I AM WORTH IT GOD DAMNIT!!!

Listening to: Janet Jackson - I get so lonely
Feeling: Caffeinated


Sorry Ayammana, no nasty post yet... Maybe sometime soon.. no time to blog nowadays...

So anyways, it's 11.21pm... 39 minutes till Merdeka Day.. Need to run off to shower before picking Sarah N, Kst and G up before going off to meet Fun and Jay. Had a long talk with Seems and Sarah S about my situation and decided that killing people with kindness is the way to go.

"You're not worth the money I'm paying you. You do the least in the whole team" kept ringing in my head as I picked up the phone to call Fun to ask her if her new company wants to hire someone... Right after that after all the heat subsided I realized that I will truly miss the magazine if I go. About 7pm, the other company called me up for an interview. After talking to him I was even more troubled. I'm gonna miss the team, I'm gonna miss the work and the company.

Seems suggested that I should try meta-meditation where you wish the person all the best an give that person your happy vibes so that person will treat you better. I am going to give that a try and improve on myself. Shall come in at 9am everyday and put in all my stories on time. Shall not complain when people ask me to loan stuff last minute. Shall smile to her whenever possible and shall be even nicer to her. Maybe somewhere in between she'll feel bad and change.

Will not leave because of her when I really love my work. Shall keep my passion *FIRE!* to a maximum... So easy to say... I hope it's easy to do as well...

Because I know I am worth it...

Happy Merdeka everyone... I am working tomorrow T.T

Daphne, oh, Daphne...

Listening to: Franz Ferdinand - Take me out
Feeling: I wanna go home!

Well, because Miss Daphne Iking said "Tak aci, never put my picture up in your blog wan" (OK, she didn't exactly say that, so I am not quoting her ok?) here is it... Suddenly remembered that Shuk Yin sent me two pictures with all of us in it taken during our Hong Kong trip so posting it up here loe...

(L-R) Sheila the cutie, Daphne the gilar, May the sweetie, Shawn the shopaholic, Shuks the long lost college mate, me... and OMG, that's me looking REALLY pathetic at the back.. Wait till I go back to my mac and zoom it in plus put in red ballon to make everyone notice me!

(L-R) Wong with his arse to the camera, Daphne, Sheila, Shawn, me and pink bag, May, Shuk. Taken at The Peak, Hong Kong. Nice right?

I have to admit that I was reluctant to put this beautiful lady's picture because I was afraid that she might not like ma... But then again, she is like the nicest person...

When I first met her in the airport, I was kinda freaked out because you know... she's a celeb and everything but turns out that she is so gila-gila and fun. Totally made the whole trip super fun. My only regret was that didn't take pictures of her going all nuts in Madame Tussaud's. *giggles*

Still in office, feeling abit sad that I don't have life no more. Looking at G who is using my colleague's computer and attempting to blog. *sniggers* Turned out that she accidently deleted the whole thing after spending like about an hour typing...

*dies laughing!!!!* Suddenly realized that my night was not so boring after all... TA!

Enough about me, let's talk about me s'more!

Listening to: The Fray - Over my head
Feeling: Poor...


I am so effing poor that I have no money to buy ciggies. So sad, had to bum ciggies off G and then inhale other people's second hand smoke to satisfy my disgusting habit. I gotta stop smoking sometime soon... If I get any poorer I would have to dig into the dustbin to look for cigarette butts that are hopefully good for at least two puffs. Sad sad sad! I need to get my claims soon to buy lunch! SNIFF!!!!

OK, back to the main topic... Recently, I realized that some people out there are so fucking obsessed with themselves that they can't stop talking about themselves for even a few seconds. I mean, you can do that when you're blogging cause IT'S MY BLOODY BLOG FOR GOD'S SAKE and readers can decide whether they want to read or not. My friends are forced to read this least I disown them Well, sorry I digress...

Anyway, back to this breed of people.

I guess it's alright to talk about yourself sometimes... I mean, we do it all the time. But you know there are signals when you should stop. Take this for an example...

Me: *yakyakyakyakity yak about some Japanese gay men going round scaring people in the streets of Tokyo*

Gem: *Looks bored but pretends to be interested*

Me: *Continues yakking without noticing Gem is about to burst into tears of boredom*

G: *Looks at me and Gem, amused and suddenly bursts out laughing* Eh, can't you see that she is so bloody bored? Give her a break.. She don't care la!

Me: Huh? Butbutbutbut, I thought she was interested!

Gem: *Giving an amused but painful smile* Well... You were so into it so I didn't want to cut your steam la...

Me: *Wilts in embarrassment*

*Sorry guys, I've learnt my lesson*

Maybe that was not a good example because I was not talking about myself... Maybe this will be a better one...

Me: You know, about that whole ban on liquid on planes because there was some crazy terrorist plan is just scary...

Friend1: Yeah, you know... I didn't realize that these bomb things are so high tech... And to think that you can't even bring milk on board... Man, it makes you think how evil people are nowadays...

Friend2: YEAH! I once brought milk onboard as well, but you know not because I had a kid but because I wanted to do this facial mask on the plane with it. I was so bored in the plane! I had to watch this movie like 3 times before we landed... And when we reach our location we checked in and straight away went shopping and you know what I bought? Like the whole frigging suitcase... *I shall not bore everyone with this but I guess you catch my drift?*

Me and F1: *WTF face*

Really, what the hell... I mean, this is just an example and the above conversation didn't transpire (thank god) but something like that did really happen over the weekend... Really, I cannot stand this person for doing the whole 'Enough about me, let's talk about me s'more' attitude... There are times when this particular friend has the cheek to stop us in the middle of a conversation and ask 'Are you done with what you're talking about?' and launches into some totally unrelated and in my honest opinion, totally pointless something about herself...

As she was talking, I can feel myself detaching myself from my body and there I was, floating above the table and I see two totally bored girls with a slight twitch on their faces while the ME girl continues on and on totally oblivious to the fact that her two friends are so tuned out...

To me it's like this; if you have this big problem you wanna discuss and moan over go ahead and go into 'ME' mode. It's totally understandable, but if you just want to be in the centre of the conversation but have nothing intelligent to contribute here's a suggestion... SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN! Maybe you might learn something that you could use in the future.. or even better, try reading the newspaper and maybe then you might have something more interesting to think and discuss the next time...

And if that person thinks that talking about herself is so effing interesting, maybe that person should talk to the mirror... After all, you're your own best audience.

FUH! Feel so much better after spewing this out...

Do some charity lah!

Listening to: Sergio Mendes feat. BEP - Mas Que Nada
Feeling: The Friday blues. Happy that it's the weekend but unhappy because there are so many things to do before Monday.

In case you guys have yet to notice, I have totally ho-ed my blog to Google.

I'm sorry but I really need the money help me buy my new phone by clicking on the ads. *psst... honestly, I really don't know how it works... but just click loe*

Download the Picasa program at the bottom of the page for quicker picture upload. I think you can even chat on it.

So remember, use the search toolbar; if you need Picasa - download here; if you can and have the time, click on some of the ads... You might find something hawt here! *besides me of course*

Flattened I mean, Flattered

Listening to: Random chinese music from some random computer
Feeling: Sleepy

Yesterday I received this uplifting email from Marina of the US of A. :)

First and foremost, let me explain Marina. Marina is a girl whom I knew since I was in high school. She was the coolest cat around. As in, for a 15 year old she posseses the cool collected calm of a 25 year old working woman. Needless to say, I was always in awe of her. She's smart and funny in a quiet kinda way. AND she was the only person who could stand Yews of his crazy ways.

Just when we were able to hold our own naughty conversations, she flew off to US to further her studies. Now she only comes back once a year. Marina and me, oh we had such good times...

So back to the uplifting email, she sent me this...

"Hey you!

I know this is probably long overdue or something and totally obvious, but I just finished reading a whole bunch of the posts from your blog and you are a mighty talented blogger. Your posts are fun and insightful to read...and its not just because you write about your life..but the way you word your experiences. I just felt like telling you that. Sometimes (ok...most times) I am so out of touch with stuff and I wanted to take some time to share my thoughts about this part of your life with you. By the way...good luck on the cha-cha dancing! Sounds like fun. Make sure to dance with the cute boys in class ok? Or it there are none...at least the moderately handsome ones.

Marina."

Man, that totally made my day. Marina, of all people to say so about me. Just when I wondered if I should continue writing, professionally. OK, to put it simply; I'm flattered.

Wait, let me try again.

I'M FUCKING FLATTERED.

Thanks Marina. I had like the best day yesterday. The day went on with glitches as usual but I feel the ray of hope shining on me, so I soldiered on. *stupid smile on my face*

I'm out...

One of those moments.

Listening to: Kanye West - All falls down
Feeling: Melanchonic


With sis's recent achievements, my parents are walking around with proud looks on their faces which I don't blame them for. I get kinda teary eyed too when I watch my sister perform. *She plays the guzheng by the way*

But last week, sis won this competition sponsored by this local TV station, mom practically flipped her wig. Firstly, she got nearly everyone with the same surname to watch the competition on TV. Then she got everyone with the same surname as her to watch the competition on TV. Then she managed to convince all my cousins, twice removed, to watch the TV program. And then she got ALL of my brother's friends to watch the competition on TV. I am suspecting she got some of the mamak stalls to tune into the TV station at that time.

Which was totally fine by me. Heck, I wish that mom would get everyone we know to buy Her World just cause I write for it. Until I realized that I bought tickets for Pirates of the Caribbean on the same day and will miss the broadcast. Mom didn't know that I will miss that precious broadcast because she's back in Seremban. I do truly regret it but then, I've bought the tickets already. So I went on with my plans...

Everything went well until the following Monday when we got together for dinner. They were gushing about sis as usual. Blah blah blah, and then mom turned to me and said...

Mom: Everyone supported sis so much...

Me: Ahuh

Mom: So did you watch it?

Me: *feeling really guilty and shit* Uh... No

Mom: What sort of sister are you anyway? Everyone, even your cousins called everyone they knew to watch her. And you as a sister did not?

Me:*shrinking into the size of an ant* But I bought tickets for a movie before I got to know about this

Mom: So? This is a once in a lifetime thing. Can't you forgo your stupid movie?

I was about to protest and say, 'But it's Orlando Bloom. You can't forgo Orlando Bloom.' when I realized that would sound extremely bad on me and decided to shut the fuck up and finished dinner in silence.

Suddenly I was transported back to the time I was about 10. It was my first Christmas ballet recital and we had practiced extra hard for it. Mom had grumbled when I told her that the costume would cost her about RM80 but she paid for it anyway. I had to save about RM30 to buy a ticket for my dad because I really wanted him to watch me, the prancing ballerina. I had to beg him to come to the concert. Mom thought the ticket was too expensive and told me not to get her a ticket.

I remembered I was backstage, peeping through the curtains checking to see if dad was there already. Ours was the third routine. It was all really exciting, smell of sweat and makeup all mixed up with the smell of the stage. Everyone's parents were there. Some helped to put on makeup, some just stood around, snapping pictures of their kid in cute costumes. Dad was still not there.

When it was finally time to start, our group filed onto the darkened stage and I frantically scanned the crowd and I saw Dad. He looked pretty bored and I think he was kinda drunk. The music started and I remembered dancing as I had never danced before. When it was all over, I looked at dad's direction again and I saw him clapping. I remembered that I felt so proud of myself and when he came over at the end of the recital, he said these words 'Let's go, I'm bored and tired.' I could smell that he had a few after work drinks too many. I had never felt so disappointed in my whole entire life. When I got home, mom didn't even ask how it went. I went up to my room and didn't come down till the next day.

It's just one of those moments when you wonder if you've really been adopted or picked up from the dustbin. Really, I thought I should run away and be the gypsy I was supposed to be. *that idea was courtesy of Enid Blyton books.*

Maybe mom and dad hated the idea of me doing ballet in the first place, and loved the fact that sis is excelling in something they liked. But I am glad that she is getting so much support from my parents. I'll just go on with my gypsy ways. What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

Single & Fabulous! vs Single & Fabulous?

It's Thursday night and I home by 7.30pm *gasp* feeling rather bored with nothing to do cause the girls were busy with whatever they are doing. So I decided to watch this really bad Korean show, The Wig.

I felt so depressed cause it was so bad so I decided to re-watch a few episodes of Sex and the City season 2. And there was this episode 'Single & Fabulous and I thought... 'Great! Something that I should be watching!' and watched on. Boy was I wrong to watch that episode.

First, let me define MY version of being single and fabulous. In my honest opinion, single, independent modern working girls should NOT be intimidated by the fact that we are single. It's a celebration of independence, not having to be with a man to feel happy. There is a very fine line to being a single and fabulous girl and a single and bitter girl. Knowing that you will be one day married or attached is the thin line that separates the normal and man-haters.

Carrie Bradshaw's definition was about the same; being single and fabulous girl about town is nothing to cry or moan about.

But as the episode went on, I came to realize that sometimes we tend to fake the happiness that we single and fabulous ladies claim to have simply because we, the fantastic Single and Fabulous ladies initially claim to enjoy our single status and I for one do NOT want to be the first one to admit that it gets lonely sometimes.

For the past few months, I realized that we girls do not spend as much time as we used to simply because Gem had her footie break with XBF, Sarah N and Kst is stuck to the hip and they were both busy with work as well, G had her cousins down from all over the world, Jay and Fun just got together so I guess they needed their together time. Not only that Kay is also attached, Arihito is MIA, Nini and I rarely meet up anymore *I need a break from her* and everyone else that I know I don't usually hang with.

It is times like this that makes you stop that 5th episode of CSI you had been watching in a row and wonder, 'Hey, it's Friday today. Why the hell am I home?" . These are the times when you feel that indent on your bed made by your ass and think, 'It's time to go out'.

This is not about friends abandoning anyone. It's just me wondering if it's time to get serious about this whole 'soulmate' thing.

The fact is, I had not had a serious romantic relationship in my 24 years of live and sometimes when I see friends who are happily dating with their cute little squabbles and starry eyes, I wonder how it is to be in a relationship? I've watched my share of Korean soap to be a romantic and also enough American soap to make me a cynic. What a balance, I know but how can I comment on something I have not experienced before?

Somehow I can't help but to wonder if I will end up at G's or Gem's baby full moon party with a ciggie on my right hand and a glass of wine (or beer, depending on their budget) getting a little high, alone and I see Sarah N Jr and Kst Jr running around in their cute jumpers while Nini walks table to table with her new man.

Sometimes, being with my attached friends make me feel as though I am not part of the group simply because I see them as different... It alienates me for a reason. While I was thinking of that, Carrie Bradshaw said it out loud for me. "Is being single the modern equivalent to being a leper?"

Being single automatically puts you in the same category as being a freaky fat ugly person with the wit of a three toed sloth or people might just perceive you as being a lesbian. Being single is suddenly the uncool thing. Or is it? I couldn't help but to think that sometimes. It disturbs me that some people judge by looking at your marital status. But it happens. It happens everywhere all the freaking time.

It strikes me as unfair as well, because bachelors are allowed to have such a jolly good time; swinging past their forties in flashy cars with no commitment sex and spinsters are doomed to stay in their spinster house bought with their hard earned money that they have painstakingly saved throughout their lonely and boring life. Of course there is also this stigma that spinsters has a dozen or two tabby cats as companion and knitting some sock or baby hat for their friend's grandchildren or their grand-nephews. Why can't I be a forty something spinster with champagne flute in one hand and a cigar on the other?

Then it struck me; being unattached is not about what people think about you. It is all about how you perceive yourself. If you think you're comfortable with being Single and Fab till you find someone you think compatible (That's just because we're being choosy) do it. But if you think otherwise, do something about it, like maybe go on a dating website or something.

It gets lonely, no doubt but at the end of the day I guess all you need is some faith in yourself that you will one day find happiness too. And happiness comes in so many forms; being able to do what you really like. Hanging out till 6 in the morning if you want to. Smoke and drink all you want (OK, that's bad! I'm not advocating this!). Watching that sappy movie on repeat, things like that. Not that I am saying this just because I am fabulously single and obviously fantastic... I'm saying this because I know no matter what happens, single or attached, no one will ever love you more than yourself! Agree?

Till then, I shall be at home (it's a great change, really) working on ways to love myself more.

I am so fucking-fantabulous for figuring this whole thing out! And definitely single... peace.

The above few hundred words are honest thoughts from the writer and there is absolutely no need for anyone to follow the writer's way of life

New Hobby~

I've got a new hobby!!!!!



I've just paid RM180 for 3 months worth of latin cha cha dancing...

Don't laugh ok? It's damn fun! I am so serious...

Happy

Listening to: Teriyaki Boyz - Be in Tokyo
Feeling: Sleepy and contented


Happiness is when you realize that your A/C is working again after 3 sweltering hot nights sans this household essential.

Happiness is also when you discover that mom bought your favorite meatballs by the dozen.

Smelling lavender shower gel while snuggling under covers is heavenly.

I am happy when I walk down to the kitchen in the morning and discover mom cooked breakfast. Double happiness is when she cooks my favorite stewed noodles.

Watching Howl's Moving Castle send tingles to my toes and I feel happy.

Sleeping till late makes me happy too~

I love the weekends!

Shiawase ne!

Hips don't lie

Listening to: Aaliyah - Are you that somebody?
Feeling: Extremely sleepy and lazy. I don't wanna do my work!

Yes it's true that the hips don't lie. I scarfed down a whole tube of Chipsmore hazelnut chocolate chips cookies and a whole pack of Cheezels while rolling around in my bed watching 24 yesterday. I'm so heavy now that I am sinking down to the deep dark depths of hell where people are injected with calories to eternally torture them...

OK, I am just being delirious...

And I am paranoid that I am taking on the shade of toast on the 5th setting i.e. burnt

I have one more article due and I am feeling so frigging lazyyyyyyyy!!!!!!

Hongky Tonk Hong Kong

Listening to: Mariah Carey - Underneath the Stars
Feeling: Like I don't wanna go back to work


I have no idea what the title of this post is about. Just thought it sounded pretty cool. mad laughter Anywayz, on to the post that is about 2 weeks overdue...

When Cathay Pacific decided to send someone from the magazine for their 60th anniversary birthday, my boss sent me an sms to ask me to keep the first weekend of July free for the trip. When I received the message, I nearly jumped through the roof. I ran around like a crazy chipmunk on meth and started telling anyone around that cared to hear about my virgin overseas assignment.

After a flurry of crazy running around getting my passport ready and stuff like that, I am finally due to fly to the land of Chinese soap stars and crazy shopping, Hong Kong.

Lucky me, I got to travel with the crew of NTV7's The Breakfast Show which mean I get to stay with nutty Daphne Iking, Sheila and Wong. And imagine my surprise when I got to know that the PR person in charge of taking me there was once my collegemate! :p Totally lucky that Cathay Pacific's rep was a cool hip girl who didn't mind crazy antics from me.

So I was awake bright and early for my flight (on Cathay Pacific of course, business class no less. BLISS! Excuse me for bragging, it's my first time! =.=) and as I reached KLIA, had no problems checking in. Went into the lounge area and chilled for a bit while waiting to board. Finally went onboard with no further delay. I feel so jakun-ed cause it had been about nine years since I've flown. Can't find the TV cause it was hidden somewhere, but service was excellent and the food, WONDERFUL. They serve almonds, warm and toasty before serving lunch and lunch was spectacular.

Reached Hong Kong in about three hours and we were greeted by loads of people. To be specific, loads of Chinese people. Felt abit weirded out cause I was totally not used to seeing that many Chinese people in one place. Call me racist, but it was a culture shock for me. Though I had been there before but I was prolly too young back then to feel so. So back to the airport, the Hong Kong airport was beautiful! It looked alot like KLIA (I personally think KLIA looks nicer, but that's just myself) but we had no time to hang around and admire it as we were then greeted almost immediately by our friendly tour guide, Stanley. (hope I got his name right) Stanley spoke perfect English with a slight British accent which quickly killed my assumption that all Hongkies speaks English with a funny lilting slang. As we got into the little tour bus, we were given a quick rundown on the islands of Hong Kong.

The first thing that we oooh ed over was the bridge that connects Lantau Island where the airport is situated and Hong Kong.


Pride and joy of Hong Kong

I guess Hongkies see the bridge like how we see our Petronas Twin Towers, something that is magnificent and beautiful. Gleams in the sun, tall big and really expensive to build. Tourist attraction, what-nots. It's pretty to look at and in the fading sunlight, it looked abit like the Penang Bridge. LOL...

First thing I realized was that there were loads and loads of tall buildings. According to Stanley the friendly guide, more and more tall buildings are sprouting out ever since the old airport was shut down. Why? Cause the old airport was so near houses that they couldn't be more than a certain height for the fear that the planes might take the top of the buildings off. Must be tough living in such a small country actually...


Look damn sleek, but can't imagine how much an apartment unit must have cost here

Arrived at out hotel to find that I own a store here...


LOL!

My room was wonderful! Had a nice bouncy bed with fluffy pillows (Wished that there was someone to share it with me... LOL) Unfortunately I was having such a good time that I forgot to take pictures of the hotel room. My room looks directly onto a HUGE Escada shop and a small corner of the LV store. Cute...

First day there was pretty uneventful. Had a wonderful dinner at Knutsford Terrace with a whole row of quaint restaurants. Started raining after abit and after the rain stopped we had a short after dinner stroll around the area. It was sales season and citizens of Hong Kong came out in full force for shopping sprees. No doubt clothes there were pretty cheap but the smaller shops do not allow trying of garments below a certain price. Ekk..

We were at the Peak the following day. I remembered going there the last time. We took a bus up back then and for the first time in my life, I thought I was gonna die. Steep roads and crazy double decker bus drivers are a lethal combination. This time we took the tram up. It was crazy cause it was really steep and the tram is tilting at about 40degrees.


Train tracks to heaven

Got there and went for some fun with wax. The newly opened Madam Tussaud's housed about 30 wax figurines. I managed to cam-ho/humped/insulted nearly about 20 of them.


Take that!


And that!


Say WASABI! The pop princess and me


Me and Becks... It was after all the football season then...

So after ooh-ahhing and smooching with celebs, we went back to the hotel for a yummy lunch. Those who knew me would prolly know how picky I can be when it comes to food and my immense dislike for seafood but when the dishes arrived, I knew I had to forget that I hate seafood for once.


Abalone with asparagus tips

Had some rest in between and then it was time for dinner again. Man... It was a truly busy day.


The front of the restaurant with all roast ducks and roast pork. Apparently their specialty is their roast pork but I still think the one in Seremban is better!


Dinner in Hong Kong is not complete with Tsingtao beer :p

But not too busy to cam ho abit...


No one beats me at cam-hoing... Maybe just ONE person I know you know we all know...

The next day, we some free and easy time so I went off walking alone. Guess who I bumped into?


OMFG, it's Kwong Sang WOooOoOoOooooOOoO

So cute!


That's pig's insides or something... Not sure and I was not brave enough to ask cause the aunty selling it looks pretty nasty. LOL

Got back to the hotel to find the kind people of Langham Hotel (Tsim Tsa Tsui) provided me with strawberries dipped in chocolate disguised as cute waiters... NICE!


How can you say no to this?

That kinda wrapped up my trip to Hong Kong. Totally eventful and busy but can't reveal too much until the article is published. All I can say is that Cathay Pacific is totally wicked. So if you're gonna fly to Hong Kong or anywhere from Hong Kong anytime soon, I totally recommend it. Air stewardess was hot, the air stewards we saw were totally hot too but unfortunately they weren't serving us. Sigh... What luck.


Proof that stewards in Cathay Pacific is all cute! HELLOOOOO YUMMY BABY! Are you gay?

Food onboard was YUM... all outgoing flights from Hong Kong will have a special menu direct from seven popular restaurants from Hong Kong so if you missed out on the local delicacies and specialties while staying at there, you still have one last chance at Cathay Pacific!


Byebye Hong Kong and hello KL...

*P/S: I am so not totally whoring Cathay Pacific. I swear!*

We heart Pulau Kapas!

Listening to: Sound of the AC
Feeling: Like I've left my heart at Pulau Kapas


I'm back from my holiday in beautiful Pulau Kapas and while the smell of the sea is still in my hair, I would like to proclaim my love for the perfect tropical paradise Pulau Kapas is.

Pictures to be uploaded as soon as I can and a whole post on it and how I am planning to make Kapas my second home. :p

That is right after my post on Hong Kong of course! :)

Me, not someone's daughter

Listening to: Ah Sang - Ye Zi
Feeling: Like I wanna go for a holiday PRONTO

Today I received a phone call from Jay

Jay: Hoi, call Fun for me like now. Hurry phone no battery. Call her now for me. Hurry la. Tell her I'm downstairs

Me: Huh? UH.. ok...

*dial tone*

What the hell was that? Dude... Look, I don't mind looking out for friends, but sometimes there is a limit to it.

Take that phone call from Jay as an example. Fun is his girlfriend that we all know. But has he ever thought that I might not be free to convey his message to his girlfriend or maybe just a little hello at the beginning of the conversation would be really nice.

I hate it when guys take it for granted when their female friends are not female at all. And then it pisses me off even more when they get a girlfriend and treat their girlfriend like goddesses like that. Not that I am bitter. I swear to God I am not but with the amount of back-slapping and rough horse plays that I've gotten from my guy friends I am beginning to think that I am all but just a guy to them.

Sometimes it feels like, "OK, Pink's not a girl anyway cause she can so take care of herself. Just let her walk to her car la. It's only on Basement2 with no guards around. Look at her also no one wanna kidnap. Kidnap also dunno how to carry her away. Remember what happened when some poor bastard tried to rob her? He was sat on by her. Sure die wan... Poor thief."

Well, just want to establish the fact that I want some molly coddling too sometimes.

Don't ask me to take care of your girlfriend while you're away. I ain't gonna be no one's bodyguard. Not even Whitney Houston's.

Don't ask me to go get the car in the dark because I am scared too. I get freaked out by things that go bump at night.

Don't ask me to catch the thief because I can't run too fast. When I was robbed the last time, I was scared too.

Don't think that I can do everything myself. I do things myself because I have to and it is so frequent that I am used to it already. Someone to help me out would be good sometimes.

Don't assume that I am a strong person just because I seem like one. I am not. I cried when Bambi's mom died too. Plus I cried throughout Grave of the fireflies. AND I cried throughout 40 episodes of Stairway to Heaven. I have overactive tear ducts, so sue me!

And let me quote this "I'm not your superwoman, I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down and think that everything's OK, Boy I am only human"

And GOD-DAMNIT, I AM A GIRL SO FREAKING TREAT ME LIKE ONE!

Time after time

Listening to: Fatman Scoop feat Lumidee - I wanna dance
Feeling: Sleepy

Looking at the calendar, I've just realized that it's already July. Scary how time flies when you're having fun. Right, fun. Hahahahaha...

Working in the magazine line keeps you 3 months ahead as in we are now working on the October issue. Actually, we are already discussing December. Scary ain't it? Can't take it when you think, OK, it's already October and yay... New Year's coming...

Your timing goes a bit woozy and the year ends a few months earlier.

When I first joined, I felt really disorientated. Even now, I sometimes mix the dates up. It's so weird cause when I was in the agency, I have to remember every single day because every single freaking day is a deadline. It's just a matter of which job is due. I never had the problem of oversleeping as well. No matter how late (or early, as in AM) I sleep, I will still be awake by 7.45am and be at work by 8.30am eventhough work starts only at 9am. Now? I praise Guan Yin everytime I wake up by 9. LOL...

With the magazine, days blend into nights and sometimes it feels as though there is no concept of time. The only time is deadline and that's the end of every month.

Sigh... See how a job can totally change you?

Death by sugar

Listening to: Nelly Furtado - Maneater
Feeling: A fever coming along


So G and me decided to drown our sorrows and since we were both cheap AND poor (what a great combo) Your Royal Highness, i.e. me decided to go to TGI Friday's. It's Monday, I freaking know but when a girl needs to drown her sorrow and is so fucking broke, she goes for bottomless ice lemon tea. Yes. Ice lemon tea. Fuck the Long Island Tea. It ain't too good and sets you back by at least RM23 plus tax, tips and what nots. Bottomless ice lemon tea is the new Cosmopolitans baby... (psst... it's only RM6.90 sans tax)

Two sad and bitter 24 year OLD LADIES bitching about men, drinking ice lemon tea and smoking menthols is not a great sight but man... it certainly did do the job. We walked feeling brand new and man hating. Now I wanna go for some lap dances. OK, just joking, it will take Angelina Jolie to turn me into a lesbo. Sorry to disappoint...

OK people, I'm back after being a whiny bitch for a week. Hallelujah! Savour it now, cause it might not last long.

I want my rights to Love and Cry

Listening to: Ah Sang - Ye Zi
Feeling: Like a shit stirrer


I am feeling really bad now... Have you ever felt as though you want to help. Nothing else but to help but then you hit a wall and you feel as though you've made it worst?

Today, I feel like I am the worst person in this whole wide world. Not that I want sympathy from anyone or anything but it hit me that I might be the person who over-reacted.

Well, story is this *drama ensues.. consider yourself warned*

Once upon a time, P-Chan fell in love with A. P-Chan knows that A will never ever consider her, but they became fast friends. P-Chan knows that A's requirement for a girl is way too high than what she could ever be but they really do click as they liked the same things. Friends asked P-Chan if she liked A but P-Chan never did say yes because she didn't want to fall into the same trap she did a year back. So she denied and in the process, she lied to herself.

So after a year or two of drinking sessions and long nights spent talking over nonsense and topics of great importance, P-Chan brought B along for drinks one day. B clicked with A as well, she was glad as A had never liked mixing with P-Chan's group of friends. A had known B for some time but never really got to know each other, so P-Chan felt glad that they hit it off immediately.

By this time, P-Chan had confided to B that she's got some feelings for A and B had also let it slip that she's got some feelings for A too. P-Chan thought of it as nothing and just went along with things. Then P-Chan realized that A might have feelings for B too *Freaking classic right?* and confronted A only to hear A denying it.

In a way, P-Chan felt selfish and relief washed over her but she knew that both liked each other. She decided to hint A...

"If you're interested, the time is now" she said.

And A decided to try it out. B accepted.

When P-Chan got to know about it, she felt happy, sad, bitter, uncomfortable, selfish and giving at the same time...

"If it's not her, it won't be me anyway. Hope for the best."

Naturally, P-Chan decided to stay away. After all, it hurts to see A and B feeling so happy. She was ashamed she felt that way. But she did. B wanted P-Chan to be included in everything they did but what she didn't understand was the fact that P-Chan didn't want to. In the end P-Chan went along, looking away every time they hold hands or have their own private conversation.

"Couldn't B be a little more tactful and understand I can't do this?" P-Chan thought, heart breaking in tiny pieces

After that, P-Chan tries to avoid both A & B. A & B got angry, A particularly as P-Chan had always been his biggest supporter. P-Chan couldn't explain to him that she likes him and it breaks her little heart to go out with them. P-Chan knows she was the Cupid to both of them, but had no preparation to feel like so.

Back to present day...

I asked him if he was mad at me after he didn't reply to my MSN messages on SMS and he replied a whole long one asking me if I am frustrated at something. I didn't know how to explain to him so I said that I just want to give him and her space. And he replied saying that something obviously changed and that change was me. He don't want no special treatment. And he claims to know everything. (Meaning my feelings for him? No one knows) He just wants it to be normal, 'We just need to have the old you back"

That's when I got really emo... It's so granted that I can take this all in at once. It's so granted that I am alright... Since he said that he knows everything and he understands how I feel now, can't he understand that I need space and maybe the right to be sad. Can't I cry? Can't I complain? Can't I have someone's shoulder to lean on? *Thanks G, shoulder much appreciated* Sometimes I wonder if I am given the rights to feel sad...

I know I know I know that it's got nothing to do with both of them but I feel really shitty about myself now... thus why i said I am such a shit stirrer. I should have just done what I do best, act and none of this would have happened.

I am sorry for this mess...

Opps I....

Listening to: No Doubt - Running
Feeling: Not too good

I guess I did something wrong when I said goodbye yesterday. I dunno what he thought. I was too afraid to think of what he was thinking. I didn't want this to happen.

Do I have to explain why I did?

"You were the one who told me to try it out with her?"
He said so...

It's true. I did tell him that but maybe I didn't anticipate whatever that might happen at that time. That was my bad.

"What's your point?"
I asked. What's the point exactly when he ask me this? I really had no idea

I had to explain... Can't tell him the truth. I had to tell a half truth to protect myself... maybe to protect him as well

"Remember what I had explained to you? When a guy friend gets a girlfriend, girl {space} friend stays away for a while. This is to avoid misunderstanding"
It was true. I had explained the dynamics of a complicated normal girl and boy to him prior to this. That's how we swing.

No answer from him after that.

I guess I did it again. It's like a defence mechanism I cannot stop. So, I brought this upon myself.

Great...

Westwood

Listening to: Ah Sang - Ye Zi
Feeling: I did it again

Yeap, that's Viviene Westwood... All for you Bitch'in



Eat this Bitch'in

Pain

Listening to: DJ Shadow - Six Days
Feeling: Weird


Itai

If you're gonna ask if it's painful, I would be lying if I said no.

Hurts like a bitch.

Feels so weird...

Have you ever felt as though you've lost the ability to cry? I'm feeling that now and I feel bloated.

Crap...

Wish me luck!

What's left of me...

Listening to: Mika Nakashima - Cry no more
Feeling: Empty

I am a L-O-S-E-R...

Confirm.

Super Confirmed...

Confirmed a few times edy...

But I shouldn't allow that to bother me... *peasu sign*

But...

Easier said than done.

Sigh