Adult Predicaments

Listening to: Akeboshi - Wind
Feeling: Bored


I've been wanting to blog about this for a long time. But it's one of those things that hit you fast and make you think and then you'll sorta forget about it until one day someone brings it up again.

So one day me and Seems were chilling at her place. In between ciggies and coke we had this rather funny conversation..

Me: You know, I can't imagine like, ten year from now. All my friends will be married and I'm still like, single. That's so scary

Seems: *laughs* OMG, that's so sad!

M: I KNOWWWWWW

S: *turns serious* Actually, I can't imagine that cause I have like never been single. I've always been with Gun. (her husband) To think of it, I've been with him since I was 24. *she had dated Gun for about 8 years and she's happily married for at least 4 years*

M: *freaks out* OMFG.. shit!!! I can see it already... I'll have a house full of cats and I'll be knitting. Sock after sock after scarves after tea cosy. Gawd.. I'll even crochet. I feel so sad!!!

S: Well, I can't say that I understand that cause I'm married with kids. *by kids she mean her two cute cats* Plus, I can't tell you 'Everything will be OK" because I don't know... don't worry Pink, you'll survive...

M: Fuck... I'm so like hanging out alone. Or alternatively, I can be like all old and wrinkly but I'll still hang out with my sister's friends. Like cause they're 9 years younger than me and I'll pretend I'm as young as them. Oh GOD! I'M SO SCARED! I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING GROW UP!!!!!!!111oneoneone *spirals into obscurity*

S: Hrmm... About this whole grown up thing, I've had this thought too, for the longest time... Sometimes I see my Boss and her husband and I think 'Wow, they are like so grown up'. Fact is, I'm about there as well age-wise but I still think sometimes me and Gun are like kids playing house. Most of the time I wonder what sort of life do they lead to have such grown up lives?

M: *babbling inaudible murmurs of pain and confusion*

S: Like, how me and Gun are like so free and easy... Maybe cause we don't have children but you know... it's like I'm still this carefree 20 something.

M: *with glazed look* Yarn... knitting... cats... rocking chair....

S: ......


Yeah, that was the gist of the whole conversation.

Truth is, sometimes when I look at the people around me of the same age. Most of them are like well dressed, well spoken and have a great career earning loads of money. Me? I have a limited wardrobe that can only survive a week. I don't even have a career suit. I am earning peanut shit and I run my mouth all the time.

Like that day when I met a client of mine to collect some stuff. I was dressed in my usual jeans skirt and T. *The p-chan look™™™* This smartly dressed lady walked out of the room to greet me and ushered me into the meeting room. After a while, we sorta talked about age and I nearly died of embarrassment when she confided in me that she's 24 years old. Lucky for me, she didn't press for my age. I would have lied and said 18. *cries*

Like Seems says, working in this industry makes you feel younger prolly because you get to wear what you want and you're allowed to be different. Maybe for her it's occasional, but for me, it's like I'm living on in this extended childhood because God forgot to level up for me. I am still a novice. (RO freaks should understand me on this)

This feeling was made worst when Amy left me a comment here asking me when I'm going over to see baby Nicole *Gomen gomen gomen nasai!!!! I should see you soon baby Nicole... If not the first time I see you will be the time you're going to Kindergarten* Amy's been married for 3 years if I'm not wrong... baby Nicole should be about 1 and a half years old. Sometime I feel that I can't comprehend the feeling of having a friend who's at the same age as me who's married and a mother. It scares me...

Last time when I see high school friends the first thing I'll ask is about their new jobs and are they in relationships but nowadays the first thing I ask is if they're married and we gossip about who's marrying who. That is so fucking scary...

Still, I don't feel like a grown up....

I've got my first property, my car, and still I don't feel like a grown up.

I've been working full time for the past 4 years and yet I don't feel like a grown up.

I've got 2 credit cards *and blown them in the process* and still... yeap... I don't feel like a grown up.

It scares me sometimes because I wonder is it cause I am just not serious about life...

And it really didn't help that I am a manga freak... =.=

I really need to get back to my Naruto DVDs...