I AM WORTH IT GOD DAMNIT!!!

Listening to: Janet Jackson - I get so lonely
Feeling: Caffeinated


Sorry Ayammana, no nasty post yet... Maybe sometime soon.. no time to blog nowadays...

So anyways, it's 11.21pm... 39 minutes till Merdeka Day.. Need to run off to shower before picking Sarah N, Kst and G up before going off to meet Fun and Jay. Had a long talk with Seems and Sarah S about my situation and decided that killing people with kindness is the way to go.

"You're not worth the money I'm paying you. You do the least in the whole team" kept ringing in my head as I picked up the phone to call Fun to ask her if her new company wants to hire someone... Right after that after all the heat subsided I realized that I will truly miss the magazine if I go. About 7pm, the other company called me up for an interview. After talking to him I was even more troubled. I'm gonna miss the team, I'm gonna miss the work and the company.

Seems suggested that I should try meta-meditation where you wish the person all the best an give that person your happy vibes so that person will treat you better. I am going to give that a try and improve on myself. Shall come in at 9am everyday and put in all my stories on time. Shall not complain when people ask me to loan stuff last minute. Shall smile to her whenever possible and shall be even nicer to her. Maybe somewhere in between she'll feel bad and change.

Will not leave because of her when I really love my work. Shall keep my passion *FIRE!* to a maximum... So easy to say... I hope it's easy to do as well...

Because I know I am worth it...

Happy Merdeka everyone... I am working tomorrow T.T

Daphne, oh, Daphne...

Listening to: Franz Ferdinand - Take me out
Feeling: I wanna go home!

Well, because Miss Daphne Iking said "Tak aci, never put my picture up in your blog wan" (OK, she didn't exactly say that, so I am not quoting her ok?) here is it... Suddenly remembered that Shuk Yin sent me two pictures with all of us in it taken during our Hong Kong trip so posting it up here loe...

(L-R) Sheila the cutie, Daphne the gilar, May the sweetie, Shawn the shopaholic, Shuks the long lost college mate, me... and OMG, that's me looking REALLY pathetic at the back.. Wait till I go back to my mac and zoom it in plus put in red ballon to make everyone notice me!

(L-R) Wong with his arse to the camera, Daphne, Sheila, Shawn, me and pink bag, May, Shuk. Taken at The Peak, Hong Kong. Nice right?

I have to admit that I was reluctant to put this beautiful lady's picture because I was afraid that she might not like ma... But then again, she is like the nicest person...

When I first met her in the airport, I was kinda freaked out because you know... she's a celeb and everything but turns out that she is so gila-gila and fun. Totally made the whole trip super fun. My only regret was that didn't take pictures of her going all nuts in Madame Tussaud's. *giggles*

Still in office, feeling abit sad that I don't have life no more. Looking at G who is using my colleague's computer and attempting to blog. *sniggers* Turned out that she accidently deleted the whole thing after spending like about an hour typing...

*dies laughing!!!!* Suddenly realized that my night was not so boring after all... TA!

Enough about me, let's talk about me s'more!

Listening to: The Fray - Over my head
Feeling: Poor...


I am so effing poor that I have no money to buy ciggies. So sad, had to bum ciggies off G and then inhale other people's second hand smoke to satisfy my disgusting habit. I gotta stop smoking sometime soon... If I get any poorer I would have to dig into the dustbin to look for cigarette butts that are hopefully good for at least two puffs. Sad sad sad! I need to get my claims soon to buy lunch! SNIFF!!!!

OK, back to the main topic... Recently, I realized that some people out there are so fucking obsessed with themselves that they can't stop talking about themselves for even a few seconds. I mean, you can do that when you're blogging cause IT'S MY BLOODY BLOG FOR GOD'S SAKE and readers can decide whether they want to read or not. My friends are forced to read this least I disown them Well, sorry I digress...

Anyway, back to this breed of people.

I guess it's alright to talk about yourself sometimes... I mean, we do it all the time. But you know there are signals when you should stop. Take this for an example...

Me: *yakyakyakyakity yak about some Japanese gay men going round scaring people in the streets of Tokyo*

Gem: *Looks bored but pretends to be interested*

Me: *Continues yakking without noticing Gem is about to burst into tears of boredom*

G: *Looks at me and Gem, amused and suddenly bursts out laughing* Eh, can't you see that she is so bloody bored? Give her a break.. She don't care la!

Me: Huh? Butbutbutbut, I thought she was interested!

Gem: *Giving an amused but painful smile* Well... You were so into it so I didn't want to cut your steam la...

Me: *Wilts in embarrassment*

*Sorry guys, I've learnt my lesson*

Maybe that was not a good example because I was not talking about myself... Maybe this will be a better one...

Me: You know, about that whole ban on liquid on planes because there was some crazy terrorist plan is just scary...

Friend1: Yeah, you know... I didn't realize that these bomb things are so high tech... And to think that you can't even bring milk on board... Man, it makes you think how evil people are nowadays...

Friend2: YEAH! I once brought milk onboard as well, but you know not because I had a kid but because I wanted to do this facial mask on the plane with it. I was so bored in the plane! I had to watch this movie like 3 times before we landed... And when we reach our location we checked in and straight away went shopping and you know what I bought? Like the whole frigging suitcase... *I shall not bore everyone with this but I guess you catch my drift?*

Me and F1: *WTF face*

Really, what the hell... I mean, this is just an example and the above conversation didn't transpire (thank god) but something like that did really happen over the weekend... Really, I cannot stand this person for doing the whole 'Enough about me, let's talk about me s'more' attitude... There are times when this particular friend has the cheek to stop us in the middle of a conversation and ask 'Are you done with what you're talking about?' and launches into some totally unrelated and in my honest opinion, totally pointless something about herself...

As she was talking, I can feel myself detaching myself from my body and there I was, floating above the table and I see two totally bored girls with a slight twitch on their faces while the ME girl continues on and on totally oblivious to the fact that her two friends are so tuned out...

To me it's like this; if you have this big problem you wanna discuss and moan over go ahead and go into 'ME' mode. It's totally understandable, but if you just want to be in the centre of the conversation but have nothing intelligent to contribute here's a suggestion... SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN! Maybe you might learn something that you could use in the future.. or even better, try reading the newspaper and maybe then you might have something more interesting to think and discuss the next time...

And if that person thinks that talking about herself is so effing interesting, maybe that person should talk to the mirror... After all, you're your own best audience.

FUH! Feel so much better after spewing this out...

Do some charity lah!

Listening to: Sergio Mendes feat. BEP - Mas Que Nada
Feeling: The Friday blues. Happy that it's the weekend but unhappy because there are so many things to do before Monday.

In case you guys have yet to notice, I have totally ho-ed my blog to Google.

I'm sorry but I really need the money help me buy my new phone by clicking on the ads. *psst... honestly, I really don't know how it works... but just click loe*

Download the Picasa program at the bottom of the page for quicker picture upload. I think you can even chat on it.

So remember, use the search toolbar; if you need Picasa - download here; if you can and have the time, click on some of the ads... You might find something hawt here! *besides me of course*

Flattened I mean, Flattered

Listening to: Random chinese music from some random computer
Feeling: Sleepy

Yesterday I received this uplifting email from Marina of the US of A. :)

First and foremost, let me explain Marina. Marina is a girl whom I knew since I was in high school. She was the coolest cat around. As in, for a 15 year old she posseses the cool collected calm of a 25 year old working woman. Needless to say, I was always in awe of her. She's smart and funny in a quiet kinda way. AND she was the only person who could stand Yews of his crazy ways.

Just when we were able to hold our own naughty conversations, she flew off to US to further her studies. Now she only comes back once a year. Marina and me, oh we had such good times...

So back to the uplifting email, she sent me this...

"Hey you!

I know this is probably long overdue or something and totally obvious, but I just finished reading a whole bunch of the posts from your blog and you are a mighty talented blogger. Your posts are fun and insightful to read...and its not just because you write about your life..but the way you word your experiences. I just felt like telling you that. Sometimes (ok...most times) I am so out of touch with stuff and I wanted to take some time to share my thoughts about this part of your life with you. By the way...good luck on the cha-cha dancing! Sounds like fun. Make sure to dance with the cute boys in class ok? Or it there are none...at least the moderately handsome ones.

Marina."

Man, that totally made my day. Marina, of all people to say so about me. Just when I wondered if I should continue writing, professionally. OK, to put it simply; I'm flattered.

Wait, let me try again.

I'M FUCKING FLATTERED.

Thanks Marina. I had like the best day yesterday. The day went on with glitches as usual but I feel the ray of hope shining on me, so I soldiered on. *stupid smile on my face*

I'm out...

One of those moments.

Listening to: Kanye West - All falls down
Feeling: Melanchonic


With sis's recent achievements, my parents are walking around with proud looks on their faces which I don't blame them for. I get kinda teary eyed too when I watch my sister perform. *She plays the guzheng by the way*

But last week, sis won this competition sponsored by this local TV station, mom practically flipped her wig. Firstly, she got nearly everyone with the same surname to watch the competition on TV. Then she got everyone with the same surname as her to watch the competition on TV. Then she managed to convince all my cousins, twice removed, to watch the TV program. And then she got ALL of my brother's friends to watch the competition on TV. I am suspecting she got some of the mamak stalls to tune into the TV station at that time.

Which was totally fine by me. Heck, I wish that mom would get everyone we know to buy Her World just cause I write for it. Until I realized that I bought tickets for Pirates of the Caribbean on the same day and will miss the broadcast. Mom didn't know that I will miss that precious broadcast because she's back in Seremban. I do truly regret it but then, I've bought the tickets already. So I went on with my plans...

Everything went well until the following Monday when we got together for dinner. They were gushing about sis as usual. Blah blah blah, and then mom turned to me and said...

Mom: Everyone supported sis so much...

Me: Ahuh

Mom: So did you watch it?

Me: *feeling really guilty and shit* Uh... No

Mom: What sort of sister are you anyway? Everyone, even your cousins called everyone they knew to watch her. And you as a sister did not?

Me:*shrinking into the size of an ant* But I bought tickets for a movie before I got to know about this

Mom: So? This is a once in a lifetime thing. Can't you forgo your stupid movie?

I was about to protest and say, 'But it's Orlando Bloom. You can't forgo Orlando Bloom.' when I realized that would sound extremely bad on me and decided to shut the fuck up and finished dinner in silence.

Suddenly I was transported back to the time I was about 10. It was my first Christmas ballet recital and we had practiced extra hard for it. Mom had grumbled when I told her that the costume would cost her about RM80 but she paid for it anyway. I had to save about RM30 to buy a ticket for my dad because I really wanted him to watch me, the prancing ballerina. I had to beg him to come to the concert. Mom thought the ticket was too expensive and told me not to get her a ticket.

I remembered I was backstage, peeping through the curtains checking to see if dad was there already. Ours was the third routine. It was all really exciting, smell of sweat and makeup all mixed up with the smell of the stage. Everyone's parents were there. Some helped to put on makeup, some just stood around, snapping pictures of their kid in cute costumes. Dad was still not there.

When it was finally time to start, our group filed onto the darkened stage and I frantically scanned the crowd and I saw Dad. He looked pretty bored and I think he was kinda drunk. The music started and I remembered dancing as I had never danced before. When it was all over, I looked at dad's direction again and I saw him clapping. I remembered that I felt so proud of myself and when he came over at the end of the recital, he said these words 'Let's go, I'm bored and tired.' I could smell that he had a few after work drinks too many. I had never felt so disappointed in my whole entire life. When I got home, mom didn't even ask how it went. I went up to my room and didn't come down till the next day.

It's just one of those moments when you wonder if you've really been adopted or picked up from the dustbin. Really, I thought I should run away and be the gypsy I was supposed to be. *that idea was courtesy of Enid Blyton books.*

Maybe mom and dad hated the idea of me doing ballet in the first place, and loved the fact that sis is excelling in something they liked. But I am glad that she is getting so much support from my parents. I'll just go on with my gypsy ways. What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.