Wednesday, October 18, 2006

'Menjaga keselamatan anda'

Listening to: Justin Timberlake - My Love
Feeling: Sleepy

So I was working late yesterday, (BTW, what's new?) got home at bout ten-ish (OK, it was kinda early compared to the last few days) and decided that I am in need of a night cap. So after having dinner, drove out to meet G at our usual smoking corner near her house.

Nearing her place, I turned a corner at a traffic light and bam ran smack into a roadblock. It's kinda common this whole month.. you know... because of the upcoming Raya season. Usually the coppers will wave me pass, cause I'm a good lil girl with her seatbelts on and handphone on handsfree mode. But today, they waved me to the side...

Me: FUCK! My license's expired!

The moment of realization came too late because my efficient officer is already tapping on my dirty smog stained window asking for my IC and driver's license. Hoping that they'll scan through my IC and let me off, well because I obviously didn't do anything wrong (except for not renewing my license), I smiled sweetly and waited patiently for him to let me go. Mr.Officer peered into my car and saw me grinning like an idiot and asked me for my extension slip for my drivers. I mock shuffled through my belongings and declared that I left it in my other purse. As expected (if you're Malaysian) came the usual conversation after discovering you've violated a traffic rule...

Me: Sorry la Encik, saya pertama kali pernah di stop polis. Boleh bagi chance tak?
Sorry sir, this is my first time being stopped by the police, can you give me a chance?

Mr.Officer: Tak boleh la dik, ini macam tak baik. Kenapa tak bawa keluar? Bahaya tau... Tapi, macam ini mungkin boleh settle la... Macam mana nak settle? I mungkin boleh tolong la.
I can't do that. It's not good (WTF? NOT GOOD TO GIVE CHANCE BUT ALRIGHT TO FUCKING BRIBE YOU? TIUUUZZZZ) How can you not bring your license out? I can help you settle though... How do you want to settle this?

This 'friendly' banter went on for a bit until...

Me: Encik, dompet saya hanya ada lima ringgit. Boleh settle ker? Kalau tak boleh, samam saja la.
Sir, I've only got 5 bucks in my wallet. Can settle? If not just fine me.

Mr. O: Bagi saya check dengan superior saya dulu la
Let me check with my superior first...

He walks off to talk to this other guy who talking to the car in front of mine. And he came back with the officer..

Mr.Superior: You pertama kali kena saman ker? Mari, saya bagi saman kamu yang pertama
Is this the first time you got fined? Come, let me issue you your virgin fine.

Me: WTF? *gets out of the car to sign the summon slip*

Me: Encik, kenapa kebelakangan ini banyak roadblock ha?
Sir, why are there so many roadblocks nowadays?

Mr.S: Di musim perayaan ini, ada banyak kes-kes ragut. Oleh itu, roadblock ini adalah untuk menjaga keselamatan kamu
This festive season, there is an increase in the crime rates. So we have more roadblocks to keep you safe.

Me: *Jaw drops, silence ensues* WTFWTFWTF?

What the fuck dudes... That was the funniest shit I heard the whole week! Increase in crime rates so have more roadblocks? I wanted to laugh my ass off because all I could think of at that time was, the only robbers are the cops. Please, the only reason why they have more roadblock is because they want to find fault with us so they can get us to bribe them!

In the first place, this whole 'settle' thing shouldn't even happen. When they see my expired license, they should just issue me a fine, not ask me if I want to settle or not. Fuckers... bloodsuckers.

'Menjaga keselamatan anda' my ass! I am even more scared when they are around because they commit daylight robbery. All in the name of justice....

Justice my foot! Damnit... gotta renew my license.

Guys, take it from me. From now till Raya is over, it's gonna be a bitch so renew your license, don't talk on your mobile and fasten your seatbelts, because they might just want to 'Menjaga keselamatan anda'.

I so can't get over it!!!! Ugh!


Anonymous said...

fucking hell...u r absoulutely right. I kena also. I knew what they wanted, so after calmly putting down my mobile (u now know my offence), I digged into my wallet, produced my (still valid) license about the time he approached my window.

"u tau salah u kan"
(handing over the license)
"jadi macam mana?"
"saman lah"
" u dari kelantan ah?"(peers at my number plate)
(no bozo...look at my drivers permit and u will see Im from some kg in Sabah"
"ini banyak mahal oh ah moi"
(I'm not chink..)
"takpe lah...saya sudah salah...saman lah"
(fiddle..fiddle...i continue eating my roti kaya without missing a beat)
"betul ah?"
(fiddle..fiddle..go and see his superior)
"bang...boleh cepat sikit ah?saya ada appointment la"
(he looks at me tad bit upset)
(sorry...I have no money for Raya too)


This technique has worked for me in 2 ways:

one, either they saman u
two, they let u go away cause they think u r 'so stupid one..don't know how to haggle'.

berhati-hati di jalan raya masa Deeparaya. seatbelts on, make sure ure license/roadtax ok, no talking/smsing on your mobile.

amylmeiwei said...

how do they know tat ur license is expired when they stopped u? they juz stopped u 2 find mistakes afterwards? Damn these jerks!

Agreed 2 unicorngoddess, I normally asked them 2 go ahead n saman, I would never ever bribe them.

I was once without seatbelt, he stopped me. Without talking, I straight away passed all my license n ID 2 him. He asked, "how?" I said, "I've got no time, u saman lar"

"u belajar lagi ker?"
"ya, tengah nak pergi class ni, dah lewat aku, cepat sikit boleh tak?" (I was actually on my way 2 megasales in 1-u)
"kalau I saman, siapa nak bayar untuk u?"
"bapak settle lar, i mana ada duit?"
"bapak kerja apa?"
"kerja kat JPJ"
(tat shocked him a bit)
"oooo... ok-lar, hari ni I bagi chance, I kasihan bapak yang kena bayar ke atas kesalahan u, lain kali jangan ya?"
*fuck u lar!

btw, my dad works in puspakom, not JPJ but he has close connections wif JPJ ppl lar, so I'm never scared of policemen

Pinkity said...

My god! Now I know each and every Malaysian's got their own 'settle' story to tell!

Unicorngoddess - Now you can use Samsung bluetooth handsfree *soooo ho-ing for Samsung* when you're driving!!!!

Amy - Can I pretend that my dad works for JPJ also ar? You think that would work for us? T.T

Thing is, fine with me if they want to issue a summon because of my offence, but at the end of the day, you stop me because your intention is to extort money from me. I'm pissed off because of that.

I told my friend about what happened and she said that their pay is low that's why they are accepting bribes *apparently this came out on the papers ya'all*.


Low wage that's why have to accept bribes? Is that even an excuse? I am not against the police force. They had been helpful when I was robbed and most of the time they are polite people. But if you need a effing pay raise, you talk to your boss; not stop people's car and check randomly if they've expired license and no backlights...

Sigh... I love our country, but the third world mentality still prevails..

amylmeiwei said...

I think u could try, not like he's going 2 check on ur dad's profile or something... but 2 b safe, tell him tat ur dad works in PUSPAKOM, not JPJ, i suppose they work the same way