Friday, January 25, 2008

Crossroads, T-Junctions, One Ways...

Listening to: Rie fu - Until I say
Feeling: Angry, sad, disappointed, annoyed & all of the above.


Have you ever felt like, you know... you're at the crossroads of your life? How does that feel like? Maybe like, you literally see them? Or like, it's there is a flash of lightning and you KNOW you're there... This dreaded crossroad? Or maybe, T-junction... whatever

This sucks... for some reason I can't talk about what had happened but it had totally effected me emotionally like BAD. I mean, like, do you realize the amount of 'like's I am putting in this post?

I am so fucking bummed. I don't know if anyone else could understand the feeling... Well maybe not cause no one else got what I got. I feel...




A failure.


Angry at the powers that be.


Ultimately, angry at myself.

Really, this is not how it is supposed to be. Putting in so much effort, time, blood, sweat and tears gave me only this? Am I so undeserving? Major blow to my self-esteem is all I can say.

I UGH... feel like crying! I want to cry. But why? I am crying because of this?

God damned!

Yeah, so back to the crossroads... I am thinking of which way to head to. should I stay or should I go? Left or right? Up or down?

I hate this feeling of being uncertain about something. Like, you're given the choice of having chicken or beef as part of your set lunch and you know you love both... But are you sure you want the chicken? You might want the beef though... You might regret... Ugh. Hate that feeling.

*OK, that didn't really make sense*

Whatever that is... I think I will never be confident of myself anymore. And I thought I might have ONE percent of my much needed confidence. All shattered... Within 10 minutes of my life.

Plunge a knife through my heart now.

I am so sick...

And so tired...

Feel useless and unappreciated.

Right now, just feeling unhappy, demotivated and angry at the world. Let me be for a while.


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