Sunday, October 23, 2005

It's finally over...

Listening to: Third Eye Blind - Deep inside of you
Feeling: Nearly Contented

It is windy and the trees were swaying, leaning whichever way the wind blows. And I sat down on the sandy ground of the park, resting my tired back on the cold metal bar on the strange exercise thingy housing developers built out of scrap metal bluffing health conscious residents into thinking that it actually really works.

I started talking. About everything. Summarized 4 months worth of problems into a simple, easy to understand 20 minutes worth of frustrated ranting. He listened, occasionally giving that nod and grunt to show he understands what I was trying to say. I bitched on, giving him the lowdown on Arihito and the rest of the group and finally, about my own.

Then I remembered why I chose him to be my confidante. Because he was always willing to listen to whatever that I have to say. He never questions why I did certain things, always understanding and offering support unconditionally. That's why I loved him. I finished my tirade when the rain finally came. A fine drizzled settled over the grass and he asked if I would like to continue in his house.

I thought and remembered that he is now with someone else and that someone else might not be as unforgiving and shook my head. "Maybe another time," I said, knowing that it would be a full month at least before I could see him and turned towards my car. The wind was cold and I could feel it. At least I felt it.

That 30 steps towards my car felt as though it took 30 minutes.

"It's raining, so drive carefully."


"Good night then."

Good night...

"....Hey... Take it easy."

"Yea... thanks."

And I drove off. I realized that I was over him. I realized throughout the half an hour, I did not once look at his face.

There is no more tears, no more love, no more feelings.

And I am grasping at the shreds that was once our friendship, hoping it could be mended.

The wiper went to and fro swiping rain off the windscreen, why can't we just erase certain things off as easily?

Outside, the wind started chasing leaves off the road and sending them into a dance. Things will be better soon. The healing has started.

No comments: