Listening to: Sarah McLachlan - I will remember you Feeling: Melancholic? I am on a blog roll today. 3 posts a day? It used to be 3 posts a month. OK to be honest I am just procrastinating from doing my freelance work.
So listen to me rant while I wait for my crimson wave to hit me.
It has been 5 years since I had started blogging. I realized that I am not a regular blogger. I have a regular job, so sue me.
When I was thinking about why I started blogging, I remembered. It was painful but I remembered.
It's sad but the pain was still there.
You went away. And Carebear Joe suggested I should start blogging. You know... to take my mind off things. It was a time of troubles as well. My job wasn't going too well and all I could do was shut myself in the tiny toilet of the office with tears wetting my ugly black slacks and equally ugly pair of black court shoes to sms you about the painful death I wish my boss would die of.
You often replied to say that you would come back and stick nails into her tyres. It always made me smile. I never had to wonder what time it was then at your side. I knew down pat what time it was.
That was the 3rd year. And after the first time I confessed to you. Looking back, IT'S SO STUPID OF ME to continue liking you. It was obvious that it won't work out. I cried through your first girlfriend while listening to Celine Dion's All By Myself. I buried myself under the pillows when you tried calling back after I confessed over sms. I cried when you told me you're leaving for a year and a half and you might not come back. I never thought human could cry as much.
I remembered a month before you left. You were wonderful to me. You asked me out for drinks all the time and sent me encouraging smses. Little did I know it was actually you feeling bad for me. I cried everyday. I listen to damn Celine Dion and I cry. I drive for meetings and on the bloody radio was M2M's Pretty Boy, I bawl again. I cried every chance I had. So damn stupid. My eyes were so bloodshot clients must have thought that I was taking drugs.
The day before you left, we were just chatting on the field near your house and as we stood up to leave, you asked for a hug. It was uncomfortable because my heart was beating so fast the ground was trembling. We walked towards my car and you said 'one last hug'. I wanted to run to my car and flood the damn interior because I felt so sad. Was that love? Or was it pity? I remembered I was the one who pushed him away first. And valiantly said goodbye with a smile on my face. Next thing I remembered was driving back home with the rain pouring inside the car.
It had happened so long ago but yet it stays fresh within my memory. All in all, I was in sweet agony for five years. I thought you really was the one for me. Too bad you didn't think I was the one for you. When I saw you recently, I thought how did I ever like this person? I couldn't remember. Even now I couldn't remember why...
Guess I had only truly liked someone with such passion 3 times in my life. After my third rejection, how could I truly trust my own heart?
Listening to: Mika Nakashima - Find the way Feeling: A little bewildered
"You don't know this but a few months before we broke up, me and Z my bestfriend were looking at engagement rings. I really wanted to marry N"
I sat there stunned. After all, N has bitched to no end about this guy, X. X was a bad person, X speaks to me with no respect. X doesn't have time to spend with me. X had another girl before he broke up with me.
X also had his fair share of bitchings and rantings. N is selfish. N is egoistical. I had tried so hard to change N. N is possessive.
I was stunned.
It is shitty to know this now when both parties has embarked onto yet another relationship. N received a diamond ring from current beau and seem happy. X is seeing someone else and seems happy as well.
But looking back, if they had been a little more patience they might have been happily married. There are times when knowing too much is sad. This is one of those moments.
Looking at it this way, its odd that sometimes chances flit between your fingers and impatiently you swat it away thinking its an annoying fly. And that chance might just never come back to you ever again.
It is not in my position to say anything about this situation, but one can't help but wonder... What if at that one moment someone backed down and said sorry. The ending might have been so much more different.
Listening to: The Gorrilaz - Clint Eastwood Feeling: A little sad And I have a confession to make... It has been on my mind for the longest time and I had wondered for the longest time if I should blog about it because it seems so petty written... Well so here it goes...
I have, well I'm thinking more like I HAD a friend who I'm kinda alright with. I won't say we were really close but I had good times with him. We used to chat a lot online. We used to go out for drinks and have good conversations... I like him alot, temper and all. He's an artist and he's got artist behavior... You know, the usual mood swings and stuff. I guess we were good friends.
We went to Genting together for Coffee Bean, we went to KL for geek trips and discussed anime. We had similarities in music and movies. It was cool.
He started dating a friend of mine and everything was still cool. Hiccups here and there but still alright. We still talk, a little less than before but we still talk about silly things. Initially, it was just 10% less than what we usually do. Then it was 50%... suddenly, out of the blue, we just don't talk anymore.
We still go out for drinks, even if he sits in front of me he would talk to everyone else except for me. He would laugh at other people's jokes and look away when I talk. At first, I thought it's just me imagining stuff... But after almost a year of this looking away and ignoring I am questioning why.
Like I say, I have thought about it for the longest time and wondered if it's just me being sensitive but when people start ignoring your questions for the 10339303rd time, it's time to sit up and take notice.
It's a childish, 'Why you don't friend me' question but it's bothering me. What happened between us? There was no fall outs or anything. We didn't fight. We didn't disagree on something. It just happened. And it is bothering me because I care enough about this person to waste my time caring about this.
It is painful when someone you genuinely care about and like ignores you like that. I wonder what happened...
Listening to: Clazziquai - Gentle Giant Feeling: Excited about work
It has been an exciting weekend. My first article was published. Drove up and down Genting alone. Went to Tamarind Springs for the first time with my bunch of amazing friends for me and Gem's surprise birthday dinner (well, the location was a surprise). Discovered most of my 'missing' jewelry and accessories. Got signed up for a cupcake decorating class next month courtesy of Drama as a bday pressie *hearts!!* Was present at a mummy-to-be heart-to-heart (No, the mommy is not me) Turning 26 tomorrow.
It's amazing that so many good things can happen in two short days. Will blog about it when I get the pictures.
Listening to: Clazziquai - I will give you everything Feeling: Bored at home
It's Thursday and I'm home! I'm like thinking if I should start doing my freelance work and decided to blog about Melaka instead.
Yes, we were in Melaka and it was bloody hot. This trip was a girl's trip so the old gang got together and checked into Aldy Hotel for some nostalgic reminiscing of the good ol' days. Ahh but there is never a trip without drama but that's obviously another story...
Frog-chan to Giraffe-chan ikimashyou!
As usual, we took the old route of stopping by Seremban for the usual Hakka noodles and beef noodles while stocking up on coffee. I only had like 3 hours of sleep prior to hopping onto Connie's car. And of course being a new car, it was a non-smoking car! AHHHHH!!!!
We reached Melaka and headed to the hotel immediately. The room was still not ready so we went down to the lounge for a drink or two. I ordered the Banana Milkshake that was the bomb. I wanted another one!
View from our room. Not too bad for something that was kinda within our budget (i.e. CHEAP!)
Wonderful Milkshake!
After we freshened up in our rooms, Gem's colleague who's from Melaka brought us to this fantastic satay place where we had lunch. The sauce had pineapples in it! Unfortunately we were so hungry I did not even think of snapping a few pictures... But I'll gladly go back there for a repeat performance!
After a fulfilling late lunch, we parted ways with Gem's colleague and decided to look for this Peranakan Museum Seems told us about. Found it as it's just behind Jonker Street and parking was fairly easy to get. I love, love, love the architecture. I swear, with all this technology we are getting stupid. The house has got an air well to light up theliving room and to encourage air-flow? Genius.. This is the Peranakan Museum. Worth every single sen of that RM8 we paid.
The sky was so damn blue when we were there in Melaka. Compared to the crappy hazy weather in KL, it was a blessing! BUT, because it was cloudless, we had to endure the sun. I prefer that to haze, so bring it on! Blue skies all the way!
We walked and walked and walked. Shopped a little but ate loads and loads of roadside food. It was actually a miracle that we managed to walk somemore still...
Nicgold aka Sarah N cam-whoring beside Nini's new car!
Didn't do much after that because we were just too tired. And because my camera's battery died, I had to rely on Nicgold for pictures and she has yet to upload them.
I bought a kawaii Frog and from now on will be called F-chan...
F-chan enjoys sightseeing from the car...
F-chan's day out...
What you looking at? F-chan checks out mysterious biker
Just being silly
At the end, we were just super tired. Have some other pictures with Nicgold so will post more up as and when I get it from them!
Listening to: Clazziquai - Last Tango Feeling: Like I've not done anything today.. =.=
Shimatta!
I've only slept at 6.30am this morning because of Nagase -kun...
Look at this ...
I think I couldn't stop laughing... Tomoya-chan, I hope you got loads of money for that... *sniff* As much as I love Tomoya-chan.. the hat is just not too hot. But thanks to him, I was able to stay awake to finish my work! Love him~
Listening to: Piped music Feeling: High class And so my spa review got pushed to tomorrow and I am here with nothing to do till tomorrow. I'm just waiting for my Mukodono to finish loading and I'm gonna run back to my comfy room and just chill there till dinner!
Mandarin Oriental is officially effing coolass. The King and Queen of Jordan is in the house... Room's got a nice view. They have Asprey bath range in the room. And uber comfy king sized bed! Can live like this forever can or not? Only poo-poo is that I can't connect my mac laptop in the room. Boo!
I'm in the Club Lounge now (they serve coffee and scones for tea with wifi access and CAN smoke!) waiting and waiting. Lucky brought my laptop if not I'll be stuck with nothing to do!
Listening to: Kelly Clarkson - The Trouble With Love Is Feeling: I should be doing my work or sleeping...
Just got back from a drink with Fun and Jye and something weird happened. Everything was fine and dandy and suddenly rain started falling. And a gust of wind and all of a sudden we could smell this horrible hazy smell.
It's so odd. Even though the weather was erratic but this is just plain weird.
Last Monday, I was in Jarred & Rawlins in Bukit Damansara with Zoe and Sums for lunch and we felt a tremor. Like someone heavy walking pass. And I thought, ah must be the construction next door but Zoe grabbed my arm and said, 'OMFG, did you feel that? That's an earthquake!" and freaked out.
OK, we're in PJ? And uhm.. chances of experiencing an earthquake is like, maybe NIL?
"No, Fa I swear, I felt an earthquake before and that was it. That swaying feeling."
Well, I have to admit that we were seated on solid ground and the swaying was not exactly like anything else I've ever felt before. I had to agree with Zoe that it might be an earthquake. We went back to our offices and tried checking online to see if anyone else felt that but no one else did. Fushigi ne?
With these horrible disasters happening all around the world, Myanmar and China being hit with terrible catastrophe, I couldn't help but wonder if it's God's way of saying, 'Shut the fuck up and enjoy what you still have because it's gonna be the end of the world soon.'
Really scary thought but, who knows?
Shou ga nai.. We're so selfish. Thinking that we can conquer earth must be the stupidest mistake we've ever made since the philosophers think they can decipher what the stars meant.
Do your part. Know that you're only renting this space on earth from God. One day, your leasehold contract with God will end and you're outta here. You don't own anything.
Listening to: Texas - Say what you want Feeling: Like I need a drink I had nothing much to do over the weekend so I decided to trawl crunchyroll.com (obviously the best thing ever since sliced bread and a/c). Finished watching Sayonara Zentsubo Sensei and had nothing else to watch, except for some dramas I had bookmarked from before.
Random clicking happened and by chance, just by chance, I came upon 'My Boss, My Hero'. Haiyo... so damn corny I thought but what the hey... the synopsis was pretty cute, (yakuza tough guy forced to go to high school... hrmm OK) so clicked on the first episode and did not look back... I mean... COMEON!!!
LOOK AT THIS!!!
My Boss, My Hero
This guy, I swear to God. Is evil. He charmed me at first frame!
Anyone this insanely good looking should be locked away and sent to me. I will educate them
Mr Nagase Tomoya is my latest obsession.
He's the lead singer for TOKIO. He used to be a backup dancer for some hot group as well. And he acts really well. Ugh... and oh so pretty! Why am I not born in Japan? AND on top of all that... He used to date Ayumi Hamasaki. Got dumped though.. Boy, he can sure come and cry on MY shoulder. Le sigh...
Look at this!!!
God is so unfair sometimes. Ayumi must had been acting on a moment of craziness to dump this SNAG! And yeah, so that's my new obsession at the moment. Bear with me until this phase ends. And now I'm off to watch more Mukodono!
Listening to: Justin Timberlake - Sexyback Feeling: Bloody sleepy
I know, I know... I am supposed to update.
Over the past two weeks, I was on a jet plane to Penang and back. Drove on the fast lane (obviously it wasn't me who was driving) to Melaka for some history lessons. Expanded my frog collection. (I think I have this secret fetish for frogs) Walked in to work by 9.30am THREE times! (Like, OHMYGAWD!) Learned a whole new programme for publishing. Interviewed a group of three amazing and inspirational people. Watched 2 whole Japanese drama series over the weekend. Bought my second set of wheels. Finished a few freelance jobs. Got asked to do a few more. Work got fantastic thumbs up from clients. Turned 27 the Chinese way.
Yeah, what a great month.
Will expand and explain the next post. It's already 4am.
Listening to: Coco Lee - Secretly Loving You Feeling: Wow-ed Today I had my first private jet ride. Think Paris Hilton, Donald Trump and Cinderella all in one. Yeah, that's how I felt. More on that later...
What the Modern Woman Wants By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen
The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutchingtightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seatbelt tighter but was careful not to touch the patentleather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'
Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on hersleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. 'Finance' 'Liquidation' 'Assets' 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent. The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval.
'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily towardthe backseat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter. 'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America. There have been a lot of problems.' The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.
Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look.The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward silence. 'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.' Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking', Chinese ones being easily forgotten.
'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.' Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed thather mother's silence meant she did not comprehend. 'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!' The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence.The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main hall. Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side. 'Ma, I'll wait outside. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.
The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods. Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman inthis world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh man. Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success.What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.
The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smouldering ashes.She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son. Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name. Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man.She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated,could never become. A woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen. She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood.
She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu; old-fashioned. She wanted her mother to be 'modern', a word so new there was no Chinese word for it. Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes. Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques,and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter left the earth everything she had would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions. The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her daughter be happy.
She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with angerand worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there - down. The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of beehoon in front of the altar.Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped everyday of her life.Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty soulless shell at the altar.
The old lady watched her joss tick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing.Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it. Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder.She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's face. An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the onething that would sow the seeds of happiness. They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not as fast as she had done before. 'Ma,' Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road. Once we move in to our apartment we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have morespace to ourselves...'
The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard. 'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out-but once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that, the apartment is rather small. There won't be space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a Home.There's one near Hougang-it's a Christian home, a very nice one.'The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. 'I've been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time for you, you'd be happier there.' 'You'd be happier there, really.' Her daughter repeated as if to affirm herself.
This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag, and her fingers trace the white seat.'Ma?' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother. 'Is everything okay?' What had to be done, had to be done. 'Yes,' she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,' she added more quietly.'It's for you, Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated.
Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status, Career, Love,Power and now, Freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. 'Stocks 10% increase!'Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her... And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.
Listening to: Fiona Sit - Keanu Reeves Returns Letter Feeling: Tired Over the weekend, me, Fun and Sarah N were in town for the L'Oreal Luxury Brand sale. We waited for about half an hour and I initially didn't want to buy anything as I have pretty much everything I need at home. But as time passed, I was waiting in line thinking if I don't buy anything from that god damned sale I am just effing queuing up for nothing right?
And so after leaving our bags outside *I see loads of LVs splayed next to generic knockoffs aka Vinccis outside at the bag counter.. tee hee* we entered the ballroom. For a moment, I thought we were transported to the Afghanistan refugee camp. There were people everywhere. Huddling in long lines around the counters, queuing up to pay for their purchases and on the floor. Me and the girls decided to go around looking for our own stuff and meeting up somewhere in between. Hurry! The skincare stuff were selling out.
Sarah N and Fun beelined for the perfume table while I went to look for Cin aka Hawtmama's Biotherm skincare stuff. You see, I thought I might not buy anything so I offered to get her some stuff. And so I walked over and asked. Apparently that particular range ran out.
Walked around dodging crazed females grabbing their favourite lip colour at 70% off is quite hard. Imagine stray bullets hurtling past panicky people. Disaster. I was amazed to see guys grabbing Lancome Homme stuff amongst girls trying to get their hands on the latest Lancome perfume sets going for cheap. It was quite scary.
At the Shu Uemura counter, people were lined 3 deep from the table, trying to grab foundations (RM60) and eyeshadows (RM25). I didn't even get to go near the table in the beginning.
I was starting to think that everything was actually free. So since I didn't get to buy stuff for Cin, my fingers started feeling itchy. I didn't need cosmetics so I skipped that counter *unless you're equipped with special guards, there is no way you escape the crowd without bruises* and looked for the haircare section. Turns out they were selling shampoos. That one I need...
Looked around some more and nearly giggled to see bored boyfriends sitting on the dirty carpeted floors, keeping their feet away from the trampling of high-heeled elephants. At last I spied my favourite Biotherm White Detox C+ peel going only for RM30. GRAB GRAB. Took two of those and recommended it to Fun and Sarah N who I found trying to worm their way in front of the Shu Uemura counter.
I came out from the hall RM150 poorer and half dead. I wonder how people manning the counters managed to survive the carnage! Fun and Sarah N collectively spent about RM400 in there. Finally took a sigh of relief the moment we got out of the lobby... No more! No more I swear... *Dramatic drumroll* I've gotten my 2 year supply of that fantastic White Detox C peel and will swear off sales for the next few years.
Also spotted inside the madhouse, Kenny Sia who bought some Lancome Homme stuff holding on to some chick trying to maneuver out.
While I sustained injuries to my wallet, Fun got her calf scratched as some rabid shopper squeezed between them with her bag of products behind her. Ouch.. It bled pretty badly... Wondered again if this was worth buying your favourite lotion at 50% off.
Listening to: Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter Feeling: Really broke It's Friday and I'm home, simply because I am so effing broke. Pay is not in yet and because of some screw ups with previous company, I was paid less than what I was supposed to get. Last month was bad as well because I had to wait 2 extra weeks before pay finally came to me and was promptly spent on fixing my car and paying off my loans and debts. I am still as broke as that day. I am so tired of living like this laaaa *whines*
I guess this is 'paying for your past sins' as Seems says. These are things that you look back and say, 'I wish I didn't buy that damn phone with the card then...' No regrets la. Only learn from mistakes...
I guess there are many things we do that we might regret but remember these are things we could have avoided if we would had stopped and think about the consequences. Unfortunately, we always forget. Like how after I bought my handphone on credit, I vowed not to buy another thing on credit card. Then I bought my laptop. 3 years after that, I am still paying for my debts.
Fortunately, as long as I have my hands and legs, I can still make money to No pay for these 'sins'. I often wonder, what about those people who CANNOT pay off what they have done? Like, if you killed someone... Or broke something that is irreplaceable? If it's me, would I be able to get over that feeling that follows... that regret that will eat into your soul and follow you until the day you die? Will I take my last breath and instead of thinking how I had lived a full and happy life, wished that I did not do what I did 50 years ago?
Like, what if I called that person before he jumped off the building...
Or, would life be more complete if I did not abort that child I once had?
No one is without one regret that they can forget. But one has to understand that whatever it is, it is something we ourselves weave with our own pair of hands. It is not fate. It is something we have to learn and live with.
Do not let regret hold you back from living life. It is not reversible and it is your own decision. Let go.
Listening to: Eason Chan - Lonely Christmas Feeling: Mundane And so the work begins... Today was the first day I 'sent something to the queue'. Which basically means that I've put in work. Working is so different here at The Bintang. Like I've said, people are less chatty and more serious but Seems insisted that it's because I'm sitting on the wrong floor. Well, I'm just sitting in my little corner doing whatever I need to and leave by 6pm. I'm loving it.
I feel that there are many changes in my life. Not sure when it will start happening or when it will hit me but it is slowly starting. It is extremely scary when things are going so well. You can only wonder when the downside starting. Not to sound negative but it is a theory of Yin & Yang, without the shadow how can there be light? Well, strange thoughts at 3am. Better stop ranting now.
I am busy with many things now. Doing freelance for friends and trying to save up Andenough for Japan. Meanwhile I'm also trying to make some lifestyle changes like trying to stop myself from spending so much. Trying to pay off my credit cards, trying alot of other things. It's not easy with my credit bills, but well it's the first step...
And so while taking baby steps towards the 'real adult life', I will continue to stay strong and soldier on. I am blessed with good friends and luck. I will survive this big bad world!!!
Listening to: Fish Leong - Chung Zai (I thinks) Feeling: Like I've burnt a few bras I don't know about you guys but starting a new job isn't exactly what I wanna do every two years or so... The hassle of getting used to a new system, trying to remember a few thousand new names is just too taxing for my brain. But then again, change is something everyone needs to go through so I'm gonna soldier on.
After 2 and a half years working in a magazine, the decision to head over to Bintang *doing a very different type of writing no less* made everyone look at me as though I was KLAZY. Few nasty and negative comments aside, I went on with it. I have Seems & WP to thank for knocking some sense into my head as I wanted to forgo Bintang for something else less challenging. WP whipped out her notepad and pen *a proper journalist should always keep one handy in purse* and started calculating the benefits and Seem's ultra destructive stare did it. I decided to give myself a go by doing Bintang. Trust me, I shat bricks amongst other things. It was a scary decision. It was intimidating but I told myself, what scares me usually will work out and what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Damn positive right? hurhur
So fast forward to the last week at the office, the HW Girls (tm) gave me a farewell fit for a Queen. After all, I was the first one to make it out. *this is starting to sound like Prison Break season 8* I had a week-long celebration. I love them all and I knew from the moment I decided to leave I will miss them. I will miss The Office. The familiar faces, sounds and smell of The Office. My last day, well technically my official last day was on Thursday but I came back to finish my work and cleaned up my desk, was a blast. Again the gang took me to George and the Dragon in Bangsar Shopping Center and I passed out. For half an hour. How embarrassing. I.Fucking.Passed.Out.Ala.Bali. Floor open up and swallow me now. Never, ever gonna drink EVER AGAIN!!11!111!!!
I came back over the weekend to clean out my desk. As I separated old press releases to recycle I thought, how easy it was to just throw off 3 years of memories but to forget the experiences and people I've met it was almost just impossible. At the end of the clearing out (It took me two days!), my desk for almost 3 years was empty and bare. I couldn't recognise it lo!
I left the lubricant for Zoe. I'm sure she'll have better use for it then me
I looked back one last time and took this picture before leaving. So sad. I was glad to leave but sad that I have to leave everything else behind. I still meet HW Girls (tm) up for lunch. And it has only been two weeks since I left. And so many more things had happened since. Funny that now that I'm detached from the situation but still feel very much part of everything. Guess you can't just go and immediately forget about everything that had happened.
Had a week long 'holiday' before I started at Bintang. Was crazy busy with freelance that I hope will let me earn enough money for Japan. The week just flew by. Did everything I needed to do *except for washing my car* and met up with people I've not seen for yonks and braced myself for the dreaded first day.
Sunday came and still went out for drinks. I guess realization had yet to sink in. Slept pretty late and predictably, woke up a little late. Got a red packet from Mom for luck *my mom is so cute cause she observes all these traditions* and I sped off in top speed with just enough time to buy my daily coffee and managed to have a ciggie before I reach my new office. It's nearer than my previous office therefore finishing a ciggie before I enter the building is actually quite impossible unless I light up right after I leave my house.
As I took the lift up to the HR Dept. I thought how different it was to the old office. I actually have to take a LIFT up to my office as opposed to walking up the stairs back in the old days. Unfamiliar faces greet me. Then it set in that I have left comfort zone. This is as uncomfortable as it gets. I have to wait for almost 20 minutes for a briefing. A BRIEFING? Yes a briefing of whos who, rules and regulation. A little bit on Union laws (huh?), it took almost an hour. By the time my friendly HR guy took me to my office floor to meet my new boss, I was freaking out.
My eyes were glazed over from the lack of nicotine and caffeine. I guess I had the deer caught in headlights look cause my boss asked if I needed coffee... hah! We went for coffee and ciggies. Then went for lunch and totally got geeked out by this transponder thingy that we use to exit and enter the parking. Sure beats having to double park all the time.
I left the office at 5pm on my first day. Apparently it's the norm if you don't have work, you can go home. Wow.. I can live with that. 4 days passed in a blur. Things I found out in this short 4 days...
1. You can only smoke outside the building, where everyone who comes in gets a clear view who's gonna die soon from lung cancer. I only smoke during lunch and make it up by trying to jam as many sticks into my mouth. (KIDDING!)
2. Coming in at 10.30am is A-OH-KAY. Yippee. Just get your work done...
3. I get my own computer terminal (phew) and cannot do msn. I gtalk now
4. There are specific programmes for assignments, leave approvals, internal msging system and online archives. We even have a library...
5. People on my floor has the age average of 35. Maybe 40. But all really nice people.
6. I am a 'funky' dresser. Wait till they see the mag people.
7. Everyone wears slacks and shirts. Except for me.
8. I got a window seat. And a wonderful view of other windows. Groovy!
9. My desk is so small. Only half of my previous one. :(
10. My desktop plays music. But no one listens to music. And I played Spice Girls today really softly after playing 'The best of 1990s' for the past 3 days. Cannot tahan. Wait till I burn my Japanese pop. I think the sub that sits in front of me will cry.
All in all, culture shock for the first few days which was understandable. Now I have to try to adjust my sleeping time to a more normal timing. I am still sleeping at 4am. And waking up at 9.30 if I'm lucky. Eyebags are gonna sag lower than my boobs if I don't stop doing this.
Listening to: Ashley Simpson - Just let me cry Feeling: Lighter...
In my first of many post that I hope to come after this, is a Meme from His Majesty DramaQ himself. I feel obliged to answer as my one and only reader demands... Here you go...
5 Things Things You Didn't Know About Pink
Pink is a horder In her recent cleaning craze, she cleared out half the room and garbage bags that was accumulated = 13 bags. Useless stuff like old magazines, mangas she bought out of boredom and didn't like were the main victims.
Pink thinks deep thoughts Well, the operative word here is 'thinks'. Usually topics like global warming and politics gets time during tea with Seems, gets wiki-ed the moment she gets home and promptly forgets within the next ten minutes... Well, like they all say, it's the thoughts that counts!
Pink likes doing the homely stuff Like knitting, cross stitching, beading and baking. For those who thinks she can't cook to save her life, know that she's not doing it only because she is lazy.
Pink is a typical Gemini Geminians are two faced people. Just like how Pink can be a cheerful girl in front of her friends, she can be a grumpy bitch at home. Or how she can be spouting typical dumb blonde comments and make insightful ones in her next sentence... Yeah.. two faced, multi faceted, whatever.
Pink falls asleep within a second That's why she only sleep real late because she thinks rolling around in bed is a waste of time. Therefore she waits till she is super sleepy before going to bed.
Part 2.
1 Which feature do you zoom in on when you meet a guy for the first time? His smile.. Have to be happy ma.. if not how to counter my super mood swings? I love a deep voice and laugh too!!
2. Who is your role model? My mom for her patience, Seems because she is just so super, Ange Jolie for being a hot mamma
3. What's the healthiest thing you would eat among sushi, salad and sandwich? Sushi please!
4. Which movie you can watch again and again? Sound of Music. (DAMN RIGHT!)
5. Three gadgets that you can't live without? Laptop, phone, PsP
6. What is your most annoying habit? Bursting into a song whenever and whereever...
7. What's one thing you're glad you've outgrown? Insecurity about my size...
8. I get nervous when... Deadline's looming or money running short.
9. My biggest fear is... Being without a job
10.The best thing I've done for myself is... Cleaning out my room
11. Pass this meme to 6 people. I shall spare a million people from doing this and end it here!
Listening to: Taylor Swift - Teardrops on my guitar Feeling: Wanna get back to my psp If anyone actually noticed, I have not been updating my blog. Well, please blame Miss Jodi Picoult who writes the most fantastic courtroom dramas. And also Monster Hunter Freedom and Patapon on PsP... It's so damn unbelievably evil. I am not even watching anime on crunchyroll.com anymore and had been sleeping close to 4am everyday (Yes, even on working days)
I am also obsessed with Taylor Swift's Teardrops On My Guitar. It's so damn emo and it's on repeat. Like for the past hour... Crap... gotta switch to another song soon before I sing it in my sleep...
Just got back from drinks with Jye, Fun and Drama. I am so going to Japan next year! Gotta save up and cut down on food cause apparently the toilets in the hotel is so small. I won't be able to squeeze my fat ass onto the throne if I continue eating like a normal person, so therefore, I have to diligently spend more time in the gym.
Well, speaking of the gym, I skipped a week's worth. I HAVE TO GO BACKKKKK... Getting so damn lazy if you know what I mean...
Loads of happenings this one whole month. Neglected my blog so much really because of my brand spanking new pink PsP.. *hearts*
Chinese New Year came and went... Actually one of the best CNYs I ever had. Drove down from Hometown on the first day to celebrate Fun's bday at Skybar. It was pretty funny cause we tried surprising her. I guess we half succeeded when she stared at us blur-ly and gawked. I told her that me and Sarah N decided to go back to our hometowns.
Make a wish!
View from Traders Hotel's Skybar. Premium price for a premium view
Drinks and such
Couldn't get better pictures because we all forgot to bring our cameras, so pardon the graininess...
Back to the CNY action, me and sis got all glammed up for the First Day of CNY Obligated Ang Pau Collection Trip. Hotness! It was boiling in Hometown...
Hometown was boring, no kakis to go for mamak talkcock sessions with. Ciggies have to be smoked in secrecy (as in, drive out to the nearest secluded area for a puff). Everyday is filled with eating, sleeping and psp gaming (that I didn't mind) but I felt so damn fresh after my long holiday. It was just heavenly!
Bro being an idiot as usual
Got back to the office with fresh minds, only to be stressed out again within the next half an hour. Oh well, that's just the way work is...
And then this car drove up to our office... Just had to snap a picture of it cause it's just too cool...
Miss Boss and it's the initials of my managing editor, Boss
We did a flower shoot for one of our issues and omg.. so pretty! One of my favourites... It's pink tulips with white pretty flowers. We got to keep it after the shoot and for the first time in three years, I have fresh flowers on my table!
It lasted for 3 days, longer than what I had expected! Love love love them!
I wish I can have this once a week!
Have I ever mentioned that I have a new Love?
That's my new love of my life, Dino... He's mighty pleased with his new home
Me and Seems had also started going on this fitness ritual we try to keep every week. We bring Dino to the Taman Tun park every Sunday for walks. It's a beautiful shaded park that is pet friendly. Dino loves it!
We bring Dino out for walks when me and Seems can wake up on Sundays
The dog goes wild there while me and Seems try not to pass out from the heat.
It's super hard work ok, walking the dog...
Apart from that... I recently went to Crystal Jade's restaurant food review.
Crazy expensive shark's fin soup that is crazy good... see the WHOLE pieces of fin floating in the soup?
It might not look it, but that bowl (like your ordinary rice bowls la) is almost RM120 each. I know how some people is against shark's fin but really, I have to give that one bowl a try. It's superior sharks fin in shark bone soup. Yummy as hell and the fins are in strips... Like, ONE whole strip contains all that tiny bits of sharks fin in one HUGE bowl of soup you have in your Chinese ten course dinners. I had never had anything like that in my life! Damn sinful ok... We had almost a 20 course lunch that day. Pink went back to the office a happy girl that day.
I swear and pledge not to have sharks fin soup for my wedding dinner. I enough of sharks fin from that lunch to last me a whole lifetime!
More to update soon... Need to sleep before the sun rises!
Listening to: Norah Jones - Nightingale Feeling: Filled with HOPE Chinese New Year came and is now coming to an end. The year of the Rat is so far so good!
Nothing much happened these few weeks. I guess after that angst-filled post (I blame it on the pre-crimson wave) I have felt much better. In fact, felt better after a day. It's funny how I get so angry and the next second feel fantastically mellow. Another mysterious trait of the Gemini?
Go figure...
Chinese New Year flew by with my PsP. I love my PsP.
Valentine's Day is not such a big fucking deal this year. Got used to it? Not sure... Went my aunt's place to 'Pai Tin Gong' (the eve of the 9th day of Chinese New Year, a Hokkien big all day. Read all about it here...) and gambled some. Every year, our whole family will gather in my Aunty Fan's house for this Hokkien celebration to ask for blessings from the heavens. (though we are Hakka... nothing wrong with extra blessings right?) To Aunty Fan's husband, this celebration is extremely important and there will be, without fail, a mother of all pigs roasted to crisp perfection on the altar. And right after all that joss stick burning and asking for 4D numbers, that pig will be chopped up and divided amongst all the guests... Almost like Hari Raya Korban, except for the pig. (instead of a cow) We would of course get Aunty Wan, to fire up the wok to bang up some sugar and soy sauce siu yuk. Really, no one does it better than her. *hearts*
As Valentine's Day coincided with this auspicious day, I guess someone took that as a sign to propose to his girlfriend la... As me and bro drove down the LPD to get our ass to our aunt's place, we saw a hugeass billboard with a picture of a geeky guy holding a ring (a RM14K ring, we found out later on national newspaper. Hope it's Tiffany!) with just two lines on it.
'KELLY TAN X XXX WILL YOU MARRY ME?'
Me and bro face faults... ciggies dropped. What the... this kinda cute geek (after thought laaa) just spent about RM20k (RM40k as the national newspaper reported day after) on a billboard to propose? I would had said Yes without him even asking... Kelly is a lucky girl (all female population in Malaysia nods in agreement)
Felt so J ok... But my mission is to look for a man first la... How to get proposal if no man kan?
Anyhooosss
Back to me... Found out that both Aunt Jess and Aunt Jackie are coming back this year! How's that for a Happy New Year? Also found out that Aunty Jackie reads my blog...
Holla Aunty Jackie! And if you're wondering if Mom and Dad knows if I smoke. They do. Grandma doesn't. Please don't tell! Grandma thinks I'm 6 this year, and sometimes denial is bliss! I don't want her to disown me.
And discovered that a long break does wonders to your work productivity. I am happy to announce that I don't have writer's block anymore. Loving it!
Got bored with facebook. Realized that after I took down my hawt picture people don't want to add me as friends anymore and no one clicks on me in the 'Are you interested?' application.(used to get on an average 5 a day) Feel so disgusted by fake people ok...
Went back to the gym today after a one month hiatus. It's a terrible feeling ok? I felt so tired and my lungs weren't cooperating with me after that! I swear not to slip out of the routine ever again! The start-up part is just too hard! While pedaling my life away, saw a special on cockroaches... Can you believe there are people who keep these disgusting things as pets? And it takes two weeks of radiation to kill them completely? (as opposed to human, two days) And they can live without their heads for a week and only because they are not getting any water as they have no mouths to drinks? Female roaches can produce up to 10 thousand offsprings in their lifetime? And their average lifespan is 2 years and are mature to mate after 6 months?
Eww...
Peeps, you heard it from Pinky first!!!
And, developed an unhealthy addiction to MADtv and Bobby Lee (super kawaii!). Can't sleep because I wanna watch them all. Man this is bad!
Meeting tomorrow's at 9.30am, which means I need to be in the office by 8.30am to get everything in place.That means I should be awake by 7.30am It's 2.34am now.
It was a time of troubles as well. My job wasn't going too well and all I could do was shut myself in the tiny toilet of the office with tears wetting my ugly black slacks and equally ugly pair of black court shoes to sms you about the painful death I wish my boss would die of.
