Friday, September 24, 2004

Who are you to say?

Who is Moo to say the things he had said? I mean, now that he is on the other side and I feel like the victim, he is not saying the incredibly 'holy' things that he had said previously.

I am so angry. So disappointed.

Who is he to question 'Trust'?
Who is he to question 'Friendship'?
Who is he to question 'Love'?
Who is he to question me?
Who is he to say that he had betrayed?

He had once said that what the other girl did was wrong as they were just weeks since they broke up and she got together with someone. He had said that he would never trust the guy ever again. And then we happened. And I tried my very hardest to reconcile them. He rebuffed me every single time, saying that I do not understand how he feels. I admited to him at that time I really do NOT understand the feeling of betrayal. But what do you know... now I do know how betrayal feels and it feels like shit.

For he is now courting someone else.

I would be lying if I said it doesn't bother me, it does because, I am acknowledging this.. I cannot lose. I cannot stand to lose and in this case, not so much on the times that we had together... but it's the very thought that he had indeed lied and made me think that for the first time in my life I am loved.

I know I am evil but somehow I've actually looked into his cell and saw a name that kept appearing in his sms inbox. And with not hesitation at all... I opened the inbox and saw smses with words that he had directed to me once upon a time.

I am angry.. I do feel very very much ANGRY~

He had cheated me of my firsts. The end had to come too soon. I thought to myself, if nothing would have happened, I won't feel this way about him at all. I get moody around him. I dunno why.. Sigh. I can't hate him, he's my friend. Sigh.. Sometimes I wonder, why am I being so 'tai foong' when I can be super nasty and just ignore him? What am I trying to prove to myself, I sometimes ask...

Why am I here?

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