What would you do?

Listening to: Guang Liang - Tong Hua
Feeling: Hot and sticky like hell

"Everyone comes to me with their problems" he had told me once. "Who should I go to with my problems? I thought about it and realized that I could only turn to you"

Who should I turn to then?

I know I can turn to Gem, G, Sarah N and Nini but then how long would they want to listen to my mad rantings bitching? Sometimes when I need someone to talk to late at night, I could only turn to myself.

He had asked me once, "Why does it seem like you have no problems at all?" I wanted to answer him "Because the problems I have mainly stems from you" but refrained. Instead, I told him "You yourself choose to see if you have a problem or not. If you think you don't have that big a problem, you wouldn't really talk about it"

Selfless? Maybe just stupid.

Sometimes I wonder, things that I had done for him... Does he realize that I had done for him? Things like being a zombie the next morning because he called me to talk at 3am and it has to be at least 2 hours before we put down the phone or putting aside whatever I am doing to talk to him?

Of course I know that I had been a willing partner in doing all these things. After all, it takes two to tango. But the thought... The thought that I had been doing all these things, that I was so stupid was fascinating.

I told Gigi yesterday that I was really disappointed that things had to turn out the way it turned out to be and I really wanted the easy way out. I want to stay away from him. Break off all contact from him, ignore his messages and pretend not to hear his call. It breaks my heart because I know what this would come to... The end of our friendship. Should I do it?

He'll come to hate me but it is easier than to cry silent tears.