Friday, May 30, 2008

A moment of Realization

Listening to: Sarah McLachlan - Stupid
Feeling: Stupid

I suspect me not being able to sleep is linked to the fact that I am stupid and lonely.

I should get a life.

And stop thinking 2 hours before 12am.

5 Years of Pain

Listening to: Sarah McLachlan - I will remember you
Feeling: Melancholic?

I am on a blog roll today. 3 posts a day? It used to be 3 posts a month. OK to be honest I am just procrastinating from doing my freelance work.

So listen to me rant while I wait for my crimson wave to hit me.

It has been 5 years since I had started blogging. I realized that I am not a regular blogger. I have a regular job, so sue me.

When I was thinking about why I started blogging, I remembered. It was painful but I remembered.

It's sad but the pain was still there.

You went away. And Carebear Joe suggested I should start blogging. You know... to take my mind off things.
It was a time of troubles as well. My job wasn't going too well and all I could do was shut myself in the tiny toilet of the office with tears wetting my ugly black slacks and equally ugly pair of black court shoes to sms you about the painful death I wish my boss would die of.

You often replied to say that you would come back and stick nails into her tyres. It always made me smile. I never had to wonder what time it was then at your side. I knew down pat what time it was.

That was the 3rd year. And after the first time I confessed to you. Looking back, IT'S SO STUPID OF ME to continue liking you. It was obvious that it won't work out. I cried through your first girlfriend while listening to Celine Dion's All By Myself. I buried myself under the pillows when you tried calling back after I confessed over sms. I cried when you told me you're leaving for a year and a half and you might not come back. I never thought human could cry as much.

I remembered a month before you left. You were wonderful to me. You asked me out for drinks all the time and sent me encouraging smses. Little did I know it was actually you feeling bad for me. I cried everyday. I listen to damn Celine Dion and I cry. I drive for meetings and on the bloody radio was M2M's Pretty Boy, I bawl again. I cried every chance I had. So damn stupid. My eyes were so bloodshot clients must have thought that I was taking drugs.

The day before you left, we were just chatting on the field near your house and as we stood up to leave, you asked for a hug. It was uncomfortable because my heart was beating so fast the ground was trembling. We walked towards my car and you said 'one last hug'. I wanted to run to my car and flood the damn interior because I felt so sad. Was that love? Or was it pity? I remembered I was the one who pushed him away first. And valiantly said goodbye with a smile on my face. Next thing I remembered was driving back home with the rain pouring inside the car.

It had happened so long ago but yet it stays fresh within my memory. All in all, I was in sweet agony for five years. I thought you really was the one for me. Too bad you didn't think I was the one for you. When I saw you recently, I thought how did I ever like this person? I couldn't remember. Even now I couldn't remember why...

Guess I had only truly liked someone with such passion 3 times in my life. After my third rejection, how could I truly trust my own heart?

Love is... Patience

Listening to: Mika Nakashima - Find the way
Feeling: A little bewildered

"You don't know this but a few months before we broke up, me and Z my bestfriend were looking at engagement rings. I really wanted to marry N"

I sat there stunned. After all, N has bitched to no end about this guy, X. X was a bad person, X speaks to me with no respect. X doesn't have time to spend with me. X had another girl before he broke up with me.

X also had his fair share of bitchings and rantings. N is selfish. N is egoistical. I had tried so hard to change N. N is possessive.

I was stunned.

It is shitty to know this now when both parties has embarked onto yet another relationship. N received a diamond ring from current beau and seem happy. X is seeing someone else and seems happy as well.

But looking back, if they had been a little more patience they might have been happily married. There are times when knowing too much is sad. This is one of those moments.

Looking at it this way, its odd that sometimes chances flit between your fingers and impatiently you swat it away thinking its an annoying fly. And that chance might just never come back to you ever again.

It is not in my position to say anything about this situation, but one can't help but wonder... What if at that one moment someone backed down and said sorry. The ending might have been so much more different.

But it is too late now...

Pain is...

Listening to: The Gorrilaz - Clint Eastwood
Feeling: A little sad

And I have a confession to make... It has been on my mind for the longest time and I had wondered for the longest time if I should blog about it because it seems so petty written... Well so here it goes...

I have, well I'm thinking more like I HAD a friend who I'm kinda alright with. I won't say we were really close but I had good times with him. We used to chat a lot online. We used to go out for drinks and have good conversations... I like him alot, temper and all. He's an artist and he's got artist behavior... You know, the usual mood swings and stuff. I guess we were good friends.

We went to Genting together for Coffee Bean, we went to KL for geek trips and discussed anime. We had similarities in music and movies. It was cool.

He started dating a friend of mine and everything was still cool. Hiccups here and there but still alright. We still talk, a little less than before but we still talk about silly things. Initially, it was just 10% less than what we usually do. Then it was 50%... suddenly, out of the blue, we just don't talk anymore.

We still go out for drinks, even if he sits in front of me he would talk to everyone else except for me. He would laugh at other people's jokes and look away when I talk. At first, I thought it's just me imagining stuff... But after almost a year of this looking away and ignoring I am questioning why.

Like I say, I have thought about it for the longest time and wondered if it's just me being sensitive but when people start ignoring your questions for the 10339303rd time, it's time to sit up and take notice.

It's a childish, 'Why you don't friend me' question but it's bothering me. What happened between us? There was no fall outs or anything. We didn't fight. We didn't disagree on something. It just happened. And it is bothering me because I care enough about this person to waste my time caring about this.

It is painful when someone you genuinely care about and like ignores you like that. I wonder what happened...

Chotto sabishii ne...

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Amazing Things

Listening to: Clazziquai - Gentle Giant
Feeling: Excited about work

It has been an exciting weekend. My first article was published. Drove up and down Genting alone. Went to Tamarind Springs for the first time with my bunch of amazing friends for me and Gem's surprise birthday dinner (well, the location was a surprise). Discovered most of my 'missing' jewelry and accessories. Got signed up for a cupcake decorating class next month courtesy of Drama as a bday pressie *hearts!!* Was present at a mummy-to-be heart-to-heart (No, the mommy is not me) Turning 26 tomorrow.

It's amazing that so many good things can happen in two short days. Will blog about it when I get the pictures.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The adventures of Lumewa, Nicgold, Cornie & Jasaiguar

Listening to: Clazziquai - I will give you everything
Feeling: Bored at home

It's Thursday and I'm home! I'm like thinking if I should start doing my freelance work and decided to blog about Melaka instead.

Yes, we were in Melaka and it was bloody hot. This trip was a girl's trip so the old gang got together and checked into Aldy Hotel for some nostalgic reminiscing of the good ol' days. Ahh but there is never a trip without drama but that's obviously another story...

Frog-chan to Giraffe-chan ikimashyou!

As usual, we took the old route of stopping by Seremban for the usual Hakka noodles and beef noodles while stocking up on coffee. I only had like 3 hours of sleep prior to hopping onto Connie's car. And of course being a new car, it was a non-smoking car! AHHHHH!!!!

We reached Melaka and headed to the hotel immediately. The room was still not ready so we went down to the lounge for a drink or two. I ordered the Banana Milkshake that was the bomb. I wanted another one!

View from our room. Not too bad for something that was kinda within our budget (i.e. CHEAP!)

Wonderful Milkshake!

After we freshened up in our rooms, Gem's colleague who's from Melaka brought us to this fantastic satay place where we had lunch. The sauce had pineapples in it! Unfortunately we were so hungry I did not even think of snapping a few pictures... But I'll gladly go back there for a repeat performance!

After a fulfilling late lunch, we parted way
s with Gem's colleague and decided to look for this Peranakan Museum Seems told us about. Found it as it's just behind Jonker Street and parking was fairly easy to get. I love, love, love the architecture. I swear, with all this technology we are getting stupid. The house has got an air well to light up the living room and to encourage air-flow? Genius..

This is the Peranakan Museum. Worth every single sen of that RM8 we paid.

sky was so damn blue when we were there in Melaka. Compared to the crappy hazy weather in KL, it was a blessing! BUT, because it was cloudless, we had to endure the sun. I prefer that to haze, so bring it on!

Blue skies all the way!

We walked and walked and walked. Shopped a little but ate loads and loads of roadside food. It was actually a miracle that we managed to walk somemore still...

Nicgold aka Sarah N cam-whoring beside Nini's new car!

Didn't do much after that because we were just too tired. And because my camera's battery died, I had to rely on Nicgold for pictures and she has yet to upload them.

I bought a kawaii Frog and from now on will be called F-chan...

F-chan enjoys sightseeing from the car...

F-chan's day out...

What you looking at? F-chan checks out mysterious biker

Just being silly

At the end, we were just super tired. Have some other pictures with Nicgold so will post more up as and when I get it from them!

Long walk home...

Random LOL moment at 6.30 in the morning on a working day.

Listening to: Clazziquai - Last Tango
Feeling: Like I've not done anything today.. =.=


I've only slept at 6.30am this morning because of Nagase -kun...

Look at thi
s ...

I think I couldn't stop laughing... Tomoya-chan, I hope you got loads of money for that...
*sniff* As much as I love Tomoya-chan.. the hat is just not too hot. But thanks to him, I was able to stay awake to finish my work! Love him~


Thursday, May 15, 2008

Living like a princess

Listening to: Piped music
Feeling: High class

And so my spa review got pushed to tomorrow and I am here with nothing to do till tomorrow. I'm just waiting for my Mukodono to finish loading and I'm gonna run back to my comfy room and just chill there till dinner!

Mandarin Oriental is officially effing coolass. The King and Queen of Jordan is in the house... Room's got a nice view. They have Asprey bath range in the room. And uber comfy king sized bed! Can live like this forever can or not? Only poo-poo is that I can't connect my mac laptop in the room. Boo!

I'm in the Club Lounge now (they serve coffee and scones for tea with wifi access and CAN smoke!) waiting and waiting. Lucky brought my laptop if not I'll be stuck with nothing to do!

This week is turning out to be mighty fine!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


Listening to: Kelly Clarkson - The Trouble With Love Is
Feeling: I should be doing my work or sleeping...

Just got back from a drink with Fun and Jye and something weird happened. Everything was fine and dandy and suddenly rain started falling. And a gust of wind and all of a sudden we could smell this horrible hazy smell.

It's so odd. Even though the weather was erratic but this is just plain weird.

Last Monday, I was in Jarred & Rawlins in Bukit Damansara with Zoe and Sums for lunch and we felt a tremor. Like someone heavy walking pass. And I thought, ah must be the construction next door but Zoe grabbed my arm and said, 'OMFG, did you feel that? That's an earthquake!" and freaked out.

OK, we're in PJ? And uhm.. chances of experiencing an earthquake is like, maybe NIL?

"No, Fa I swear, I felt an earthquake before and that was it. That swaying feeling."

Well, I have to admit that we were seated on solid ground and the swaying was not exactly like anything else I've ever felt before. I had to agree with Zoe that it might be an earthquake. We went back to our offices and tried checking online to see if anyone else felt that but no one else did. Fushigi ne?

With these horrible disasters happening all around the world, Myanmar and China being hit with terrible catastrophe, I couldn't help but wonder if it's God's way of saying, 'Shut the fuck up and enjoy what you still have because it's gonna be the end of the world soon.'

Really scary thought but, who knows?

Shou ga nai.. We're so selfish. Thinking that we can conquer earth must be the stupidest mistake we've ever made since the philosophers think they can decipher what the stars meant.

Do your part. Know that you're only renting this space on earth from God. One day, your leasehold contract with God will end and you're outta here. You don't own anything.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Jdrama Addiction

Listening to: Texas - Say what you want
Feeling: Like I need a drink

I had nothing much to do over the weekend so I decided to trawl (obviously the best thing ever since sliced bread and a/c). Finished watching Sayonara Zentsubo Sensei and had nothing else to watch, except for some dramas I had bookmarked from before.

Random clicking happened and by chance, just by chance, I came upon 'My Boss, My Hero'. Haiyo... so damn corny I thought but what the hey... the synopsis was pretty cute, (yakuza tough guy forced to go to high school... hrmm OK) so clicked on the first episode and did not look back... I mean... COMEON!!!


My Boss My Hero
My Boss, My Hero

This guy, I swear to God. Is evil. He charmed me at first frame!

Anyone this insanely good looking should be locked away and sent to me. I will educate them

Mr Nagase Tomoya is my latest obsession.

He's the lead singer for TOKIO. He used to be a backup dancer for some hot group as well. And he acts really well. Ugh... and oh so pretty! Why am I not born in Japan? AND on top of all that... He used to date Ayumi Hamasaki. Got dumped though.. Boy, he can sure come and cry on MY shoulder. Le sigh...

Look at this!!!

God is so unfair sometimes. Ayumi must had been acting on a moment of craziness to dump this SNAG!

And yeah, so that's my new obsession at the moment. Bear with me until this phase ends. And now I'm off to watch more Mukodono!

It was a fantastic trip

Listening to: Justin Timberlake - Sexyback
Feeling: Bloody sleepy

I know, I know... I am supposed to update.

Over the past two weeks, I was on a jet plane to Penang and back. Drove on the fast lane (obviously it wasn't me who was driving) to Melaka for some history lessons. Expanded my frog collection. (I think I have this secret fetish for frogs) Walked in to work by 9.30am THREE times! (Like, OHMYGAWD!) Learned a whole new programme for publishing. Interviewed a group of three amazing and inspirational people. Watched 2 whole Japanese drama series over the weekend. Bought my second set of wheels. Finished a few freelance jobs. Got asked to do a few more. Work got fantastic thumbs up from clients. Turned 27 the Chinese way.

Yeah, what a great month.

Will expand and explain the next post. It's already 4am.


Thursday, May 01, 2008

High Flying?

Listening to: Coco Lee - Secretly Loving You
Feeling: Wow-ed

Today I had my first private jet ride. Think Paris Hilton, Donald Trump and Cinderella all in one. Yeah, that's how I felt. More on that later...