness, all in the same time. Is that possible?

So I was anticipating The Call from The Editor on Friday. I had a neck creak from turning too much, looking at my screen and then looking at my phone. I hate waiting for calls when it comes to things like these. Deep in your heart, you know something is wrong. I felt that on Friday, and maybe because of that I was afraid to call The Editor.

So I thought to myself that I should wait till Monday. Partly because I didn't want to hear bad news that day and spoil my weekend and partly because I was afraid (in a way) to call her. And so I finally gathered enough courage to press 'Call' (after fingers on that button for about ten minutes).

Like how I thought it would be, she said that they only need someone later next month. So after a few hours of neck exercise I am disappointed once again. I hate the feeling of waiting, wether it is me waiting for other people or people waiting for me. Oh well... Another wait for nothing.

Cancel that thought!

Feeling: Freaked out

Don't mind the previous post. It was typed out of anger. I do mean some of the things said there, like I wanna be left alone for a while till I sort out my work problems. Till then..


There is this confusion inside of me, thinking

"Should I or should I not continue going out with them?"

The reason is that I cannot stand the pettiness, the nastiness hidden behind sweet smiles, the gossips (and I admit that I had contributed my share and listened to enough), the politics, the hypocrisy (which I think I have a big part to play) and heart sickness that we have amongst each other.

Fine, we do share great times together, but most of the time we bitch about each other. I tell myself that it is just constructive critism but deep down inside, I know the intentions are evil.. We bitch about each other.

Maybe it is an open secret, I bitch about you, you bitch about me, she bitches about both of us, who freaking knows? But it is a fact that we do talk about each other.

Recently, I have loads of problems in the office. I also have a few BGR (boy-girl-relationship) problems and to top it all off, I have money problems (talk about having an all rounder man). At times like these, I wanted to be alone actually. All I want to do was to go home and cry but then one or another would want to confide in me, or talk to me depending on what day it is.

Me being me, I cannot turn down invitations to go out, went out with her/him/them. And I will get pissed in the process. It might be just a small thing, like maybe someone can't decide on what to eat and this person is holding up the whole table's orders I'll get pissed. If someone needs a ride and tells me last minute and talking to me as though accusing me of not picking him/her out, I'd get pissed. If someone talks in a sarky way to me, I'd get MEGA pissed. If someone flies my kite on picking someone who lives real far last minute and expecting me to pick this person up, I'd leave early.

Maybe it is me. Wait a min.. It IS me!!! It's all about me-me-me now (sorry Gem, stole your line). That is why I rather not go out nowadays. I am in my 'I'm so kelian' stage where I want to crawl under my comforters and sleep till 8 the next morning... I don't want people to comfort or pity me because I feel crap after pity sessions.

Edit: I want to be left alone. I want to think things through. I want to get more sleep. I want to de-stress. I need to find myself once more...

P/S: This is not a call to leave me alone. Just something to tell friends that I am sorry but I might not be able to join you guys as often because I am sick and tired of everything, at the moment. You should understand that if I am missing from drinks, it is because I am trying to contain myself. I hate to suddenly burst out and start shouting at people.