Something's wrong

Honestly if you ask me what's wrong, I do not know... I just feel something's wrong I do not really know what the hell it is.. I am in love with my job, Sarah's got her job, person that matters the most to me is showing me love (I think..) and yeah, I am at peace with myself.

Sometimes it's scary to think that I feel this way when everything's going on fine. Seems to me that I feel better when I am in hot soup or something. Maybe it's the period thing coming on or something...

Or not... hmm maybe I am jst feeling very confused. Cause person tht matters the most is treating me very nice. Just when I feel that I might let go, I feel something warm. hah... yeah I do.. I am SUCH a bloody pinhead. Sometimes I feel that I should just make sure that he hates me before I can let go.. I know for a bloody fact that me and him, no chance. Why am I still holding on to this. I dare not let go. Doesn't help when my tarots says that me and him will end up good and in the end my wish will come true.

It really hurts to think back now and see how stupid I am to feel so damn happy when I know that I am just hiding myself from the truth. I feel stupid. Smiling to myself while driving, eating or even when sleeping. I do not dare to believe what the cards say, but secretly I wish and hope that it comes true. hahah stupidity.

And on his side, doesn't really help that he treats me great. I've said this so many times, sigh... and I'm still not letting go. Sometimes I would rant about issues of love and he would give me advice and ... I dunno.. I sometimes feel like it is somehow directed to me as well as the subject of my rantings. 'Why can't she just let it go?' This scares me the most because it sounds like a call for me to stop it and he telling me that no way in a thousand years. It scares me... Because I wish and hope that the future would somehow turn out to be like how it is on the cards...