Are we cool?

Listening to: Jessica Simpson - Take my breath away
Feeling: Sleepy and pensive

I know I had said that I will ignore the feeling in my previous post, but then the more I think about it, the shittier I feel about the whole thing. Are we still cool?

From the day that I had confessed to him 3 years back, I thought that he was open enough to think it over and still accept me as a friend. Me on my side, I thought that I would be strong enough to move on. Guess not.

5 years passed since I first felt my heart beat 6000 beats per second when I see him.

Instead of ignoring me like how I thought he would, he actually treated me like a friend still. In due time, we became so close we were like each other's pillars of strenght. Anything that would happen to me, he would be the first to know and vice versa. We could finish each other's sentences off. We had long talks, he was the first person i say good morning to and I am the last person he says good night to.

How dramatic How ironic it was that even when he was away, it was still the same. I thought that he wouldn't be able to persevere. But we did. All the emails, all those smses. So what if we weren't in the same time zone? I say good morning to him while he says good night to me. We were cool then...

It was when he returned that everything started to change. No more late night smses. No more confiding in each other. No time, not free, no no no. That's what I always hear from him. That's when I got really fed up.

Yes I liked him. Hell, I think I loved him even. To think of the gallons of tears that I had cried for him, all the things that I had done, the stupid little things that he didn't even appreciate I feel so damn stupid. But that is not exactly my point. I treasure him as a friend. But now, I don't think he could find time to be my friend even. He had found someone else. Who needs me anymore?

A thought: Am I to blame too for this? When I started to sense this change in him, I somehow decided that it was too painful to even talk to him and refrained myself from talking to him. I stopped calling and texting him. I stopped and so did he. Which made me wonder even more. Was it because I had always been messaging him whenever that he felt obliged to answer me? A point to ponder

Why do people forget their friends when they find the other half? Thank goodness good friends that I have now know better than to abandon us in favor for their boyfriends/girlfriends. We would understand that the time spent with us is less but do just remember that we had been there for you too and would like to be appreciated sometimes.

Once again, I am ひとり で.