Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Jack of all trades and master of none

Listening to: The Bee Gees - Massachusetts
Feeling: Confusion

Sometimes I wonder if I'm what people call 'phun thong sui' literally translated as half a bucket of water. This term is usually applied to people who learn things halfway and abandon them for something new.

Like how I'm constantly reminded by my mom that I had wasted nine years worth of classical ballet training on whim. 'Phun Thong Sui' she would say. Wasted my money and time we had to spend sending you to ballet classes. Sigh... *I've always wondered why my brother who had spent nine years studying the guitar had never gotten the same talk. They had stopped guitar too*

So yeah. Recently Sarah S had asked me if I wanted to try out something that I really want to do but have no experience in. I had been doing fashion and home decor but not this one thing that she had asked me to try out. Thing is that I am just picking up on what I am doing and apparently I am doing pretty well. I say apparently because I really have no confidence in myself whatsoever. I have to admit that whenever people tell me that I'm good, I usually think they are just being nice or they are just trying to console me.

It's bad I know. What's left of my self esteem is at an all time low.

So back to my predicament...

The two people that I confided in told me to go for it. I know I should but all I can think of is the problems I might face. What if I can't live up to their expectations? What if Sarah S sees my work and is disappointed in me? After all, she told me she's got faith in me. Problem is that I don't have faith in myself. I can imagine myself failing and going back to my old self. 'Phun thung sui' I can even hear my mom saying that.

What if I can't cope with the workload?

What if I can't meet deadlines?

What if they feel like they've made a horrible mistake?

What if I can't live up to their expectations?

What if they don't like me?

Man... I am like super confused now. But I guess I'll try. After all, this is what I really, really want to do.

I wish someone could actually tell me how I am doing... that someone could let me know on a scale of one to ten, one being really good and ten being really bad, how good I am in what I do. Guess that'll happen come assessment day.


Friday, November 17, 2006


Listening to: M-Flo - One Sugar Dream
Feeling: Bummed!

I went for the Nokia L'Amour launch swearing to God only winning a phone would put my life right...

It was raining as usual and KL was pretty jammed. Mind you my car was still wrecked and kinda ugly. It looks as though it might just fall apart if I go over any more bumps. Halfway towards KL there was this odd grinding sound coming from the passenger side. I thought it was prolly just my tires against the smashed side. So I let it be...

So then I stopped in front another traffic light when a pedestrian started waving at me and started gesturing at my tires. Immediately I freaked cause I thought my tires were punctured. I wound down the window and checked but she was gesturing the other side. I couldn't see anything so drove towards the venue of the event and got down the car to check.

Turned out that one of my signal lights were dragging on the floor. There I was, squatting in the dark, in front of KL's most happening area with my car parked illegally trying to stick my bloody signal lights back into its hole. Pretty funny sight I must say... I would laugh at me if I saw myself doing what I was doing...

Anyways, back to the bloody launch. I wanted the damn phone so god damned much. See, since I had to pay off the car damages, my hopes on using my bonus on a phone is fucking dashed. So what would I do? Hope and pray that Nokia would be kind and give out phones...

Unfortch... they did not.

Not even a fucking lucky draw. They had a best dressed contest that they didn't even mention in the effing invite. Wow... guess who won best dressed? Definitely not me, who was still in whatever I wore in the morning, the one I was shooting in and smoked a thousand ciggies in. I smelt and looked like shiat...

Just for records, I love this phone... 3G and best of all, it's PINK. Fucking PINK in colour and damn fucking cute! I want it!

Nokia 7390 daisuki!!!

Nokia 7390 hoshiiii

Christmas is coming soon... Anyone interested in donating towards my new phone? If not, I have to wait for next year... Sadness!!!

Do you believe in luck?

Listening to: Sandy Lam - Zhi Shao Hai You Ni
Feeling: Excited

I do. Not because I tahyul or anything like that but because it has proven itself again and again.

Only last month mom went to Ipoh for a short trip. While they were there, uncle wanted to visit this temple that was apparently very good (or something). Since they were there, mom decided to ask the gods about our home, dad and me.

Mom is not exactly the staunch Buddhist/Taoist but the first thing that came out from Tai Seng Yeh's mouth shocked her. (Tai Seng Yeh is the legendary Monkey God in 'Journey to the West'. Although he was a work of fiction, there are still people worshipping him like a god) He asked why mom have so many 'cards' placed on our altar. Initially mom wondered what sort of cards we have around the altar and asked 'Tai Seng Yeh' what sort of cards as she didn't remember having placed any cards around the altar.

'Tai Seng Yeh' said "The ones you took from the temples. Those that haven't been hoi kong' yet. ('Hoi Kong' literally means 'open light'. It means something like blessing or inviting the gods to the object, and it is usually for statues of gods or prayer beads)

Mom was shocked because we do have cards depicting gods around our altar. And yes, she did take them from the temple. She was asked to take them down. I guess from that moment she had already made up her mind that this 'sifu' was very 'leng' or miraculous.

When mom asked about me, Tai Seng Yeh told mom that I have a nice smile and had always been smiling... to my friends. He said that I only smile to my friends and not to my family. Bingo... another one that hit right on the spot. This was getting kind of freaky because it was all right on the spot. Next he predicted that I will be involved in an accident which will cost me a fortune. This accident will also involve the rear end. Mom interpreted it as a car accident where someone will bang me from behind and asked me to be careful...

You know the freaky thing is.. I got involved in an accident today. A very stupid one because I banged a parked car. My colleague's car by the way, which was way shittier than wrecking a stranger's car.

I was trying to park (side parking) beside his car because I wanted to unload my products as I had a shoot today. Since I had a lot to unload I decided to park there because it's nearer to the entrance. To cut a long story short, I pressed the accelerator instead of the breaks. I couldn't believe I did such a stupid thing like that.

I had been driving for four years and I had never pressed the accelerator instead of the breaks and vice-versa. How could I have done such a thing? Actually at that split second I thought there was a ghost pressing my feet against the pedals. Sigh...

I ran out of my car to check on my colleague's car. Only a few scratches and a broken number plate. So I quickly unloaded my items and removed my car as that space is not mine. As I drove I heard this rattling sound. I looked at my bonnet on my left and saw it bulging up... SHIT. Quickly parked my car again and checked the left side. Only then I realized that the whole left part was dented in. Pretty badly too...

Guess shit happens and it did happen and it will cost me a bloody fortune. My colleague just called me and told me the cost to fix his car was about RM600. WHAT? For that few scratches? Apparently the inside of bumper was all screwed up and had to be fixed. On top of all that, he wanted it to be fixed in the Proton Service Centre and everyone knows fixing it there is more expensive than doing it in the workshops. Since his car is new, he wants it to be fixed in the Proton Centre. His car is a brand new Gen-2. About 3 months old? Felt damn bad for him.

Yes, like I've said, I do believe in luck and I believe that my luck for the whole year had been used up. Now I am fucking broke. My car is pretty badly banged up too, I think that would be about RM600 to fix. It's insurance month in a few weeks time and on top of all that, I still owe my mom money. Wow... Guess I am running on negative... again. Sigh

Just my luck.

All donations are welcomed. Contact me at for account number *cries*

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Full Metal Alchemist Chibi Party

Listening to: Aki Chiyoko - Onore Michi
Feeling: Tired but can't sleep

This has to be the cutest, ever, chibi version of an anime... EVERRRRR

Exclusively for those who had watched FMA the whole series and also Conquerers of Shambala. Won't make much sense if you've not.

But still, watch it for the cuteness if you wanna....


Wednesday, November 15, 2006

"Go trip on your power!"

Listening to: Howie Day - Collide
Feeling: Kinda pissed off and tired

I've just gotten back home from a full day of running around; from central KL to KLCC to MidValley to Bangsar to One Utama. I have a shoot tomorrow and I am stressed out and tired.

Working in a magazine is a funny thing. You are at the mercy of your boss in the office. During events and media trips, we(the media) are treated like demi gods. (In a way laaaa) When you're out loaning... you're at the mercy of the shop salesperson. We are generally nice to the sales people and they are usually nice to us, though some might need some warming up to. I have to be honest here; fake or not, it makes my job MUUUCHHH more easier.

I've gotten my fair share of shitty sales peeps but oh well I guess everyone's got their bad days. I would usually stay civil and be polite. After all, I am coming back to their shops to return and collect more stuff in the future anyway...

So today was just another boring collection day driving from one place to the other... Until my last stop. I was supposed to get some items from a well known departmental store. Collecting from a departmental store is totally different from the usual collections. I have to get a pass from the security guard. Usually not a big thing but today, the lady in charge was in a foul mood.

Security Guard Lady: Kenapa you datang dari depan? Lain kali you datang dari belakangla
Why did you come from the front? Next time come in from the back (She meant the docking bay

Me: Tapi saya selalu datang dari depan. Saya bukan supplier.
But I've always came in from the front from the store front. I am not a supplier

SGL: Ini beg besar. Apa dalam beg itu? Lain kali jangan bawa beg besar-besar, bawa yang kecil punya
This bag is big. What's in the bag? Next time don't bring such a big bag. Bring something smaller

Me: *Feeling temperature rising* Saya darimagazine dan saya datang untuk pinjam barang untuk shoot. Saya bukan supplier. Kalau saya nak masuk dari depan, saya masuk dari depan. Kalau saya nak bawa beg besar, saya boleh bawa beg besar. (snatching my pass and walking away)
I'm from a magazine and I'm here to loan some products for a shoot. I am not a supplier. If I wanted to come in from the front, I come in from the front and if I want to bring a big bag, I will bring a big bag.

OhHhHhHh, I was damn pissed off!!!!! I was nice to her when I asked for the pass but why was she being such a bitch and started scolding me? Before I can even explain that I am not a bloody supplier therefore I do not need to come in from the docking bay, she had already assumed that I was one.

Ex-Hitler once told me that people with the least power loves exercising what little power they have because it makes them feel powerful. As I was going around collecting the items that I wanted, I felt bad for the lady and was actually feeling bad for blowing up at the lady.

She was riding on her power...

And I tripped on mine... Guess we're even then.

P/S: She was polite to me as I was returning the pass to her because one of the guys who were helping me with the paperwork actually went over and told her off as I went back into the office and told the guy about the incident. I have to admit I was being kinda bitchy... Erk.. that guy didn't deserve it... Now I feel bad x2. :(

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


Listening to: Tommy February6 - Lonely in Gorgeous
Feeling: Sleepy

Finally I've succumbed to Blogger's demands and decided to switch to their beta version.

I prefer the old version's layout and hope that there won't be any problems with the switch on my Mac. I don't like the underlined hyperlinks.

I know I'm anal, so?

Monday, November 13, 2006


Why do nice guys always turn out to be assholes?

Friday, November 03, 2006

Impending Hiatus

Listening to: Kudo Shizuka - Blue Velvet
Feeling: Sleepy ^%$&*(%^

Just got out from a meeting that made me realize how much shit work that I have to do within the next three months. You guys out there please promise me that you'll buy an issue of Her World December onwards up till March and if you like Her World, continue buying it if you like it because it's my blood, sweat and tears.

SNIFF! This also means that I might have to take a hiatus from blogging. Of course will still update occasionally or when I am just too fucked up to do my work.

From now on it's gonna be work, mahjong and Fatal Frame only. I wanna cry!

P/S: I'm now at the final battle for Fatal Frame III and OMFG it's so bloody frustrating trying to dodge her and run around and snap her picture and at the same time trying to get a fatal frame shot!


Anger! Tomorrow gonna try again!

Back to works... Sigh

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Funny Things Happen to Me

Listening to: Ashlee Simpson featuring Missy E - L.O.V.E
Feeling: Damn SLEEPY!

Was in Starfucks that day updating my blog (I am still in the midst of typing out my Sabah trip post!) and while I when I was standing in line waiting for my Hazelnut Hawt Chocolate to be done, the guy who was sorting out some magazine by my side suddenly asked me...

"So, where are you from?"

I was like, what? Are you picking me up in Starfucks? *silent giggle*

"Which Starbucks outlet are you from?"

I was like HUH? AND THEN IT HIT ME.... I was wearing this...

Me and Nisha, taken in KK

My cute "Starfucks for free" tee that Mabs got me for my birthday!!!

I looked at him, pulled my tee down so he can see the 'Starfucks' and he laughed and said good one!

At least three baristas asked me where I got my tee in that short 3 hours I was there. Looks like if I wear this more often, I might just get free lattes!

And I still can't get over the fact that that guy actually thought I was working in Starbucks. How can he miss the dickhead? LOL!