Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Contradictions of Life

Once in a while, I get into pensive mode, thinking about things like 'Why do we have go to war to get peace?' and 'Is there really more to life than just this?'

It's a rainy Monday morning and I am in a pensive mood. Gah.. Minus the pain in my butt, I am pretty much lost. Lost in this feeling of sadness, guilt and confusion. I am not too sure of what is happening right now in this so-called life of mine.

Problems of friendship take centre stage. After putting some thought to it, I feel like I am over-reacting over this issue, and the damage is done. Like an article I've read yesterday night (as tho it was a sign, the article was on friendship).

Story goes that two best friends got into a little argument and one of them said something offending to her friend. She got home and thought about it and was ashamed and wanted to make up. She got really worried and went to the wise woman of her village to get her advice. The wise lady, after listening to the lady’s story, asked her what would she do to mend her friendship, the lady replied with ‘Anything, just as long as it I can make up for what I’ve said.’

The wise lady told her that she has to complete two tasks. Task one was to go home and take all her feather pillows, make a hold and remove all the feathers. After that, go around the village and place one of the feathers on each and every house’s doorstep before dawn. After that, go back to the wise lady and she will reveal task number two to her. The woman hurried home and quickly set to do her task, taking out all the feathers from her pillows. After that, she went around, fighting cold wind and darkness, putting one feather on each doorstep. It was near dawn when she finally set the last feather on the last doorstep.

She hurried back to the wise women’s house and asked her for task number two, very eager to finish it so that she can mend her friendship back. Task number two, according to wise lady, was to collect back each and every feather that she had put on the doorsteps. The lady said, ‘That’s impossible!! All the feathers should be blown away by the wind. How could I collect all of them back?’ The wise lady nodded and said, ‘Like the feathers, your words cannot be taken back for they are blown away by the wind. The damage is done and there is nothing you can do about it. Therefore think and choose your words carefully before you say it for they could cause deep hurt and pain to the people you love and once you do that there is no way that you can take them back again.’

I reread the story twice before I flipped the page, for I realized that it is very very true. That set me thinking about the things that we have done for the past 2 months.

I’m not too sure what went wrong but maybe, just maybe one little event set everything else into motion. I think, jealousy is the main contributor. It was hard to admit but on my side, that was what I saw. We were jealous that Nini had the sympathy of the guys. The guys were supporting her all the way, bringing her out for lunch and stuff, and most recently spent her for dinner in a hotel for her birthday. Though we knew the guys much longer than she did, they never really did do anything like that for us. I got pretty angry when the guys asked me to go but when I asked them about two of my other buds, Gem and Sarah, they told me ‘Just you’ What got me really angry was the fact that Nini didn’t even thought of them, cuz when I asked her ‘What bout Gem & Sarah’ she had to actually turn and ask the two guys. Hello!!! It is kinda understood that whenever we go out, we would go out together, what more your birthday? Right away I dint know what to do, only thought that came to my head was ‘I am so tired of this bull shit….’ And I really needed someone to talk to. If this happened a few months ago, I would have just dialed speed dial number 6 to call my best bud to bitch to him. Just my luck that he went off to a place far, far away for studies.

Other options was Sarah, cause I was contemplating if I should tell Gem o not, as Gem feels for one of the guys, None. I was afraid that this might break her heart. After picking Sarah, she was like,’ If I was in Gem’s position, I would wanna know.’ So, went off to find Gem.

Had a few drinks at the mamak, told Gem the story, told Sarah’s cousin, the cigarette man, the story. Told Arihito the story. Really want to get their feedback. The cigarette man (T.C.M) said that was Nini’s problem, cuz she does not respect us and flirts around like mad. Sarah was like ‘Is she taking advantage of the situation (for she too feels something for the other guy, Sissy, and had confessed recently) and she feels like Nini is trying to be the middle person between both of them so that she can get close to None. (BTW, None and Sissy are like best friends or something…). So in the end, there was no solid answer/feedback given. Jst felt even more pissed. Prolly its cause we were all worked up over the incident at the moment.

Oh well, I guess, I am now out of steam. I jst feel like I am gonna stand back and see what happens, maybe she does have a motive that is good. Like trying to mend the broken friendship between us and the two boys, but whatever it is it is looking pretty bad on her side. It does look as though she is using this opportunity to trust herself to the side of None. She is not gonna admit it but even the blind can see that she has the hots for None.

So, will be just observing and if it is gonna go for the worst, I might just let go of this friendship. I am tired.

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