Thursday, September 29, 2005

Heartache, heartbreaks. Who's gonna pick up the pieces?

Listening to: The Corrs - Don't say you love me
Feeling: Emo-ish *Beware!*

After a long day at work, I thought I deserved a venti sized latte, (like every other day, seriously this coffee habit of mine has got to stop unless Starfucks wanna use me as an ambassador, or something). Nini decided that she should drop by and say hie.

Now, when girls say they will drop by to say hie.. it is always more than just a hie. We sat there from 6.30 till 10, finished a pack of 20s Malboro Menthol Lights. Nini had the bulk. I was afraid that her lungs would give out. Sigh.. she says that her smoking has nothing to do with her current love problems. And she expected me to believe that.. Great. Now I have to pretend that I am naive too..

So we were going on about things *That shall not be mentioned, because it is her problem, and I've got to respect her privacy* and the subject suddenly landed on me and SD6.

Nini: So, how's it going between you and him?

Me: Same same, he's not calling me anymore. Or SMS-ing. Or anything at all..

Nini: Why?

Me: Well, it could be because of idiot me telling him to give me some time?

Nini: What?

Me: Yeah, he sent me a message saying sorry for whatever that had happened and I told him to give it some time...

Nini: *looks on*

Me: *Starts sniffling* I mean, he's not even anyone to me.. I mean, I'm not anyone to him. I'm just a friend. Who am I to cry? Who am I to question what he does?

***Major emo outburst. Consider yourself warned***

Nini: So kelian *pats me on head*

Me: *Tearing like I've inhaled wasabi* I just wonder, what had happened... between us. I think about it everyday. Is it because I have nothing to say to him anymore? Was it because I feel sam tam that he is back and, and we're worst off. While he was away, we were even closer. After everything that had happened, we go downhill now? It's really, a really bad feeling.

Nini: *looks on with tears in eyes. Sniff, Nini, I hearts you for bearing with me on this.*

Me: I remember there was this time before we left, we went out for supper and we stayed out till late talking about things that might happen after he leaves. I still remember it clearly. We were sitting on the curb, in front of McD's because they kicked us out. His last words were 'I hope we can still talk like this after I'm back' and I said 'Of course!! Baka, of course'. And now, look what happened? *sucks in tears, cause thou shalt not cry in public. Especially in Starfucks*

Nini: Cry it out la... It feels much better after that *hands me Starfucks serviettes*

Me: *Indah Water's dam burst* Ugh.. this feeling damn shitty. So many things happening at the same time. So many things.. I don't need this.

Nini: *hands me more serviettes, after all serviettes at Starfucks is free*

Me: So stupid, *sniffles* why am I even crying about this. Not that it would help... *sniffles s'more* But... HEY, I do feel better after this.. I think it's the water retention.

And so the rain stops.

But the heartbreak doesn't end there.

I feel I'm not the same jovial person anymore. Even when I laugh I wonder when my mask would crack.


Damn water retention!!! *shakes fist*


LadyGem said...

*eyes tears up*
*shakes fist*
Damn you, Pink... Make me so sad early morning...
I don't even know if I'm tearing bcos it's sad or bcos I have to strain my eyes to read your awefully smalls fonts.
But AMEN to girlfriends "dropping by to say hi". We need an emo talk once awhile and let the river dam flow free.

Jasu said...

i go click on hugs.

Pinkity said...

Sniff~ You guys are like the super greatest! Sniff... Kst~ Thanks for clicking/hugz 17 times.